Category: Gays being bottoms

Bottoming Is Harder; Problems With Gay Men; The Preacher’s Husband by Ryan Field

Bottoming Is Harder

Someone came up with 14 reasons why being a bottom is harder than being a top and I thought it was interesting with respect to the more generalized way gay men think. I’m not saying this is all we think about, not by any means. But if you were to read a blog post like this one, and read the way gay men are discussed in fiction, you would think gay men had no interest in that big bad, horrible thing called sex. I just find that mildly amusing, in a dismissive sense. It’s not really that important.

In any event, here are a few reasons why, according to this article, it’s easier being a bottom. I thought 7 and 8 were interesting.

7. Being ashamed of being a big old bottom. Even though 92% of gay men are bottoms, according to my ethnographic field research, lots of gay men are ashamed of it, as if there’s something less masculine about it. The majority of mainstream gay dudes are all about masculinity, and anything that eclipses that has got to go.

8. And speaking of which, if you are femme or even slightly effeminate or fey, the few tops out there in the gay sexual desert may not be interested in you. “If I wanted to date a girl, I would.” Oh lord.

I’ve never cared for that remark, the one in 8. But it is what it is sometimes. You can’t change that with fiction.

There’s more here.

Problems With Gay Men

This next link talks about the problems gay men have with other gay men. Admittedly, I have my own issues with some gay men. But not all, speaking in a general sense. They did a short film about why younger gay men are not identifying with gay culture in New York.

‘Masculine men tend to be attracted to masculine men, and feminine men seem to be attracted to masculine men as well.’

Gay men (and women across the spectrum) typically have a healthier balance of masculine and feminine traits than many heterosexual men. Why don’t we celebrate this? Because a lot of people are put off by a man walking or talking like a woman.

Why? Because many men have been taught to internalize a discomfort with feminine behavior. Being feminine means being weak.

Acting like a ‘pussy’ is treated like an inherently negative thing (so is acting like a ‘dick,’ but in a different way). So many of us openly prefer and seek out more ‘masculine’ guys.

Sexual attraction cannot be totally controlled, but this belittling of femininity needs to go.

The rest are fascinating. I agree with the one above. That belittling should go away. But I’m not sure I agree with them all, yet they’re fascinating.

The Preacher’s Husband
by Ryan Field