north carolina

Lesbian Couple Humiliated and Degraded in North Carolina Restaurant

When a good friend in Brooklyn e-mailed this to me earlier today, I have to say I was shocked to see that something like this would happen in North Carolina. I know a few gay couples who’ve left New Hope to move to NC, and they’ve never complained about anti-gay attitudes…or anything like getting handed an anti-gay letter in a restaurant. I love the Outer Banks. Ashville is not only one of my favorite cities in the US, it’s the home of my all time favorite author, Tom Wolfe, who wrote “Look Homeward Angel.”

But according to this article, that’s exactly what happened to a lesbian couple recently in a NC restaurant.

A lesbian couple dining at a North Carolina cafe was handed a letter that decried homosexuality as being against God’s will.

Arielle and Shawnee McPhail went to The Sting Ray Cafe in New Bern on Dec. 4, according to WCTI 12. On their way out, restaurant owner Ed McGovern approached the couple and handed them a letter asking them to reevaluate their lives.

This is what the letter said:

[…] Please, look at your life. See how it hurt[s] everyone around you. And ask the Lord to open your eye[s] before it [is] to[o] late.
The Love of Christ
P.S. my daughter also was gay. It destroy[ed] her life and my grandson.

And, the article gets even worse in a general sense.

Joel Diaz, the chief development officer for the AIDS Resource Center Ohio, recently wrote a blog for The Huffington Post describing a recent experience during which he and a friend were berated for “gay shit” while holding hands outside Mikey’s Late Night Slice pizza truck in Columbus, Ohio. Fortunately, everyone in line defended the pair.

You can follow the link above to read the entire article, and read the entire letter.

My lesbian friend in Brooklyn said this in the e-mail:

nope. not vacationing in north carolina anytime soon.


I personally wouldn’t take it that far, and I don’t think we can blame an entire state for what happened to the couple. This is the sort of thing that can happen in any state, from New Jersey to California. The good thing is that we’re talking about it now, and when things like this happen they are being reported. For too long, things like this were ignored.

I actually feel a little guilty about this because I should have caught this story and I didn’t. And when I think of the fact that I posted about Amazon bestseller lists yesterday, which is such a trivial, superficial thing compared to what happened to these two decent women, I realize I need to step it up a little and focus on the more important things going on within the LGBT community. I grew a little discouraged after the last general election when I didn’t see any huge support for the first openly gay man to ever run for President. It was as if he didn’t even exist. And he was the only candidate to my knowledge who actually came out and stated that he would, indeed, fight for marriage equality.

In any event, a post to follow soon on gay divorce. I know it’s not the most pleasant topic to get into, which is why I’ve been putting it off for a long time, but as long as same sex marriage is not recognized on a federal level, it’s something all gay couples have to pay attention to.

North Carolina Ban on Same Sex Marriage…

This morning I turned on the TV while having coffee and Fox News came on. Gretchen Carlson said something to the effect of this: “North Carolina votes to protect the sanctity of marriage.”

I looked at Tony and smiled. “So she’s talking about the same ‘sanctity of marriage’ that applies to all the straight couples we know. You know, the couples who have been divorced two and three times. She’s not talking about the gay couples we know who have been together for twenty and thirty years and plan to be together for the rest of their lives. I just want to get this right so I can process it.”

Tony changed the channel. We both know and understand it’s more complicated than this…but this is how the mainstream discusses it.

Since high school, almost every single person I went to high school with has gone through two or three divorces by now. I witnessed a family member go through a divorce three years ago that devastated three children. And, for those who think they know it all, the forty year old *husband* fought to save the marriage, not the forty year old wife. She just didn’t want to be married anymore. She wanted to be single and continue to date her twenty-five year old boyfriend. She said, and I quote her directly, “The kids will get over it. Everyone’s divorced nowadays.” So far, the kids are in therapy, all are having problems in school they didn’t have before the divorce, and they spend their time traveling back and forth between their mom and dad’s house because the husband fought tooth and nail to get 50% custody. He would have fought for 100% but didn’t want to make it harder on the kids.

So when Gretchen Carlson is talking about the “sanctity of marriage,” I can only assume she, and those at Fox News, are living in a world with which I’m not familiar. A world where all straight couples fall in love, get married, go to church on Sunday, and live their lives focused on protecting the “sanctity of marriage.” But more than that, she clearly doesn’t know any gay people at ALL if she thinks they are trying to harm the “sanctity of marriage.”

But we’ve been through this before and we’ll go through it again. Clearly, North Carolina spoke yesterday and that’s all that matters. And it wasn’t just about marriage. They don’t even want civil unions.

It also strengthens the state’s position against same-sex civil unions, often considered a precursor to the marriage issue, Bradley said.

Here’s a link to more about the vote in North Carolina. It gives a good overview of what happened yesterday, with quotes from people who are on both sides of the issue. Even President Obama said he was “disappointed” in the vote, which doesn’t happen often. The good thing is that we’re not ready to give up yet in North Carolina, or anywhere else for that matter.

Any comments that don’t agree with this post will be deleted. This is my blog, not a democracy, and if you’re not for same sex marriage I really don’t care what you have to say.