Top or Bottom In India; Neil Patrick Harris and Oscars; Free Gay Excerpt: Meadows Are Not Forever

Top or Bottom In India

In India, it seems tops think they are superior to bottoms…at least that is what this article suggests.

“If you read most status updates on gay and bi men’s groups on social media you will find that ‘tops’ present themselves as superior to ‘bottoms,’” Indian blogger Harry Ess writes in an new op-ed titled “Why do Indian tops think they are better than bottoms?” and published on Gay Star News. “This doesn’t seem to be the situation in the West but is a very common prejudice in India.”

You can read the rest here. I’m not surprised.  I’ve heard the same things here in the West, too. The problem is the minute these so-called tops turn out the lights and hit the sheets their legs go up faster than anything you’ve ever seen.

Neil Patrick Harris and Oscars

The only thing I know about the Oscars this year is what I saw being tweeted while I was watching Downton Abbey. So I can’t comment. But here’s a statement by Neil Patrick Harris on the Oscars…and that it was probably his last time hosting them.

 “I don’t know that my family nor my soul could take it. It’s a beast. It was fun to check off the list, but for the amount of time spent and the understandable opinionated response, I don’t know that it’s a delightful balance to do every year or even again.”

There’s more here. The comments are what you would expect: not too kind. 

Free Gay Excerpt: Meadows Are Not Forever

Here’s an excerpt from Meadows Are Not Forever that I don’t think has been published anywhere before.

You can find it here, on Amazon, and in most places where e-books are sold these days.


