Category: The State of Marriage Documentary

The State of Marriage Documentary; Bruce Jenner Will Cover Vanity Fair; Barcode In London Shutters; Adam Lambert on American Idol Image

The State of Marriage Documentary

Here’s a reminder about documentary I was in titled, The State of Marriage. The screening will be this June, during the Provincetown International Film Festival. 

The entire week is devoted to LGBT films, and The State of Marriage will be screened on June 18, 2015, at 2:30 pm, in the WellFleet Preservation Hall. For those who aren’t familiar with the location, Wellfleet is only a few miles from Provincetown and I think it’s going to be a lot easier to just pull up and park for this one. But more important, it’s a really great place…old Cape Cod at its best.

Here are some of the guests:

Notable guests of this year’s festival include: Alison Bagnall (director, FUNNY BUNNY); Bao Nguyen (director, LIVE FROM NEW YORK!); Barry Crimmins (subject, CALL ME LUCKY); Brendan Toller (director, DANNY SAYS); Christine Vachon (producer, NASTY BABY); David Thorpe (director, DO I SOUND GAY?); Gabrielle Demeestere (director, YOSEMITE); Hernando Bansuelo (director, THE DADDY); James Ponsoldt (director, THE END OF THE TOUR); Jeff Kaufman (director, THE STATE OF MARRIAGE); Jeffrey Schwarz (director, TAB HUNTER CONFIDENTIAL); Joe Murphy (editor, YOSEMITE); Joey Kuhn (director, THOSE PEOPLE); Josh Watson (producer, THE DADDY); Larry Kramer (LGBT activist and subject, LARRY KRAMER IN LOVE AND ANGER); Laura Heberton (producer, FUNNY BUNNY); Laurie Kahn-Leavitt (director, LOVE BETWEEN THE COVERS); Malcolm Ingram (director, OUT TO WIN); Marcia Ross (producer, THE STATE OF MARRIAGE); Michelle Boyaner (director, PACKED IN A TRUNK: THE LOST ART OF EDITH LAKE WILKINSON); Ron Davis (director HARRY & SNOWMAN); Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini (directors, TEN THOUSAND SAINTS). 

You can read more here.

Bruce Jenner Will Cover Vanity Fair

I’m assuming this will be after Jenner’s full transition, and it will be the first photo shoot of him as a woman.

Longtime VF contributor and lenslady behind the controversial Kimye Vogue cover Annie Leibovitz will shoot Jenner for his first post-transition interview.

The 65-year-old Olympian and father of six previously sat down with Diane Sawyer, finally ending months of speculation by declaring, “for all intents and purposes, I am a woman.”

Jenner followed this with an E! special, Keeping Up with the Kardashians: About Bruce, during which he told stepdaughter Khloe Kardashian that he would be transitioning “probably in the spring.”

You can read the rest here. It’s hard to comment on something like this because I think it’s wonderful that there’s going to be a focus on a transgender person. I just wish they’d given Chaz Bono this kind of attention, too.

Barcode In London Shutters

Another gay club just shuttered its doors, and this one is in London, and no one saw it coming.

The club has not revealed any details about why it’s closing, but posted an event called ‘The Closing Party‘ on Facebook, and said: “Barcode closes its doors for the last time on Sunday morning May 31st. 

“Join us […] in celebrating almost 10 years of great parties at ‘The Closing Party’ of Vauxhall’s favourite destination – Club Barcode!”

You can read the rest here. I find it interesting because as more and more gay men in general come out and start mixing into the mainstream more gay establishments seem to be closing down. It’s kind of sad in a way, but you can’t stop this kind of change.

Adam Lambert on American Idol Image

Like most of those who have been associated with American Idol, Adam Lambert is trying to shake off his American Idol Image.

As he prepares to release his third solo album, Lambert is hoping he can finally leave his Idol image behind.

‘I’m very happy about American Idol, but now I get to go beyond that,’ Lambert tells Frontiers Magazine. ‘I can come out as my own artist, and take my career where I want to.’

The rest is here. It’s not easy to do this, and I’m not totally sure it can be done. Once you’re pigeonholed in any artistic career they don’t like to let you out of the proverbial box, no matter how hard you try.

