Give Your Penis A Lift: Colorful Artsy Condoms

This might be good for those of you who are always saying you don’t like condoms.

You want to use protection, but, more important, you want to express yourself. Your passions, your fears, your most secret desires, your favorite color. You want to penetrate your lover with some serious pizzazz. You want a condom that says, “Hey, baby, this is me.” 

Here’s the rest, and there are photos of the condoms. I actually think they look like fun.

Kurt Russell: A Planet With A Penis

This is making news thanks to Comic-Con. If you were wondering whatever happened to Kurt Russell, he’s playing a planet with a penis in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

That’s fun and all, but then the studio debuted a clip from the upcoming movie—which it has yet to put online—that reportedly both confirmed and confounded something we already knew about the film. Yes, Kurt Russell will be playing Star-Lord’s dad in Guardians Vol. 2. That was a given. Here’s the weird part. He’ll also be playing this guy: 

There’s more here.  I don’t follow this stuff, so I can’t explain it in detail. But I’m sure a lot of you know what they’re talking about.

Nutella Filled Penis Cakes

I do follow stuff like this, and I happen to love Nutella, so this caught my eye immediately. In fact, Nutella is the one food I never seem to get tired of.

Overflowing with gag-inducing goodness, the cakes are well endowed with Nutella filling and eerily resemble the actual shape (or one of the many diverse shapes) of a human penis. In a further attempt to fool customers into thinking they’re consuming the real thing rather than an elaborate phallic joke, the cakes are also topped with a slightly translucent condensed milk icing. No one is safe from the feeling of returning to junior high only to enroll in the Pen15 club while eating these.

You can check this out here, with photos. They actually serve them on a stick so you won’t get your hands all sticky.