Cade couldn’t lie about that either.  “Once,” he said.  “But no one saw my face.  The only shots the camera took were rear lower body shots, no head shots.  I only filled in for an actor who didn’t bother to show up for work that day.  My job has always been behind the scenes, not in front of the camera.  And I’ve never used my real name.  In other words, if you did a search for me on the internet, you’d come up with nothing.”
They started whispering again, sending him quick glances, looking him up and down.  Cade sat back and exhaled.  He even smiled and extended his right leg.  Anderson Randolph hadn’t asked him many questions: he seemed to be sitting back and evaluating with his tongue pressed to his cheek.  Evidently, Anderson didn’t remember Cade or the cupcake incident from the airport.  If he had, Cade figured he would have said something right away.  For the first time that day, Cade felt so relaxed he fought the urge to yawn.  All that worrying about being recognized had been for nothing.
When they stopped whispering and turned to face him, there was a knock on the door.  The guy on the right said, “Come in,” and a young woman entered the room carrying a small tray of large chocolate cupcakes.  There must have been a mound of rich fudge frosting on top about three inches deep, set in perfect ridged swirls to form peaks.  And each one had been topped with an expensive truffle.
Unfortunately, the young woman didn’t notice that Cade had become so relaxed he’d stretched out his right leg.  And when she entered the room with the tray of chocolate cupcakes, she tripped over his right foot.  She caught her balance just in time and didn’t fall down.  But the cupcake tray jerked and a half dozen chocolate cupcakes went sailing across the room toward the three men at the long table.
The guys on the end saw them coming and ducted just in time.  But Anderson Randolph had been looking down at a stack of papers on the table he he’d missed the fall.  Three cupcakes landed on the floor; two upside down on the table.  And one lone cupcake flew across the table and landed right between Anderson Randolph’s legs.
The two guys started laughing and point at Anderson’s crotch.
The young woman apologized and bent over to retrieve the ruined cupcakes on the floor.
Cade sat up straight and held his palm to his throat as Anderson reached down between his legs and slowly lifted the upside down cupcake from his crotch.
Anderson held the cupcake up and stopped moving for a second.  His eyebrows furrowed as if deep in thought and he tilted his head sideways.  A minute later, he flung a glance in Cade’s direction.  His eyes opened wide; his lips parted.  He pointed at Cade and said, “You’re the cell phone guy from the airport.  I knew I’d seen you before somewhere.”
Cade gulped.  His heart began to race.  “I’m so sorry, Mr.  Randolph,” he said.  “I thought she saw my foot.”  He stood up and crossed to the table.  He looked down at the chocolate frosting smudged between Anderson’s legs and reached for a napkin that had fallen off the cupcake tray.  “I’ll get down on my knees and clean it off myself.  No one will ever know it happened.  I’m so sorry.”
As Cade reached across the table with the napkin, Anderson lifted his arms and said, “That won’t be necessary.  I’ll be fine.”  He set the cupcake down right side up, took a napkin from the table, and started wiping the chocolate frosting from his crotch.  But it only smeared and made the stain look worse.
Cade took a step back.  His face grew warmer.  “I’m so sorry, Mr.  Randolph.  You have my name and address and contact information on the form.  Please send me the cleaning bill.  And if there’s a stain that can’t be removed, please send me the bill for new pants.  I feel just awful about this.”
The other two guys were now laughing so hard they were doubled over and leaning sideways.  The guy with the beard said, “Let him wipe it off, Anderson.”  The other said, “I’ll pour some water on it and he can get down on his knees right now.”
Anderson stood up and smirked at his associates.  He looked at Cade and said, “Thank you very much, we’ll be in touch.”  Then he stood up and went to the men’s room alone.
Cade thought about following him, but didn’t want to make things worse.  He turned and left the room, while the two guys continued to laugh and the young woman scrambled to clean up the mess.  Cade went back to the banquet room and plopped down on a chair so he could phone Meadow.
When she answered, he said, “You’re never going to believe this.”
“Did you get the job?”
He sighed and explained everything that had happened.
“Was he mad?”  Meadow asked.  “That idiot girl should have been watching where she was going.  It’s not like you did it on purpose.”
Cade frowned.  “It was hard to tell.  I mean he didn’t scream and shout.  He’s very professional and very dignified that way.  But he had to be mad.  How would you feel if some idiot smashed you with chocolate cupcakes twice in the same week?”
“I see your point,” She said, adding a sigh.
Then he told her about all the questions they’d asked about his job with straightguycondo.com.  “I had to tell the truth.  I couldn’t lie.  For all I know that did me in before I slammed him with frosting again.”
“Did they tell you they weren’t interested in you?”  She asked.
“No.”                          
“That’s a good sign.  They aren’t shy about that.  Maybe they want to use that angle for publicity.  You never know.  I’ve seen it before.  On the Internet they call it click-bait…something that gets attention fast.  And what’s more click-bait than a gay porn star on TV? The women alone will love it.”
“Who knows,” Cade said.  “All I do know is that it was a nightmare.  I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”
“Well, at least you didn’t back out,” she said.  “That says something about your character.  You’re a fighter.  You’ll be okay.  There will be tons of other auditions and jobs and this will be forgotten by next month.”  Meadow didn’t sound very positive now.  In fact, it sounded as if she were trying to let him down easy.
“I’m not going home right away,” Cade said.  “I saw a nice little coffee shop near the parking garage and I’m going there to just sit and unwind for a while.  I can’t take being this depressed and being in New Jersey at the same time.  I’ll call you later tonight.”  The coffee shop he’d passed reminded him of his favorite bodega in LA.
“Don’t start obsessing about the negatives,” Meadow said.  “It was an accident.  These things happen.”
“I’ll call you later tonight.”  He couldn’t wait to get off the phone.  They’d just called another name, which meant Anderson was back in the audition room.  Cade wanted to get out of the hotel before anything else happened.
When he was on the street, he dialed his mother and said, “I ran into a few old friends, so don’t wait for me.  I’m going to have coffee with them, and I might have dinner with them, too.  I’ll be home before midnight, though.”  It was easier to lie.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to keep something warm on the stove,” Daisy asked.  “It’s no trouble, dear.”
“Thanks, mother,” Cade said.  “I’ll be fine.  If I don’t see you tonight, I’ll see you in the morning.  But I will be home before midnight.”  He wasn’t sure if he’d have dinner in the city, but he figured he’d tell her that just in case he decided to.  He didn’t want to go back to the house right away but he couldn’t tell her that.  He’d wind up sitting in his bedroom, alone and depressed, replaying the entire nightmare of a day in his head.  And he remembered the rules from high school.  As long as he was home by midnight, his parents were fine.
“Be careful, dear,” Daisy said.  “And please drive safely.  They drive like maniacs in Philadelphia and you’re not used to the roads anymore.”
“I will, mother.”  She obviously had no idea what serious traffic was like in Los Angeles.
He put his phone away and crossed the street.  The parking garage sat only a block away, and the coffee shop was right next door.  He went in and ordered a large latte.  He really wanted a good stiff drink…vodka…but he couldn’t do that because he had to drive back to New Jersey.  For Cade, caffeine had always been the next best thing to booze.  It picked him up and lifted his spirits; it gave him energy when he didn’t want to walk another step.
At that hour, the coffee shop was empty.  People were either going to dinner or going out for drinks before dinner.  He sat on a large red leather sofa with scuffed arms gazing at a flat screen TV for almost an hour and a half.  He didn’t even pay attention to what was on TV, not even Judge Judy whom he adored. He just kept replaying what had happened during the audition and cringing inside.
When a cute guy wearing glasses sent him an inviting glance from the other side of the coffee shop, he smiled and looked down at his lap fast.  He could have made eye contact with the guy and had him that night if he’d wanted him.  He was Cade’s type, too, with athletic, rugged looks, heavy five o’clock shadow, and big strong hands.  But Cade decided to ignore the guy on purpose.  The last thing he needed was another big jock type getting into his pants and telling him a pack of lies.  They always lied, or at the very least exaggerated the truth.  Cade thought about Harold and his wife again and clenched his fists.
After his third latte, Cade glanced at his watch and decided it was time to go home.  It was after seven and his mother and father had already eaten their dinner.  By the time he returned home, they’d be getting ready for bed.  Cade still hadn’t eaten anything that day, but he wasn’t hungry.  The thought of the chocolate cupcakes flying across the room kept turning his stomach, and the caffeine from the lattes had killed his appetite.
But when he flung the coffee shop door open to step onto the street, he heard thump and a man shouted, “Shit.  What the fuck?
Cade walked outside and found Anderson Randolph standing next to the coffee shop entrance hunched over, rubbing his shoulder.  Passersby stopped and gaped.  Cade reached for Anderson’s shoulder and said, “I’m so sorry, Mr.  Randolph.  I didn’t see anyone coming.  I had no idea.”