The Rainbow Detective Agency: On Fleek


State of Marriage Film in Provincetown; Ian Reisner on Gay Extremists; Five Flavored Lubricants; Lily Tomlin on Chit Rivera

State of Marriage Film In Provincetown

The documentary Tony and I were part of called, The State of Marriage, by Floating World Pictures in Los Angeles, that revolves around same sex marriage in Vermont will be premiering at The Provincetown Film Festival this June. Here’s a link to previous posts I wrote about a year ago. We were married by Vermont Supreme Court Justice, Beth Robinson, and our small ceremony in Montgomeryville Center, VT is a part of the documentary.

From my inbox:

We are pleased to let you know that THE STATE OF MARRIAGE will premiere at The Provincetown International Film Festival (June 17 – 21, on  Cape Cod). We wanted the film to debut at a first rate festival with a strong social agenda, that is also fairly close to Vermont. This is a perfect venue. The schedule hasn’t been announced yet, so we will send another note with the date and time. We would love to see you there, if possible. THANK YOU again for all your support. Making this documentary has been a really moving experience. Our first public screening will come on the eve of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on Obergefell v Hodges, the marriage equality case that was argued, in part, by Mary Bonauto. It’s a great time to celebrate the work of so many people. Here is info on the festival:

Press Release | Provincetown International Film Festival

If you have any questions, please let us know. More soon, special thanks, and all best – Jeff and Marcia
I’ll post more as I get the information. We’re hoping to get up there for the premiere.  

Ian Reisner on Gay Extremists

The hotelier and gay club owner, Ian Reisner, from New York who recently had a fundraising dinner for Ted Cruz, then apologized after backlash from gay activists, and then called gay men cheap, made a few more comments about gay extremists.

In an op-ed in the Observer, he calls out the “gay extremists” who don’t understand the virtues of breaking bread with someone like Cruz who has proudly boasted about his “proven record of standing and fighting to protect traditional marriage between one man and one woman.” In the same week as the dinner, Cruz filed two bills to halt same-sex marriage.

So which is it? A “terrible mistake” or an intentional engagement with the opposition? Because it can’t be both.

“I hosted a United States Senator Presidential candidate and asked him how he would feel if his daughter were to tell him she was lesbian,” Weiderpass writes. “How often do you think he has been asked that?” 

I don’t totally disagree with Reisner…about breaking bread with the opposition. It’s politics. I just wish he’d get someone to help him express himself a little better.

You can read the rest here.

Five Flavored Lubricants

Sorry if this isn’t the smoothest transition from serious politics to pure clickbait fluff, but this actually is kind of interesting for people looking for a variety of lubes.

The good folks over at Buzzfeed have done us all a huge favor and taste tested a variety of flavored lubricants to let us know which ones are worth buying.

Seven “lube experts” (whatever that means) tested five different flavored lubes: pink lemonade, chocolate orange, green apple, dulce de leche, and mojito peppermint. They based their judgements on four qualities: taste, smell, texture, and usability.

Here’s the link. There’s a video. And yes, lube is important, too.

Lily Tomlin on Chita Rivera

To be perfectly honest here, I don’t have a clue as to who Lily Tomlin or Chita Rivera are. One is an older TV star and the other an older Broadway Musical star. But I thought it was an interesting article on the dangers of jumping to conclusions, and I’m sure many of you do know who Tomlin and Rivera are…and it’s funny.

This is Tomlin jumping to conclusions after she thought she heard Rivera make a gay slur:

‘I suddenly heard her say, “purse nelly.” First she had said my “boy dancers” and the skin on the back of my neck bristled up, and that’s when she said “purse nelly” and then I just went ballistic. I said, ” What did you say?!”

‘I lashed out. She said, “I dunno! WHADISAY?” I said, “You said, ‘purse nelly.’ I wanna know what that means. What you meant by that!” “I don’t know. Whadisay? Pursenelly? Personally.” She was saying “personally”!’

Tomlin would’ve apologized if she had been able to speak at that point.

‘I was so embarrassed,’ she remembers. ‘I just doubled over laughing and fell on the floor.’

You can read the rest here. Where Tomlin got the phrase “purse nelly” I’m not sure. I couldn’t even find it in Urban Dictionary, and you can find almost anything there. 

Five Star Amazon Review!!

I loved this book and found the plot to be very exciting! This book is full of twists and turns along with being a romance. Proctor and Blair are a great duo. They own a detective agency and are called to duty in their next big case. Issac went missing and he is a celebrity and model. Nobody really knows what happened and Proctor and Blair are called in to complete the case. Issac had something special about him that makes Proctor and Blair wonder. While they try to solve the case, they get more intimately involved with each other. I loved how fast moving the pace was and the story grabbed my attention! This is quite the romance and it’s a mystery that will keep you on your toes. I hope that the author will continue the series. 

