While searching for various words to use instead of penis (that weren’t slang, already over-used, and uncouth), I came across a few interesting web sites and wound up getting lost over the rainbow in all things penis. And while I didn’t find any words that work better than what I’ve been using for years in erotic fiction (plain and simple still works best), I did find a few interesting facts I didn’t know.
But if you don’t like penis, you might want to skip this post.
4 Penis Myths Busted Here’s one I found interesting:
Although there’s plenty of research investigating the health benefits of semen, telling your date that your stuff is low-carb is not going to fly. (Unless you’ve been dying to have drink thrown in your face.) “Semen is mostly fruit sugar [fructose] and enzymes—not low-carb,” says Marc Goldstein, M.D., a professor of reproductive medicine and urology at Cornell University’s Weill Medical College.
This one will lead you to a long list of words that can replace penis. But as I stated above, most wouldn’t work in erotica unless you’re using dialogue and that’s how the character speaks. Or for some other unusual circumstance that might crop up while you’re writing.
Frankly, I’d never heard of “ding dong mcdork, dude piston, or short arm,” not to mention a few others, like “meter long king kong dong.” But if you are looking for different words in place of penis…aside from the two most common we all know and love…this is the place to go.
On a web site called “Thought Catalogue,” I found something unusual about how a penis feels.
It’s like the start of an adventure when you are giddily anticipating what is going to happen when you start touching one and you haven’t had time for anything to feel boring or disappointing.
As I said, a very interesting article, and you’ll probably stop and think twice while you’re reading it.
This link is just outright painful in more ways that one. I suggest thinking twice before clicking it, because I’m not going to even get into what it’s about in this post. The only hints I’ll give are that it involves a Japanese chef who is asexual and wanted cook up something unusual. Unfortunately, there are photos, too.
For something a little lighter, check out this web site that measures the distance a penis will travel. It’s a quiz or something where you can find out the actual distance your penis goes during a romantic encounter, or in your lifetime.
definition: The cumulative distance that a penis travels during sex (Length of penis multiplied by number of thrusts. In and out count as two thrusts). Can be a measure of a single event or a lifetime. c/oUrban Dictionary
How to say penis in any language could be a great help to authors who write about foreign locations, or characters from different countries. I wish I’d seen this one when I was writing a book with a British character a few years ago. I could have used “plonker” in a few places with dialogue. I actually find it to be an interesting word and I’d love to find out how it became synonymous with penis.
From what I gather, this web site is a lot like facbook, except it’s focused on penis. In fact, it’s a social network that is only about networking penis and nothing else. You have to be 18 to enter, and the photos are explicit. So you’ve been warned.
And for those who lean more toward scientific data, here’s a web site that explains how a male opossum’s penis is bifurcated. I didn’t know this one either. It stunned me to think such a thing existed.
Because opossums mate quickly and birth is a rather low-key affair with the young being so tiny, an amusing myth was created. The belief was that the male used his bifurcated penis to eject sperm into the female’s nose (well, it was the right size and shape). She then sneezed the tiny babies into her pouch (she wasn’t sneezing, she was licking the hair to make the babies journey to the teats easier).
This is what bifurcated means:
The male opossum has a two-pronged, or bifurcated, penis, and when he ejaculates sperm, they swim in pairs.
Now that’s not something you read everyday of the week.
Finally, here are the Top Ten Penises of All Time!!
I can’t help thinking about what a great title that would be for a book.
Photo courtesy of this wonderful photographer. I so wish there were more like this, who are willing to share images. Please take the time to check it out!! I would have had to take a photo of my own crotch had I not found this one.