safe sex

Male Sex Statistics; Jail Time for Spreading HIV; Ian Reisner Gets Slammed by Club Promoter

Male Sex Statistics

I’m linking to one of those more informative articles that are short and sweet. This one mentions, with photos and captions, some of the more interesting aspects about sex and men. And this time it’s universal, meaning it can be for straight or gay men.

Here’s one:

The length of an American man’s erection is, on average, slightly more than 5 1/2 inches, according to a 2014 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. (Only about 2 percent of guys were packing 8 inches or more.) As for girth, the average guy’s shaft is nearly 5 inches around when hard, the same study found.

Now that’s what I call a statistic. And it may or may not prove that what you see on twitter from male porn sites is all exaggerated with photo shop. But then I never really trusted statistics 100%. From personal experience I would have to say there are more than just 2% that are 8 inches or more. I’d go with 10%.

You can read the rest here. 

Jail Time for Spreading HIV

Last summer I posted about a guy who didn’t tell his boyfriend he was HIV+. The boyfriend who thought he had found the man of his dreams found out about the HIV status through a friend on facebook via a PM. In other words, the guy with HIV didn’t bother to tell the guy he was having sex with.

“Texts where he’s stating he’s negative to people then bragging to others about giving people his ‘positive load.’ It’s crude, it’s… I don’t know how someone could treat another individual like that,” Guerra’s accuser, who chooses to remain anonymous, said at the time.

The guy who is HIV+,  Thomas Guerra, was recently sentenced to six months in jail and the judge declared it a “travesty.”
 

I think that’s a tremendous oversight in the law if this is just a misdemeanor,” she said. “If any good comes out of it, that this law would change” and become a felony.

Guerra pleaded no contest, and throughout sentencing showed no signs of wrongdoing or remorse.

In fact, he blamed the victim — in this case, his former lover of a year.
“I did not rape this person,” he told the visibly frustrated judge. “I did not take him against his will. Within 5 minutes of Grindr text messaging, he was there. So if you’re that reckless with your life, how can you blame anyone else for your actions?”
I won’t comment on this case. But I can tell you for certain, without a doubt, that when I was single I didn’t take those chances, ever, with anyone. I just wasn’t willing to trust anyone, and I didn’t even trust condoms 100%. In other words, I took responsibility for my own actions. So for those of you reading this, please don’t trust anyone. Never. Anyone. Think of everyone you date as having the potential to be a Guerra.
Ian Reisner Gets Slammed by Club Promoter
Ian Reisner made the headlines, yet again. This time a club promoter is letting people know he doesn’t think Reisner is the best businessman in town. It’s a long quote:

I have not talked (on line) about the OUT NYC boycott. BUT I just saw the New York magazine article on this whole Ted Cruz, Ian Reisner and Matt W thing…. Now I have to speak out to Ian on what he said in that article about gays ‘Gays are cheap comment..

Gays, like and any group, will spend their money when you give them something that they want or need. Do not blame the community for any of your failures to make money. xl made over $8M dollars the year Beto and I ran it. Then you all thought you could do it by yourself and we got the ax.
You lost your shirt the next two years trying to do it yourself.

So, you have no one to blame but yourselves. Gays are not Cheap… as a matter of fact we spend more of our money on going to bars, night clubs, hotels and resturants than do most other people.

Just tell the truth. You have lost money on The OUT NYC because of the way you and Mati managed or should I say miss-managed THE OUT NYC … don’t blame us for your mistakes.”

Without getting into a long story, I’ve seen things like this before. Club owners always think they can do better than professional club promoters and it never usually ends well.

Here’s the link to the quote.

Of course, you don’t want to miss the comments.

 
5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Fun Story! April 30, 2015

Verified Purchase

The Rainbow Detective Agency is owned by two gay men – Proctor Gamble and Blair Huntingdon. Proctor is 36 years old and was once a male swimsuit model. The case they are working on now involves a C List celebrity/model named Isaac Luke. He’s a closet gay and also has a very rare physical affliction. He has worked in the past for a designer named Lion Hewitt and has also been personally involved with him.

Isaac is kidnapped and Lion Hewitt hires The Rainbow Detective Agency to find Isaac and to keep the physical affliction from becoming public knowledge. It all turns out to be fun and games until poor Isaac finds his luck has ran completely dry!

The playful banter between Proctor and Blair was a lot of fun and they remind me of Oscar and Felix on the Odd Couple. They are passionate men so you can expect to read quite a bit of steamy scenes with these two. Both, Proctor and Blair were very excited to get acquainted with Isaac and see his special package ( so to speak).

A very fun story! It reads like a smooth dream and the characters have a lot of energy, heart, and charm.

 

Safe Sex…Defensive Driving

I came upon a good article recently and wanted to share it. It’s about safe sex and how important it is to still practice it. Just because there are drugs out there that are keeping people who have HIV alive, doesn’t mean all is well and there’s nothing to worry about anymore.

These HIV drugs (ARVs) cost thousands of dollars a month even if you have good insurance, and most don’t these days. These drugs have endless side effects and people with HIV are on them for the rest of their lives, daily. I have two close friends who are HIV positive and I know this first hand how difficult it is for them.

I also get into this in my next novel, FOUR GAY WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL, where one partner in a longterm gay relationship is HIV positive and the other isn’t. I will get into this in more depth in future posts because I think it’s important that people realize it can happen no matter how monogamous you think you are. Your partner might not be.

I always like to think of safe sex the same way I think about defensive driving. Whenever I get into my car, I always drive with the mindset that everyone else on the road is an idiot, that I can’t trust them, and that I can’t assume they are responsible drivers. And I think the same thing goes for sexual partners.

