sex

New Adult Gay Erotic Romance: Unabated In Print; Prince and Homophobes; Sex, Death, And Bowling Starring Adrian Grenier

New Adult Gay Erotic Romance: Unabated In Print

I didn’t think I would get the links to these books in print so soon. But here are a few. Amazon will have them eventually, but Amazon takes its sweet old time.

The Arrangement Create Space

Unabated Create Space

I find Create Space simple to navigate and I like shopping there.

Prince and Homophobes

I liked Prince and this is a good article because it talks about Prince’s views on certain issues, especially with some of the new revelations coming out about Prince’s death that may or may not be true…as of right now. We’ll have to wait and see. But I have a feeling I’ll be posting more about Prince soon.

In any event, here’s a quote from Prince on gay marriage.

Later, Prince seemed ambivalent about the prospect of gay marriage. “So here’s how it is,” he told The New Yorker in 2008, some years after finding religion with Jehovah’s Witnesses. “‘You’ve got the Republicans, and basically they want to live according to this.’ He pointed to a Bible. ‘But there’s the problem of interpretation, and you’ve got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn’t. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you’ve got blue, you’ve got the Democrats, and they’re, like, “You can do whatever you want.” Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right.’”

You can read the rest here, where they also mention a few other celebrities and homophobia. They mention Matt Damon, but I don’t think of him as homophobic. I think of him as clueless, and there’s a difference. And you really can’t blame someone for not knowing something. I see it all the time. They do something insulting to gays, because they expect all gays to be the same, and they don’t even realize what they are doing. Clueless.

Sex Death and Bowling Starring Adrian Grenier

Last night I watched Sex, Death, And Bowling, with Adrian Grenier, on Netflix. I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular, but I wound up loving it for one simple reason that I can’t tell you. And I also think it’s interesting to note that it didn’t get the best reviews by straight people…from what I’ve seen so far.

Without giving out spoilers, it turned out to be a film that broke a lot of the stereotypes I see all the time in films, and I found myself surprised during various parts of the film. I didn’t expect half of what happened. In fact, I expected the opposite…the typical shit I see all the time coming from a hetero POV. And that’s about all I can say because I don’t want to ruin it for someone else. And if I go into detail, I will ruin it.

So if you get a chance, check it out. Even if you don’t like it as much as I did, there’s Adrian Grenier to watch. He’s as gorgeous as ever and I thought his performance was spot on. I hope he continues to make films like this…forever.

Here’s more about it at Wiki…but they do give out spoilers and I really hope you don’t read more and that you watch the film without knowing anything like I did.

In short, I loved it. And this time the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are dead wrong…at least wrong coming from my gay POV.  I think it shows how little straight people know us, and how little they know about what we want to see in a film. Actually, some of the reviews sound a lot like passive aggressive straightsplaining.

Someone should tell them, because you can’t really fault clueless.


Steve Grand’s Music: All American Boy; Etsy Toys; 21 Things About Orgasms

 Steve Grand’s Music

In an unusual twist, here’s something about Steve Grand’s music, not Steve Grand, not Steve Grand’s swimwear, or Steve Grand’s looks. Just his music. I have it and I love it.

My debut album, “All-American Boy” just came out! Get it on: iTunes, Amazon, GooglePlay and all the other usual places.
Signed copies and merch on my site: shop.stevegrand.com . iTunes link: (https://itunes.apple.com

You can check out his web site here where there’s more information. 

In publishing there was a term several years ago that was used all the time…crossover. It was used for books in genres like YA that crossed over into adult contemporary fiction. I think Grand’s music is a good example of this in the entertainment industry. It’s not just for gay people. I think there’s something everyone can enjoy.

Etsy Toys

I’m always a little surprised when I post something on Facebook…always on Facebook…and people don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s my fail and I shouldn’t just assume things. So, if you haven’t heard about Etsy, here’s some basic info…

Etsy is a peer-to-peer (P2P) e-commerce website focused on handmade or vintage items and supplies, as well as unique factory-manufactured items. These items cover a wide range, including art, photography, clothing, jewelry, food, bath and beauty products, quilts, knick-knacks, and toys. Many sellers also sell craft supplies such as beads, wire and jewelry-making tools. All vintage items must be at least 20 years old.[3] The site follows in the tradition of open craft fairs, giving sellers personal storefronts where they list their goods for a fee of US$0.20 per item.

I love it. And the link I’m using right now talks about the darker side of Etsy with photos of some interesting/creepy toys they sell. There’s something for everyone there, too.

If you thought Etsy was all twee knitted doilies and Blitz-spirit bunting, you’d be wrong.

Etsy has a dark side. A nightmare-inducing childhood-ruining dark side, of utterly terrifying not-at-all cuddly toys.

21 Things About Orgasms
Here’s a link to an article that talks about 21 different things about orgasms that most people probably don’t know. I didn’t know a few of them. A few I question, but it’s still interesting. 
7. Coregasms are a thing
Certain abs moves and pull-ups can apparently induce orgasms in some people.