"Days of Love" Library of Congress Event; Another Brokeback Mountain; Straight Men Caught on Grindr; Free Gay Excerpt: Meadows Are Not Forever

Days of Love Library of Congress Event

2014 will go down as an “interesting” year for me for many reasons. After 22 years of being with the same person and living as if we were married, Tony and I were finally allowed to legally wed last January…in Vermont, and by a Vermont Supreme Court Justice, Beth Robinson. To add to the romance of being in Montgomeryville Center, VT, we were also part of a Hollywood documentary, The State of Marriage. I’ve posted about all that here a few times. 

Also in 2014, Tony and I had several intense family health related issues we had to deal with. I rarely post things that private in public when they first happen. I usually do eventually, but in the beginning I think it’s important to protect certain aspects of our private lives…all of us who are online, not just me.

While Tony and I were going through all this Elisa Rolle, whom I’ve met in person, was e-mailing me about a book titled Days of Love that would focus on gay couples, gay marriage, and long term gay relationships. There was so much going on at the time with family I almost didn’t participate. However, something told me this would be a book to remember someday. From a historical POV, this book would be something people could look back and reflect upon during the days when we were still fighting for legalized same sex marriage all over the world. So I put together everything Elisa asked for, I submitted it, and went back to dealing with life.

When I saw this in my inbox today I felt a sense of gratification, and it was a surprise I hadn’t expected. 
Just in case any of you are in Washington on that date!

This talk will encompass LOC’s acquisitions of Sylvester & Orphanos Publication Archives, of Stathis’s Christopher Isherwood Collection and his photographs. And Stathis told me Days of Love, which proudly display some of those photographs, will be featured as well.

It’s a great book that I believe will be around for a long time. And to be honored this way, in a book, for everyone who participated, as well as Elisa Rolle who put it together, it is a proud humble moment, indeed.

Another Brokeback Mountain

Apparently, one Brokeback Mountain in a lifetime wasn’t enough so now there’s going to be another type of film just like BM, with a dark storyline that exploits all the most depressing aspects of gay culture. This is the blurb that was released:

The project is based upon the true story of Oregonian father-and-son Joe and Jadin Bell. Jadin, a fifteen-year-old openly gay sophomore, took his own life after being both bullied at high school and struggling for acceptance from the people closest to him. In the wake of Jadin’s suicide, Joe is plunged into a sea of remorse and regret. Attempting to work through his grief, Joe sets out on a walk across America, hoping to promote awareness about the consequences of prejudice to anyone he encounters along the way.

So far the details are sketchy. The article I’m linking to only mentions the writers and the producer of the original BM…all people coming from a place of privilege. However, the people who commented on this news made some interesting statements. It’s a gay press; I’m assuming they come from gay people.

One said:

Brokeback Mountain was absolute rubbish!

Another said this:

These films are marketed towards straight people, I’m tired of ambiguous endings, HIV and death at the end. Gay films almost never have a happy ending.

And when I posted about this on social media last night one gay male author commented about why gay fiction written by gay people is never treated as seriously as films like BM.

I have no comment at all until I know more details about it, but I’d be willing to bet there won’t be a happy ending 🙂  You can read the rest here. 

Straight Men Caught on Grindr

This is about what happens when straight men get caught on Grindr…well sort of.

Gaybriel, dressed in a flamboyant pink shirt and sunglasses, and two bikini-clad beauties teamed up to trick the guys. The ladies would go down the beach and flirt with the gents, collecting as much information about them as possible before radioing it back to Gaybriel, who was waiting up the beach. When the guys eventually passed by, he would rush over pretending to recognize them from Grindr. Hilarity (and some awkwardness) ensued.