Gay Sex Roles: Tops and Bottoms; Be A Better Gay Top; Davey Wavey on Good Tops

Gay Sex Roles: Tops and Bottoms

This is one of those posts I’m keeping more clinical because I think it’s important to the discussion of m/m romance and almost all gay fiction. Even if this doesn’t come up in any particular book, it is dormant between the lines no matter how hard someone tries to dispute it (or ignore it). We often read a great deal about gender politics with regard to gay relationships that discuss the fundamentals, with respect to heteronormative couples, and most of that is a huge waste of human time. I think another fundamental aspect of any relationship…gay or straight…are sex roles. And there’s absolutely nothing dirty or obscene about this.

This article dates back a few years, but I think it’s one of the best I’ve read about gay sex roles in a long time.

Most psychology research that deal with gay men dichotomize the sex roles as Top and Bottom (if they differentiate among gay men at all) – preference for insertive anal intercourse and preference for receptive anal intercourse respectively. This paper summarizes a study that tested a more elaborate categorization, and finds that sex role preference is correlated with differences in physical preferences for a sexual partner among gay men, suggesting that the hypothesized categorization is meaningful. The data suggests that sex roles should be thought of as a continuous spectrum that map onto a continuous spectrum of physical preferences.
 
The new categorization tested includes 6 categories:
1) Only Bottom
2) Versatile, but prefer Bottom
3) Versatile, equal
4) Versatile, but prefer Top
5) Only Top
6) Never had anal sex / Don’t Know
 
In other words, diversification. I also think there could be a few more added to this list, but for now it’s simple and accurate. Of course I probably wouldn’t get into this in fiction unless the main character were a psychologist or something related, but these “things” are always in the background of any book whenever there is a situation that involves two people involved in a relationship that is even remotely sexual.
 
You can read the rest here. I think it’s worthwhile reading. It disputes a lot of myths, for one thing.
 
Many gay men feel that there are more Bottoms than Tops, and the point of the study wasn’t to prove this one way or another. The milieu of gay.com may have skewed the proportions. But the point of the study was to see whether preference for certain physical traits were different among individuals among the different categories rather than finding out the actual distribution (which is a much tougher question because it’s hard to remove the bias of where you solicit your respondents).
 