9. Boregasms are a thing
As in, if you’ve got nothing else to do it’s apparently possible to induce an orgasm using only the power of your mind.


16. Nearly a third of men have faked an orgasm (ie haven’t ejaculated but acted like they have)

I think number 16 is fascinating because most women don’t ever stop to think that this can happen…at all. Forget about it happening with a third of men. I see it all the time on Twitter with jokes. Women who seem to think they are the only ones who can fake orgasm, patting themselves on the back as if it’s a hobby and a form of control. It makes me smile. 
I’m not going into detail about that. But men can, and do, fake orgasms just as well. 

The Rainbow Detective Agency

Box Set

Four books in One


David Henry Sterry: Cambodian Sex Workers Interview

David Henry Sterry: Cambodian Sex Workers Interview

I found a link to an interview with David Henry Sterry  in my inbox today and read it in full. It’s an interview with author Heidi Hoefinger, who wrote a book about Cambodian Sex Workers. And it’s not only an eye-opener but also dispels a few myths I’ve read/heard before. The book is titled, Sex, Love and Money in Cambodia: Professional Girlfriends and Transactional Relationships. The information she obtained for the book came by her own accounts of actually dealing with Cambodian sex workers whom she’d befriended.

There wasn’t much about male sex workers, or transgender sex workers. But I did find this:

There are plenty of women, men and transgender people in Cambodia who do identify as sex workers, and there is a growing sex worker rights movement in Cambodia led by a sex worker union consisting of over 6,000 members. But one of the main points of the book is that no matter how someone identifies — as a sex worker, prostitute, girlfriend, whatever — they should be treated with respect for the decisions they make.

And this was interesting:

Most of the women did not view themselves as victims, and expressed a strong desire to instead be respected for the decisions they make under some really tough circumstances. They often referred to themselves in English as ‘strong girls.’ That’s not to say they didn’t know how to capitalize on empathy. That was definitely a strategy that some of the women used to tap into the ‘hero syndrome’ that many western men experience — which I define as an overwhelming desire by the men to use their status, resources, and knowledge to ‘save’ the women and their families from destitution.

I think a book like this about gay US rent boys would be interesting. I’ve known a few and most claim they’re not victims either. I’ve also known gay males who would travel to places like Bangkok several times of the year just for the male sex workers. Some even bring them home and fund them in the US. But that’s about as openly discussed as the dick dock in Provincetown, MA.

You can read the entire interview in full here.

Age, Sex, and Crossing the Line in Erotic Romance

When it comes to age, sex, and crossing the line in erotic romance I take that very seriously. In fact, I was once banned for a book (Skater Boy) that had the word “boy” in the title during the paypal censorship debacle a few years ago, and that book had characters that were all over eighteen years old, and it was stated very clearly in the book description. I did that on purpose so no one would get the wrong idea.

And because of search engines, the book was still banned. I have posted about this numerous times, and I’ve stated that I never have, and never will write a book or story with an underage character.

I assure you, there are no underage characters in this short book. I don’t judge those authors who decide to do things like this, but I’ve never done it and never will do it. In fact, the main character, Jared, the guy referred to as a the Skater Boy, is only a quasi skater boy. He’s in his twenties and is clearly a consenting adult.
But I am curious about something, and I’m hoping someone can offer an opinion. It’s not something I’m writing, but a friend asked me this question and I’m not sure how to answer. I hate censorship, but my gut instinct is to play it safe at all times with things like this. You can e-mail me in private at rfieldj@aol.com or leave a comment here or on social media.

What I’d like to know is this. If there is a character in a book or story that is twenty-two years old and that character has erotic thoughts about another character who is seventeen years old, would that be off limits? Would that be offensive and considered taboo? There are no physical scenes; it’s just thoughts. And that’s explained well, and the character even feels terrible about his thoughts and he swears he’ll never act upon them.

My gut instinct is to make the character eighteen years old instead of seventeen. I would rather play it safe, especially if it’s not going to make a difference in the story. But I could also be paranoid because of the things I’ve been through, and I could be wrong. In the same respect, it’s not something I would ever do in erotic fiction.

Any thoughts or e-mails will be appreciated.

"What Gay Men Can Teach Straight Women About Sex" Fail

A few weeks ago Tony and I watched film starring Meryl Streep titled, Hope Springs, where they make reference to gay men and sex in conjunction with straight women in a somewhat peculiar way. We did what we always do when we see things like this in hetero mainstream films or TV shows: we looked at each other and groaned.

It wasn’t a bad film, and Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carell were all excellent. I even loved the setting, which I’ll get into in a moment. But to be perfectly honest, we purposely waited for it to be released on cable because we’d seen the previews on demand and didn’t want to spend the money to rent it. And we rent films on demand often, so it’s not like we’re sitting around pinching the pennies. I’ve also been known to spend money I didn’t even have if I wanted something badly enough. But I’m glad we decided to wait for Hope Springs to come on cable, because we wouldn’t have been happy paying extra for it.