When it comes to sex, how much are you willing to bare? The decision to bareback is not always easy, especially when the situations and individuals involved change. If you are having anal sex with a steady partner, a regular sex buddy or a number of individuals, chances are you’ve been faced with the decision of whether to bareback (or have anal sex without a condom) or practice safer sex. That decision can have a lasting effect on your future. Unprotected anal sex can drastically increase your chances of contracting or transmitting HIV and other STDs.

So, why do some men still have unprotected sex? There are a number of possible reasons:

Increased Apathy Over the Transmission of HIV. Some believe the myth that, as a gay man, contracting HIV is nevitable or unavoidable or that the virus can been controlled with advanced HIV medications. HIV is still alive and well and should not be thought of as a long-term illness. Remember, there is no cure for HIV or AIDS and HIV medications do not protect you from the virus.

Anxiety Over Contracting HIV. There are instances of some men either deliberately transmitting the virus or willingly receiving HIV. The terms gift giver and bug chaser are sometimes used to describe these men, respectively. It’s theorized that bug chasers willingly attempt to contract HIV due to an overwhelming anxiety over catching the virus. A bug chaser may believe it is just a matter of time before they are infected. This is a false belief. Many gay men live long and healthy lives without contracting HIV.

Both Partners Are HIV Positive. Some HIV positive men believe that since they already have the virus there is no need to have protected sex with another HIV positive man. However, HIV positive men run the risk of reinfection, which occurs when a person living with HIV gets infected a second time while having unprotected sex with another HIV infected person.

Some “Live for the Moment.” There are always those that either adopt or already possess fearless “live for the moment” mentalities–accepting whatever consequences may result from their actions. Sure, sex without a condom may increase sensation or feel more spontaneous, but the risks of unprotected sex are far more real and dangerous. A moment of pleasure can lead to a lifetime of illness.

Low Self-Esteem. A person with lower self-esteem can often run the risk of following the direction of a more confident sex partner. Protect your health, even if your partner claims that he can’t get erect with a condom on or urges you to have unprotected sex for just a while. Also, keep your own self-confidence in perspective. Thinking you may lose a chance to be with a great guy or that you’ll ruin a sensual moment will only put you at increased risk of contracting an STD or HIV. Part of him respecting you and part of you respecting yourself is protecting your health.

Drug Use. Using drugs like ecstasy, viagra or crystal meth can impair judgment and has been shown to increase the chances of having unprotected sex. The moment of a drug high may seem unforgettable, but majority of men remember little, including the sex, after coming down. Don’t be caught in a situation where you have to remember an encounter that may have given you an unforgettable disease.

Sure, there are benefits to having bareback anal sex, like increased sensation in the penis, greater feeling of closeness to partners, and increased spontaneous. However, the benefits don’t outweigh the potential dangers. Not only is there risk of infecting a partner, but you put yourself at risk, as well.

What If Both Partners Are Negative?

When it comes to barebacking partners should be cautious, even when they are both HIV negative. According to About.com’s former HIV/AIDS expert Mark Cichocki, R.N.:

“While it is safe to bareback when both partners are disease free, the key is making sure both partners are disease free. The only way you can be 100% sure that is the case is by getting HIV and STD tests,” Mark warns. “You cannot just go on someone’s word with this one. Many people don’t know they are infected and unfortunately people are not always 100% truthful when it comes to their sexual history.”

Monogamy is also an important factor in maintaining a disease-free relationship. Bringing up the topic of monogamy and commitment are not one time couple conversatoins. You have to check in with your man often.

Even in the midst of a good monogamous bond, the headlights of life can blind us from the potential potholes of a relationship. In reality, some (and I stress some, not all) guys do cheat. We hope that they won’t, but some do. There are no guarantees and you don’t want to be surprised, especially when your health is at risk.

Always keep talks about safer sex and monogamy in your relationship current and relevant. As Mark advises, go get tested together before barebacking. Remember, there are other pesky bugs besides HIV, so get tested for STDs as well. Then, talk about monogamy in your relationship. Be clear about each others’ expectations. For the sake of your health, both partners need to be open and honest with each other at all times. Set the tone early and maintain it throughout your relationship.

Even if you aren’t in a relationship, you can never be too cautious when it comes to your health. Never simply take someone’s word when it comes to STDs or HIV. The risks are too great and are never outweighed by the pleasure of barebacking.

LYD Stand Alone

Today is the release day for my new stand alone, A REGULAR BUD. This was originally a short story published in a nice little anthology by Starbooks Press. But this stand alone is not an exact replica of the short story. When I submitted it to http://www.loveyoudivine.com/, I revised and tweaked. It’s longer, it’s more romantic, and I explained that both characters were having safe sex in more detail. And though this one is a bit steamier than some of my other books, the ending is very happy and there’s a strong promise of the two main characters having a long term relationship.
Though handsome, athletic Noah thinks he’s home alone and free to enjoy his private fetish for wearing high heels, his straight roommate’s dominant younger brother walks in unexpectedly and catches him in the act.
Noah is a young corporate professional who shares his large, old home with his straight best friend from college, Preston. And though Noah is openly gay, no one knows that Noah has a kinky little gender-bending fetish for wearing high heels.
But when his roommate’s sexy, rugged little brother from Montana shows up one morning, while Noah thinks he has the house all to himself, Noah is caught in the act…naked with his back against the sofa and his white stilettos dangling in the air.
Instead of running back out the door in shock, the little brother from Montana doesn’t even blink. He drops his duffel bag on the floor and smiles. Then he drops his car keys on the counter and introduces himself to Noah. And when he licks his lips, compliments Noah on his well-defined body and crosses the room to shake Noah’s hand, it’s Noah who is ready to run out the door in shock.