There’s more here, with a video. For those of you who think this is in bad taste, tricking the straight guys that way. Too damn bad. Get over yourselves. When I first started going out to gay bars in college, I pulled into the parking lot of a gay club one night and there were straight frat guys standing around a guy with a blindfold over his eyes. They’d brought the guy there to trick him into going to a gay bar. These “dudes” and “bros” thought it was hilarious, a gay bar and laughing at gays. And now I think this shit is just as hilarious.
Free Gay Except: Meadows Are Not Forever

(There is a happy ending to this story, a VERY happy ending) 

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            When they called his name, Cade was one of ten people left in the room. They’d collected the information sheets at the back of the room first and those up front wound up waiting all day. It was late and Cade’s feet were killing him; he had a sharp pain in the middle of his forehead. The pain was partly caused by his mother. He’d had to call her and let her know he’d be home later than he’d expected. He felt like he’d jumped right back into high school, when he’d had to call in and let his mother know everything he was doing. But he had her car; he had to let her know where he was. He could have lived without her harping about traffic, wearing his seat belt, and not talking to strangers. He was twenty-five, he’d been on his own supporting himself in Los Angeles for seven years, and she still treated him as though he were ten years old. If he’d been under less pressure he might have enjoyed the attention. It had been a long time since anyone had cared that much about him. But after what had happened in the men’s room, all he wanted to do was get this audition over with as fast as possible.

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                 He crossed into a smaller room and sat down on a folding chair that faced a long narrow table. The two guys in saggy pants he’d seen earlier that day were sitting on the ends of the table. Anderson Randolph sat between them. They didn’t look up when Cade entered. They were huddled together, conferring about something in hushed voices. At this angle, with the light hitting Anderson’s profile from the side, Cade couldn’t help notice how attractive he was. His short brown hair was shiny and a little messy on top. His tanned skin took on a slightly bronze appeal in this light. Cade guessed he was between thirty and forty; it was hard to tell nowadays because so many gay men didn’t seem to age until the last minute. (Cade had an older friend who’d once said, “I’d know them for years and they’d look exactly the same. Then one day they’d show up at my door and they’d be old men.”)
            Anderson’s body wasn’t bulky and outrageous, but there were definite signs of muscle definition showing through his tight black V-neck shirt. Although he wasn’t the rough, athletic type that usually made Cade’s mouth water, he had an aggressive, understated masculine appeal that made Cade stop and wonder what he might be like in the sack.
            When the three of them finally looked up at Cade, they each asked him a round of basic questions almost as if this was an interview for a regular job, not an audition for a reality show. They wanted to know where he lived full time, if he’d be available for travel at a moment’s notice, and if he really was single. The guy on the right with curly brown hair said they didn’t want any fakes…guys with boyfriends who were pretending to be single just to get on to the show. He also stated that if Cade was selected they would do in-depth background checks. So if there were any surprises in Cade’s past, it was best to be honest now. 

               The guy on the left asked, “Have you ever modeled or been filmed in the nude? Have you done anything professionally in the adult entertainment industry?”
            Cade gulped. He couldn’t lie. He squared his back and said, “I’ve never modeled in the nude and I’ve never done any porn films professionally. But I do work for a web site in the valley that’s considered all male entertainment. It’s called, and I’m the production assistant.” He was surprised at how good he felt after he told them the truth. Cade didn’t have anything to hide. He didn’t count the scene he’d done with the guys because he knew his face would never be shown in public. He worked hard and did a good job for an honest day’s pay. And if they didn’t like what he did, and they judged what he did, he decided he wouldn’t want to work with them either. 

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              After he told them this, the two guys on the end leaned in toward Anderson and they whispered to each other for a few seconds. They glanced back and forth at Cade a few times; they remained expressionless.
            Then the guy on the right asked, “Have you ever actually performed for this web site?”
            Cade couldn’t lie about that either. “Once,” he said. “But no one saw my face. The only shots the camera took were rear lower body shots, no head shots. I only filled in for an actor who didn’t bother to show up for work that day. My job has always been behind the scenes, not in front of the camera. And I’ve never used my real name. In other words, if you did a search for me on the internet, you’d come up with nothing.” 

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            They started whispering again, sending him quick glances, looking him up and down. Cade sat back and exhaled. He even smiled and extended his right leg. Anderson Randolph hadn’t asked him many questions: he seemed to be sitting back and evaluating with his tongue pressed to his cheek. Evidently, Anderson didn’t remember Cade or the cupcake incident from the airport. If he had, Cade figured he would have said something right away. For the first time that day, Cade felt so relaxed he fought the urge to yawn. All that worrying about being recognized had been for nothing.