To put this into an even more interesting (and simple) perspective, think about the most recent episode of True Blood. The flamboyant gay character who is always gender bending with clothes and image wound up in a situation with one of the more masculine vampires. In the next scene we find the more effeminate character topping and the more masculine character on the bottom. I’ve known many couples in real life like this, too. A lot of what we think we know on the surface only promotes the old stereotypes.  
 
Be A Better Gay Top
 
Since I’m posting on this topic, and I have posted about how to be a better gay bottom, I thought I would be remiss if I didn’t post something about being a better top. This is really important, especially if the top is responsible for a bottom’s first time.
 
Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because empathy always makes a better lover. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time.
 
You can read more here. The article gets into a lot of other issues I think are important. It states that it’s not just the bottom’s responsibility to bring the condom. It’s everyone’s responsibility and if you’re a good top you’ll pay attention to this. It’s true. Then again, I also know from personal experience that if you’re a smart bottom you’ll bring that condom anyway because the odds are the top guy won’t have one. When I was single I never met one who did carry one. He’ll tell you he’ll pull out. He’ll tell you he’s safe. He’ll tell you anything to get you to do what he wants. Just bring the condom and don’t trust anyone you don’t know well. This might not be the most clinical advice, or the most politically correct advice. But it’s like defensive driving…it’s the most logical advice if you want to remain disease free. And I’m not just talking about HIV. There’s a long list of sexually transmitted diseases that require medical attention you don’t want to get.
 
Davey Wavey on Good Tops
 
Davey Wavey, youtube star, has weighed in on this issue in a less clinical sense. But the first thing he gets into is something I’ve seen even in clinical articles: the best tops have also been bottoms and they know how things work, so to speak, from personal experience. I’m not sure that’s always true, even though it does make sense. There are plenty of good tops out there would never even consider bottoming. But it’s a fun video if you take it on surface value.
 
If you can’t see the video here, here’s the youtube link. If you haven’t seen any Davey Wavey videos you’ll find more links on other related topics on that page to which I linked.
 
 
 
 
 Small Town Romance Writer
 
by Ryan Field

 


Anderson Cooper: Andy Cohen Tops; Aussie Micro Penis; Biggest Visible Penis Line (VPL)

Anderson Cooper: Andy Cohen Tops

In a recent interview Anderson Cooper revealed, in a way, that Andy Cohen is a top, not a bottom.

Anderson: I know a lot of secrets about Andy, but I guess the one that would surprise people the most is that he’s a top.

Andy: Why, you think people think I’m a bottom?

Kelly: I don’t.

Anderson: Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m just saying, I think that would surprise people — I don’t know this from personal experience, but from conversations you and I have had.

I don’t know if that’s also a revelation from Cooper that he’s a bottom, but a person could read between the lines.

Why is this significant and why should we care? Well, it’s not and we shouldn’t. I just thought it was interesting to see this discussed on TV in such a casual manner. I don’t think I’ve seen it before.

You can read more here and watch a video.

Kelly’s expression is priceless, and she also mentions there might be people at home who don’t know what that means.

She’s right.

As always, the comment thread is very amusing. Most don’t believe it. They think Cohen is lying like most bottoms tend to do. I tend to agree.

And just like every “top” on Grindr, Lies.   All lies.  

Ha!

Aussie Micro Penis

There’s a guy from Australia with a “micro” penis who wants to mortgage his home to get a bigger one. First, I didn’t know there was such a thing as a “micro” penis and what I’m imagining is interesting. Second, I didn’t know they could make them bigger.

“My penis is basically infant-sized,” “Mike” told ninemsn. “Pre-surgery, I was two to three centimeters (1 inch) flaccid and I’m now four centimeters (1.5 inches). My erection is probably around seven centimeters (2.75 inches).”

“It has prevented me from doing or experiencing a lot of things. I haven’t experienced proper relationships. I found it difficult to talk to girls. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 24 when I had a girlfriend for three months.” 

Because of this he suffers from depressive disorders, and he would gladly trade a few IQ points to gain a few more inches.

