Category: Gay Anal Douching

"Looking and Douching" / SNL Bachelor Parody/ Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter/ Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

“Looking and Douching”

While watching the latest installment of HBO’s gay series last night, Looking, I realized that in over 100 works of gay fiction I’ve written I never actually got into the act of anal douching with characters in any great amount of detail. I sometimes write the character “took care of things” before or after a sex scene. But never thought it was important to go into too much detail about this…preaching to the choir? 

Evidently, not the case in Looking. They actually added so much douchery into the storyline in such detail I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see Jonathan Groff again without thinking of mountain fresh scent. We saw Jonathan buy the douche, joke around about the douche with the clerk in the store in a lame attempt at humor, and we even saw him on his knees and elbows while he douched his ass. What that part was about I still don’t understand…getting down on the floor in THAT position. Without going into detail here on the blog, I never found it necessary to do that.

And then, just when you thought the douchery scenes were all over, they brought it up again while Jonathan was in bed with the guy he’s cheating with.

Speaking of cheating and Looking, it’s interesting to see how this storyline of infidelity is being handled. Jonathan’s character is sleeping with another man’s partner/lover. The interesting thing is there doesn’t seem to be an ounce of remorse about this. While he’s stuffing himself with mountain fresh scent, and another man’s partner, on a regular basis so far it’s all giggles and laughs and let the games begin.

I watched with Tony last night. We usually have the same taste in TV shows and movies and when we don’t we usually give in and let the other one watch whatever he wants. In this case, gay themed TV is almost always something we both enjoy. But last night, during Looking, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Tony groan so much aloud. At one point I thought he was in pain. From the douchery scenes to the cheating scenes, he kept asking me how much time was left, and when will it all end. And I’m starting to wonder if that’s how other people are feeling.

I had to watch the show; just for blogging purposes alone. But frankly, if they don’t make Jonathan Groff’s character a little less self-indulgent I’m not sure how long I’ll continue to watch. When this show first started I thought it was filled with promise. I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t know one single gay man in my life who ever enjoyed infidelity as much as Jonathan’s character does. For me, it just gets tired. If I can’t relate to the character I can still watch. But if I don’t like the character it’s a completely different thing.

SNL Bachelor Parody

I’ve never seen the reality show The Bachelor, and I haven’t watched SNL since the early years of the Bush administration. I think reality TV is tired and completely staged, and I think network shows like SNL are about as relevant now as dial up land line telephones.

But they both still seem to be holding their own, so to speak, with a certain market and there was a recent question about whether or not SNL went too far with its parody of The Bachelor.

The Bachelor has been called into question for its lack of diversity before, and Shelton even takes that issue on as he tells one of the black women, “Would you be cool with never seeing another black person again?” In the parody, he went even further: “There’s so many beautiful girls here, but I have to send three of them home. Probably the two black girls plus one of the curly haired ones.”

I have no opinion because I don’t watch either show. However, I do just once wish that someone would go after SNL the way they’ve been going after everyone else. Of course, with parody. Make it gay parody on straight liberal people humor. And start with the way that show is and always has been designed for the most heteronormative market out there. With the way they go overboard trying to apologize to the black community and the gay community I think a parody on them would be even more amusing than one on The Bachelor. We could start with one about Michael Moore and his badass. I would do it myself, but that would mean I would have to actually watch SNL. Said me, never.

You can read the rest here.

Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter

This can be a serious matter…even though it hasn’t been talked about on Looking yet. Although I’ve posted articles about anal sex before in a variety of ways, as I see them popping up in gay culture, I’ve never posted anything about one of the most important aspects of anal sex: the sphincter muscles. It could be the difference between good anal and bad, and depending on whether or not yours is too tight or too loose really does matter a lot.

If you’ve been around and back, you might want to check out this article below about tightening that old anal sphincter. No one wants to top for the Lincoln Tunnel. And those of you who do get pounded regularly won’t even know this because you’re on the wrong end of the stick, so to speak. But that top guy who isn’t going to reply to your texts the next day knows exactly what’s wrong.

Of course this article is designed with medical terms for more practical reasons. But the same concept applies to tightening the anal sphincter with regard to anal sex. Here you go:

 Kegel exercises, also called pelvic floor exercises, can help reduce fecal incontinence by strengthening rectal muscles. To perform them, tighten the muscles of the anus, buttocks and pelvis as if you were trying to prevent the escape of stool or gas. Hold the muscles as tightly as you can for at least five seconds, then relax. Do 30 of these at a time, three times daily, for a total of 90 Kegels a day. This regimen may cause improvement in fecal incontinence within a matter of weeks.

Now, if things are too tight down there, which usually tends to be the case, this article might help you...and your partner.

Even if a person does feel comfortable during anal sex, he or she may still need to learn voluntary control over his or her internal sphincter in order to relax it at will. Doing so requires regularly inserting a finger, perhaps in the shower each day, and feeling the internal sphincter. The muscle changes spontaneously and in response to behavior. In this instance, simply paying attention is more important than trying to relax. Anyone can gradually learn to control the internal sphincter at will.

It really is a matter of concentration. And once you learn how to master this you’ll be trying to figure out ways to tighten that sphincter up in no time at all.

For those of you who don’t think this can be an issue, this amusing exchange at Yahoo will back me up…no pun intended.  It’s about a guy who is wondering if “his” hole is too tight for anal sex.

The anus is a muscle like any other. A gymnast or dancer stretches on a regular basis to maintain flexibility. He or she doesn’t just wait until they have to perform. You don’t sound like you have anal sex very often, so perhaps he needs to get more comfortable with regular anal penetration. Buy him a small, flexible ********* (jelly or silicone), and use that to loosen him up. Incorporate it into other sex play. See if he can get comfortable just wearing it around the house . Ideally he should start having “stretchy time” every day for a short while. When the ********* stops feeling big he can go up a size. Repeat this process until minimal warm-up is required for anal sex and there is very little (if any) discomfort. 

I would suggest removing the ********* while driving or jogging. That could be embarrassing.

Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

I really don’t like going after anyone’s physical appearance online. This is the first time I’ve ever done it and I hope the last. I think it’s the lowest form of online behavior. However, sometimes a point needs to be made. 

That ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck, Howard Stern, who gained fame in the early nineties by bashing and shocking everyone…which is his only talent in life…is now going after Brit singer, Sam Smith, without provocation. And he’s doing this in the most vituperative way since he went after Kathy Lee Griffin. It must be that Stern has become as irrelevant as SNL and he needs publicity. He also knows a guy like Sam Smith is far too polite to go after him and call him what he is…an ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck. You know, because the gay people are all too polite to ever reply in a less than dignified manner. Of course I would probably react the same way Sam is reacting, however, I did want to point out that there are different ways to approach this kind of attack Stern has launched.

Stern is also gay-shaming.

In an astonishing verbal on air attack, Howard Stern, a veteran US radio show host and judge on America’s Got Talent, said of UK singer Sam Smith: ‘Do you know what I love about that guy? He’s an ugly motherf***er.’ 

‘He’s fat. And I love it. You know what, he looks gay to me. Not that anybody looks gay but he does seem effeminate,’ he added. 

The 61-year-old DJ, which TMZ once dsecribed as having made a career out of controversy, also predicted the openly gay singer’s career success will be short-lived. 

It’s hard to go after someone who will be on social security in a few short years, but seriously sometimes we just have to forget all about that peace and love business and call it for what it is. It’s just a different approach. And that ugly fucking Howard Stern should be the LAST person on earth to call anyone else ugly.

You can read more here, where there’s a series of Tweets in Smith’s defense.

Chase of a Lifetime