             When they stopped whispering and turned to face him, there was a knock on the door. The guy on the right said, “Come in,” and a young woman entered the room carrying a small tray of large chocolate cupcakes. There must have been a mound of rich fudge frosting on top about three inches deep, set in perfect ridged swirls to form peaks. And each one had been topped with an expensive truffle.
            Unfortunately, the young woman didn’t notice that Cade had become so relaxed he’d stretched out his right leg. And when she entered the room with the tray of chocolate cupcakes, she tripped over his right foot. She caught her balance just in time and didn’t fall down. But the cupcake tray jerked and a half dozen chocolate cupcakes went sailing across the room toward the three men at the long table. 

             The guys on the end saw them coming and ducted just in time. But Anderson Randolph had been looking down at a stack of papers on the table he he’d missed the fall. Three cupcakes landed on the floor; two upside down on the table. And one lone cupcake flew across the table and landed right between Anderson Randolph’s legs.
            The two guys started laughing.
            The young woman apologized and bent over to retrieve the ruined cupcakes on the floor.
            Cade sat up straight and held his palm to his throat as Anderson reached down between his legs and slowly lifted the upside down cupcake from his crotch. 

            Anderson held the cupcake up and stopped moving for a second. His eyebrows furrowed as if deep in thought and he tilted his head sideways. A minute later, he flung a glance in Cade’s direction. His eyes opened wide; his lips parted. He pointed at Cade and said, “You’re the cell phone guy from the airport. I knew I’d seen you before somewhere.”


Vermont Wedding Photos; The State of Marriage Documentary by Jeff Kaufman

Vermont Wedding Photos; The State of Marriage Documentary by Jeff Kaufman

I received a few photos from film producer, Jeff Kaufman, today of our wedding in Vermont last month and wanted to share. I’ve already posted about the wedding here, and below I’ll post more about the documentary, The State of Marriage, with an excerpt Jeff e-mailed to me with award winning playwright, Terrence McNally, and his partner, Tom Kirdahy. It’s an interesting interview I think most same sex couples can relate to. And we were honored to be part of the documentary and have someone like Vermont Supreme Court Justice, Beth Robinson, perform our ceremony.

Tony and I cutting the cake
Toasting with Beth Robinson, Vermont Supreme Court Justice
View of Phineas Swann Inn, Montgomery Center, VT, where the ceremony took place
Before the ceremony with Beth Robinson and the owners of Phineas Swann, Darren and Lynn
Beth Robinson
The Wedding Cake

Me putting the ring on Tony during the ceremony

The State of Marriage Documentary and Interview with Terrence McNally and Tom Kirdahy



Marriage is choosing to spend your life with someone and thinking of the two of you as “us.”

Us becomes more important than me. It’s sharing your life with someone, and that includes

everything. The lack of marriage (I called our civil union “marriage”) before this had a

greater stress on our relationship than I ever realized. Our civil union and marriage changed

the level of our relationship. It’s so much better. We didn’t get married to get happier, but we

are happier. Everything is so much better. We’re more honest. We’re more connected.


Frankly, a lot of our love affair happened (when Terrence had cancer) in Sloan Kettering.

When Vermont happened, when civil unions happened, we thought we want to be as married

as two men can be in this country. We wanted to be as committed to each other as is humanly

and legally possible. We’d been through so much and we’d heard about this great inn in

Vermont. I don’t think either of us fully knew how profound that moment would be when we

said those words out loud, “In sickness and in health” and “I do.”


Until you actually look someone in the eye and say, “In sickness and in health, until death do

us part,” well, it’s a profound human experience. When I met Tom, marriage wasn’t even a

possibility. I could write about it in plays, men getting married, but to think it could be a

reality, that seemed impossible. It was after we went to Vermont for the legal part of it, that

the emotional impact hit me. We stood in the living room of a country inn and a justice of the

peace married (civil unioned) us, and it was snowing. Saying “I am there for you for the rest

of my life” is a very profound pledge to make to someone. And it makes me feel safer, more

protected, happier, calmer . . . I’m not alone in the world. I have a husband, and I hope I

make Tom feels the same way. As much as I love Tom, I never had that feeling until I stood

in Vermont in that inn and said the words to each other. We were both surprised. We came

back from Vermont changed men in a changed relationship.

I’ll post more about the documentary as I get the info. I think it’s going to be something interesting if this interview is any indication of the content. And I haven’t been as comfortable or impressed with someone in a long time as I was with Jeff Kaufman. What a great guy. As for Vermont and Montgomery Center, it really is a magical place to be and that made our wedding even more significant…if that was even possible.