You can read about that here. There’s a photo of him and he has a great body.

Frankly, I’m not sure why he just didn’t go to kickstarter for a bigger dick. He might even get a new house while he’s at it.

Biggest Visible Penis Line (VPL)

For a guy with the exact opposite problem, the penis issue continues. This time it’s about a guy with such a big one it actually moves when he walks. He’s wearing skinny jeans so he’s obviously not trying to hide it. I shared a video of this on social media earlier this week but for those who haven’t seen it I thought it was worth posting about.

21-year-old Jamie’s massive bulge was the breaking news during BBC’s report on immigration!

Check out the Vine clip:

You can watch the video of the big one here. I’ll bet you can’t just watch it once.

I learned something new, too, in the comment thread. It’s very educational.

That is not a bulge. It’s a VPL – Visable Penis Line.

 A bulge is when there is a visible portion of tension in clothing at the crotch, caused by the dick and balls.

A VPL is only the outline of the penis through clothing, typically down the leg or across the hip, indicating length, shape, and/or size of the penis; this may include an outline of the head of this penis, but not always.

There you are.

Small Town Romance Writer

 
by Ryan Field

 
 


Tops and Bottoms, Huh? Secret Millionaire Dies

Tops and Bottoms, Huh?

There’s an amusing article at Huff Po today, with an even more amusing video, that makes a few valid points but in the end fails to get right into the reality of the matter at hand: tops and bottoms.

One guy said this:

“I think a lot of guys are versatile or do both [positions], but I think there some people who just want to get f**ked or just want to f**ck! And so I don’t think we should take that away from them either,” said Michelson. “I agree with you that there’s probably too much of a concentration on these roles and what comes with them, but I don’t want to deny a total top the right to just top his little heart out!”

I think if he’d said the same thing about bottoms just wanting to bottom their little hearts out the entire set, including camera men, would have fallen down laughing, because I’d bet money he’s a bottom. Actually, it’s a group of bottoms talking about tops and bottoms, without top representation.

How do I know this? I have ten years on all of them and I’ve done and seen it all. I’m also past the point of PC in some cases and this is one of them. Very few bottoms will ever admit, openly, they are bottoms. But it’s not that hard to figure out. And there’s really nothing wrong with it.

I do, however, think they make some very valid points, especially when one mentioned not all gay men have anal sex. That’s very true in some cases and it’s not all that unusual for some gay men to abstain from anal sex altogether.

There is one point they missed in the quest to figure out tops and bottoms. If it weren’t such a big thing with gay men social media web sites where millions of gay men from all over the world meet wouldn’t be classifying gay men as tops or bottoms. This needs to be discussed if you’re looking to meet someone, especially for a long term relationship. Are there some who are versatile? I think there are. But not the majority. It’s been my experience the majority of versatiles are all bottoms, most are unwilling to admit it aloud because there’s a social stigma attached to being a bottom because it makes them less masculine, and most of those who claim to be versatile are using code for bottom. Trust me on this. You might not read it anywhere else. But I’ve known more than a few who claim to be versatile and when they get into bed the legs go up higher than any bottom you’ve ever seen.

And there’s nothing sadder than two bottoms trying to figure out what to do, so these things should be made clear up front so no one is disappointed. (Younger gay men who don’t know much need to know this so they don’t find out the hard way, so to speak.)

If you don’t know what a top or bottom is, you can google it. If you don’t believe anything I just wrote, you’re living in a PC dream world. But more important, this has nothing to do with gender politics…in most cases.

The comment thread is why I write these posts.

Secret Millionaire Dies

I love pieces like this next one because they come so few and far between. You have to wonder what motivates a person to make choices like this when there’s no need, and what kind of self-actuated mind set they have…or had. In this case a multi-millionaire, Jack MacDonald, lived a humble life and wore old worn clothes. The people who knew him best didn’t have a clue he was worth that much money. He guarded his privacy and a few family members knew the truth.

After the 98-year-old MacDonald died in September, however, much of that nest egg was donated to charity, with MacDonald leaving a combined total of $187.6 million to the Seattle Children’s Research Institute, the University of Washington School of Law and the Salvation Army.
 
You can read more here. It’s very inspiring.