Men Who Have Gay Sex

Gay Open Marriages; Gay Monogamy; Gay Couples and Dogs

Gay Open Marriages

After I finished writing the last book in The Rainbow Detective Agency (link below) I wanted to do something different. Something that focused on the romance in a gay marriage as well as some of the reality we often don’t hear about. So I worked the open marriage concept into the story line, and a good deal of book seems to revolve around the concept of gay open marriage. 

And I think the curiosity we have about gay open marriages is that they are rarely ever discussed aloud. But they clearly exist. If you do a search you’ll find so much information about this you won’t know where to start.

I thought this piece from The New York Times was one of the best.

The dirty little secret about gay marriage: Most gay couples are not monogamous. We have come to accept lately, partly thanks to Liza Mundy’s excellent recent cover story in the Atlantic and partly because we desperately need something to make the drooping institution of heterosexual marriage seem vibrant again, that gay marriage has something to teach us, that gay couples provide a model for marriages that are more egalitarian and less burdened by the old gender roles that are weighing marriage down these days.

I think the most important factor with any open marriage…gay or straight…is that every couple sets its own terms…or rules. And remember, we’re talking about men here, not women. Men think differently and it creates a new dynamic when the gender politics changes. I know this because I’m a gay man. I didn’t read it in a book somewhere.

You can read the rest here.  

Gay Monogamy

I think the whole concept of gay open marriage goes hand in hand with gay monogamy, and I also think it’s still too soon to tell anything yet. In other words, gay men weren’t allowed to get married for so long…or even come out of the closet…they did the best they knew how to do. And a good deal of that had to do with rebelling against traditional society. If you ever went to a gay bar in the 80s or 90s you know what I’m talking about.

If you do a simple search for gay monogamy, there’s a lot of information. I thought this was interesting. 

“Can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?”
This recent question to my advice column echoed what I hear from many of my gay psychotherapy clients. “My boyfriend and I have wanted to be monogamous, but neither of us has been able to totally stop the occasional hookup. It’s taken a toll on our relationship in terms of hurt feelings, trust and closeness.”
Noting how he frequently sees other coupled gay guys playing the field, my letter-writer poignantly asked: “Should I just accept that gay men and monogamy don’t mix, and stop feeling bad?”
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/gay-men-monogamy-combination-jvinc/#sthash.IPoczH9c.dpuf

Well, guys, this one’s sure to get everyone fired up. It seems, that in the dawn of a new era—that being the age of same-sex marriage—we all want to settle down and finally claim our equal portion of the (hetero-normative) American dream. Or do we? After scouring statistics and polls from numerous sources, what I discovered was interesting. No, all men do not cheat; nor do all gay couples consider monogamy and sexual exclusivity one and the same.

You can check out the rest here.  

It’s a little more complicated than it is with straight couples, and I think that’s because when you remove the gender politics…and don’t let anyone tell you there is gender politics in gay relationships because they don’t know what they’re talking about. There’s some gender politics, but not a lot…you get a different dynamic in the relationship. Once again, the fact is that men think differently than women and that plays a huge part in this discussion, too.

Gay Couples and Dogs

Here’s a video about gay couples and dogs that seems about as accurate as it gets.

If you aren’t a dog person, you undoubtedly know a few. And if you’ve spent even a small amount of time around them — in their home, at the dog park, on the beach perhaps — you’ll recognize how disturbingly accurate the below video from Buzzfeed Animals is.

You can watch this here. It’s a little exaggerated…but not by much!

I have one gay male friend who just doesn’t get it. He’s not a dog person and he looks at the rest of us as if we’ve lost our minds half the time.

The Rainbow Detective Agency Rancho Mirage

In Print and E-book



“Can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?”
This recent question to my advice column echoed what I hear from many of my gay psychotherapy clients. “My boyfriend and I have wanted to be monogamous, but neither of us has been able to totally stop the occasional hookup. It’s taken a toll on our relationship in terms of hurt feelings, trust and closeness.”
Noting how he frequently sees other coupled gay guys playing the field, my letter-writer poignantly asked: “Should I just accept that gay men and monogamy don’t mix, and stop feeling bad?”
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/gay-men-monogamy-combination-jvinc/#sthash.IPoczH9c.dpIn any event, here’s something I found about gays and monogamy. 

“Can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?”
This recent question to my advice column echoed what I hear from many of my gay psychotherapy clients. “My boyfriend and I have wanted to be monogamous, but neither of us has been able to totally stop the occasional hookup. It’s taken a toll on our relationship in terms of hurt feelings, trust and closeness.”
Noting how he frequently sees other coupled gay guys playing the field, my letter-writer poignantly asked: “Should I just accept that gay men and monogamy don’t mix, and stop feeling bad?”
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/gay-men-monogamy-combination-jvinc/#sthash.IPoczH9c.dpuf

“Can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?”
This recent question to my advice column echoed what I hear from many of my gay psychotherapy clients. “My boyfriend and I have wanted to be monogamous, but neither of us has been able to totally stop the occasional hookup. It’s taken a toll on our relationship in terms of hurt feelings, trust and closeness.”
Noting how he frequently sees other coupled gay guys playing the field, my letter-writer poignantly asked: “Should I just accept that gay men and monogamy don’t mix, and stop feeling bad?”
– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/gay-men-monogamy-combination-jvinc/#sthash.IPoczH9c.dpuf