The basic plot revolves around a married couple who’ve been together for many years and are living in that proverbial empty nest. They’re still too young for retirement, and yet old enough for certain aspects of the marriage to dwindle. In their case it’s intimacy and sex, which is not all that uncommon. As the film begins, the Meryl Streep character and her husband, played by Tommy Lee Jones, are sleeping in separate bedrooms and not having any kind of intimacy whatsoever…not even hugging or touching. As a side note, I personally think the producers of the film know very little about marriage and how people evolve in marriages over time…or the ups and downs of marriage for the long term. In other words, if these two people had only been in their thirties or forties I would have been far more worried about them. The one thing that saved the film in this respect was the lack of intimacy in a general sense. But I tend to think most marriages go through periods like this, and it’s not always the worst thing in the world that can happen to a marriage…gay or straight. I would also wager a guess the people who produced this film have been married multiple times. But I could be wrong about that.

In any event, in order to save the marriage, in a dramatic move that’s unlike her, the Meryl Streep character confronts her husband about visiting a marriage counseling clinic in (I think) Maine, in this quaint little tourist town were everything costs three times more than anywhere else. The price, without expenses, is four thousand dollars. He refuses, she cashes in a CD and books the trip anyway, and she tells him she’s going with or without him. He clearly loves her and joins here on the trip. I’m not going to get into anything else because I don’t want to give spoilers for those who haven’t seen the film. But they ultimately wind up in this little town, in therapy with a marriage counselor played by Steve Carell.

From a clinical POV I think the film worked, however, there was one scene in the film where the husband is rejecting everything and the wife gets so frustrated she goes into a small bookstore in this little tourist town and buys a book that’s titled something like “What Gay Men Can Teach Straight Women about Sex.” I don’t remember the exact title, but it was something like that and that’s the part where we groaned. Because for the life of me I honestly don’t know what gay men can teach straight women about sex. The fact that there’s this mentality out there that thinks gay men can identify with straight women with regard to sex is far from correct. In a parody it’s funny; in real life it’s ridiculous. Gay men think like men. They are wired like men and in spite of their individual backgrounds they behave like men. I’m not getting into the exceptions to the rule. I know they are out there. Right now I’m talking about gay men in general. We do vary…gay men…but not all that much when it comes to sex. I hesitate to give examples because this blog is rated pg.

Not to mention the fact that the female anatomy is about as unknown to most gay men as the inside of a stripper bar is to an Amish preacher. If anything, straight men know far more about the female anatomy in a physical sense than most gay men will ever know. I can personally say in all honesty that I have never even seen a vagina up close, or at a distance. So how I, as a gay man, could help counsel a straight woman with a sexual intimacy issue truly passes me by. I once tried; it didn’t end well. I might be able to help as far as intimacy and romance goes, but even that would be a stretch. Books have been written about this, studies have been done hundreds of times. And the fact remains that men and women think differently when it comes to intimacy and sex, and gay men aren’t that different from straight men. At least none of the gay men in long term marriages/relationships I know are.

I also think it’s important to take this to another level. This image we often get from the mainstream, with TV shows like Sex and the City, and films like Hope Springs, isn’t correct, either socially or politically. It’s actually insulting when you compare it to some of the older films in Hollywood where African Americans and people of Asian descent were stereotyped and misrepresented with things like yellowface and tap dancing scenes.

I think one of the reasons why so many gay men don’t ever speak up about it is because they can’t. So many of us are so busy trying figure ourselves out we often ignore the things that don’t actually affect us personally because it would be too overwhelming. I get e-mails from gay men all the time discussing this exact topic and the best I can do is agree with them. If I were a shabby blogger I would insert quotes here from some of these e-mails, but I wouldn’t do that because I believe these e-mails I get are personal and private. So the best I can do is call attention to it in a blog post, and show how we, as gay men, are often insulted by the very people who think they are trying to help us. Because I don’t believe for one second that anyone associated with Hope Springs meant any harm. I just don’t think they know any better. No one saw anything wrong with the way African Americans were treated in old movies until someone came along and pointed it out.

Update: After I clicked “publish” I thought it was important to add that I think this concept of what gay men can teach straight women about sex also puts straight women in a bad position, too. It is insinuating that straight women don’t know as much about sex as gay men, and I don’t believe that’s true for a moment. One thing is for certain, at least gay men and straight women do have one thing in common: we’re often misrepresented in the same ways.

Update 2: A facebook friend actually pointed me to a book that’s out there just like the one I mentioned above. I’m not linking to it. However, it is #14 right now in the “Psychology Self-Help” bestseller category on Amazon. Interesting.

Photo attribution: Wiki Commons