gay men are men

14 Gay Negative Statements; Honoring Stonewall in London

14 Gay Negative Statements

This article claims there are 14 things you should never say to a gay man. Of course it’s a tongue-in-cheek piece and none of it’s written in stone, however, I noticed a few things I’ve posted about over the years myself and it’s interesting in a general sense to see I wasn’t the only one thinking this way. I thought this line was interesting: “the factory of Sex in the City tokenism.” I’ve used the old TV show Sex in the City so many times as a point of reference I have too many posts up to link to one thing in particular.

In any event, I agree with some of the statements, I’m not so sure about others. The gay community is very diverse. Just last night Tony and I were watching the TV show House Hunters where a gay couple was looking for a property in NJ within commuting distance to Manhattan. They looked at one place in Jersey City in Trump Tower and one of them actually said he would like to live there because he could tell all his friends he lives in Trump Tower…as if that’s the most important thing in the house hunting process for him. We switched channels after that comment. It was too Sex in the City for us. We’re more interested in space, views, future property values, and the pragmatic issues that accompany becoming a home owner, not whether or not we can brag about living in Trump Tower. And, last I heard, Donald Trump wasn’t supporting gay people.

3. “I’m like a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.”

I know you’re trying to connect with me, but what does that even mean? Does that make me a straight woman trapped inside a gay man’s body? Trust me, there’s a lot more to being gay than enjoying nice clothes and hooking up with dudes.

4. “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a woman?”

Did you need to experiment with women to know you were straight? What about porcupines? How do you know you wouldn’t enjoy sex with a porcupine if you don’t at least try it?

These are just two of the 14 I thought were interesting, and two I’ve personally heard many times myself. The rest are just as informative and entertaining. There are gay men who love Sex in the City. I don’t understand why. But they do. It’s all about diversity.

You can read more here.

Side note: This one below is for Joan and Melissa Rivers They had a wedding shower (or bachelorette party thing) episode on their reality show last year where the token gay guy went along as one of the girls. Of course I’m sure he’s being paid well, and some gay guys will do anything for a buck. But seriously. It’s time to knock it off.

7. “Come to girl’s night!”

If I’m invited then it’s not girl’s night. Stop calling it that! I’m not a girl!

Honoring Stonewall in London

This is the kind of thing I love to see. When the LGBT community comes together on a global level the way they are doing in London at the 2014 Pride event.

Pride in London 2014 will pay tribute to the 45th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots in New York, a turning point for the LGBTI liberation movement.

You can read more here.

The Interesting Thing About Gay Men…


In one sentence: The interesting thing about gay men is they are men.

I know this sounds a little too obvious to most people who don’t know much about gay men. And when I say “don’t know much,” I’m talking about people who aren’t gay and get their information from TV shows, Hollywood films, and some lgbt fiction. Notice I said “some” gay lgbt fiction. I’m not writing this post to single out anyone in particular. But I have seen a few lgbt books…one written by a national bestselling author…where a gay character was treated more like a woman than a man. The dialogue made me groan out out and I felt like tossing the book out the window. And, to be fair, it was a damn good book!

It’s just that the author was faking it. She obviously has one or two gay friends in her life and she drew her information from them without going any deeper. Part of this is the fault of the silent, closeted sector of the lgbt community. For as long as I can remember, it’s always been the loudest voices in the lgbt community who propagate the most stereotypes. Don’t get me wrong. I love these people, all stereotypes aside. I love their courage and I love how they speak up for all of us. And, though I get a lot of flack for this, I personally don’t mind stereotypes when used in appropriate circumstances. I think we’ve all become a little too PC…to the point where everyone is afraid to speak.

But the reason the vast majority of gay men aren’t heard often is because they are men. Men don’t think like women, they don’t react like women, and they don’t navigate the world like women. With men, it’s black and white, with very few gray areas. Men react differently to sex as well. They don’t seem to need as much emotion, and sex is more of a physical need than an emotional need. I’m not talking about “studies” now. I’m speaking from my own personal experience as a gay man and from my experiences with gay men. There’s a reason psychologists have written bestselling books about the differences between men and women. And gay men, though I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, think like men.

One of the least explored relationships, I think, are the friendships between gay men and straight men. I see TV shows, films, and books all the time where the gay guy always has a best girlfriend, the consummate fag hag. And yes, there are gay men like this. But most aren’t. At least most of the gay men I know aren’t. And, unfortunately, the reason why this is usually so hard to see is because half the gay men who are friends with straight men aren’t open about being gay. In other words, you can’t tell them apart no matter how hard you try. If you want to read a book or check out a movie where the relationship between a straight man and a gay man is close to perfect, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil does an excellent job.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression here. I’m not dissing effeminate gay men or the women who love them. Personally, I love women…I appreciate their energy most of all. And I have had, and still have, many gay male friends who love feathers, rhinestones, and glitter. I love them, too. But the lgbt community isn’t what it appears to be on the surface. I think this is changing as time passes and more people start to feel comfortable with themselves and their sexuality. If I’d been born thirty years earlier, I wouldn’t be writing gay fiction openly, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post right now. I would most likely have been in the closet, sneaking around on the down low…like so many gay men are still doing today.

But the fact remains, gay men are still men. And no matter how anyone tries to twist it around, it’s always going to be this way.

Do Gay Men Like Being Called Boys?

I’ve seen it and heard it all my life. Straight people, without meaning harm, referring to a gay couple as The Boys. I know a successful attorney who has been openly gay all his life and straight people refer to him as one of the boys. It doesn’t matter that he can buy and sell them ten times over. It doesn’t matter that he has more education and more life experience. In their eyes, he’s a boy, not a man.

In my lifetime, I’ve been called a boy many times. At parties, the wife will shout, “The Boys are here.” It’s always been used as a term of endearment, and no one meant any harm. But it always made me cringe. When I was younger it wasn’t so bad. But as I get older and gain more life experience, I find it more insulting than anything else. I’m not a boy. I’m a man.

And I can’t help wondering how other gay guys feel about this. It’s so unconscious it’s never actually discussed. There’s a popular TV show called The Fabulous Beekman Boys. These guys don’t seem to mind. They make their goat cheese; one has a bestselling book out. The could have called the show The Beekman Guys or The Beekman Men. They could have omitted the word fabulous altogether. But they chose the word Boys. Did it even occur to them they didn’t have to be called boys? I’m not even going near the word fabulous. I don’t use it often enough to care.

Maybe I’m reading too much into all this. I never corrected anyone for calling me a boy. But lately I’ve been thinking about doing it just to see what kind of reaction I get. You tend to get that way as you get older. But try calling Donald Trump a boy and see how he reacts.