Gay Marriage Commentary

In a piece titled, Did Christians Get Gay Marriage Right, Jay Michaelson gets into a few interesting/unusual comments about gay marriage, all marriage in general, and how marriage may or may not change now that gay marriage is becoming more accepted. 

And there are a few points that could be argued, if not completely disabused.

At the same time, there is some truth to the conservative claim that gay marriage is changing, not just expanding, marriage.  According to a 2013 study, about half of gay marriages surveyed (admittedly, the study was conducted in San Francisco) were not strictly monogamous.

I find that hard to believe, and the San Francisco comment was insulting. No one has ever asked me to participate in one of these studies, mainly because I couldn’t be bothered doing one. That’s right. I think studies like this are bullshit. And I’m in a monogamous marriage. Most of the gay men I know are in monogamous gay marriages and have been even before they could legally get married. I do know a few gay couples who have “open” relationships, but they tend to be so discreet about it I doubt they would ever admit anything in a survey. So I find that survey hard to believe, and I think the generalization is insulting. I also believe that if all the straight couples in the US were polled there would be just as many, if not more, non-monogamous marriages on record. If anything, I have never seen such a huge shift toward heteronormativity with gay couples since gay marriage has become legal in so many states…which is perfectly natural.

What would happen if gay non-monogamy—and I’ll include writer Dan Savage’s “monogamish” model, which involves extramarital sex once a year or so—actually starts to spread to straight people? Would open marriages, ’70s swinger parties, and perhaps even another era’s “arrangements” and “understandings” become more prevalent? Is non-monogamy one of the things same-sex marriage can teach straight ones, along with egalitarian chores and matching towel sets?

This comment made me smile. He makes it sound like cheating is contagious. Once again, this guy is only going by what he’s read in a few hooded studies and he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about. This WTF concept that gay marriage is any less monogamous than straight marriage simply is not a fact…at least not for the most part; just like straight marriage.

The mainstream LGBT movement, meanwhile, still insists that neither of these futures will come to pass. Don’t worry, they say, we’re not out to smash anything. 

Who’s right?  Only time will tell.

If this guy knew anything about gay marriage from personal experience he would know that the fight for legalized same sex marriage has nothing to do with smashing or changing the concept of marriage. Straight married couples have been doing that for many years and gays had nothing to do with it. But even more important is the fact (and it is a fact because I’m living proof) that gay couples like Tony and me, and the hundreds of others I know, have been living “like” straight married people for many years without getting a hint of recognition. As far as I know, there were no studies done. In other words, we didn’t need marriage to keep us together or to keep us monogamous. I don’t know how to make that clearer. We’ve been doing THAT forever. We needed legal marriage to make us equal (and legal) in a variety of ways…and because it’s just the right thing to do.

The thing I find most interesting is that so many people who don’t understand gay marriage just don’t get that for most of us the marriage certificate didn’t change much for us because we’ve been “married” all this time without the legal rights and no one was paying attention to us.

You can read more here. Sorry if I ranted a little too much. But when I read this kind of academic-ish WTF-ery I just can’t help saying something. And my comments come from experience, not books, surveys or studies.

Marriage is changing, and has been changing for the last 100 years in many ways. Gay marriage is part of that evolution, but not the most significant part by any means.

Mark Ruffalo’s Gay Friend

When I posted my review of the film adaptation of The Normal Heart recently, I mentioned that I thought Mark Ruffalo basically commanded that cast with his portrayal of a passionate gay man fighting for equality. I haven’t always felt that way about straight actors playing gayface. I’ve been disappointed with actors like Matt Damon who made ridiculous comments after they played gayface, and I’m getting a little sick of Seth Rogen camping it up in drag. But Mark Ruffalo, once again, has made a few excellent comments about his first gay friend in high school, and how difficult is was for that gay friend to come out to Ruffalo.

The Normal Heart’s Mark Ruffalo remembers his best friend in high school being so agitated and upset for weeks because he had something difficult to tell him.

Ruffalo wondered if he had killed somebody.

He hadn’t. It turns out he was gay.

 ‘I was 17 years old and my best friend came out to me with basically a declaration of love attached to it,’ Ruffalo tells Queerty. ‘I had to look into myself and ask myself “How do you feel about that and how does that sit with your values of equality?”‘

It’s a great piece, and it’s short. It turns out that Mark Ruffalo is just as eloquent off screen as he is on. Matt Damon could take a few tips from him. And so far I haven’t seen or heard one dumb interview about what it was like for a straight man to kiss a gay man.

More here.

Chase of a Lifetime Series by Ryan Field

I just released another book in the Chase series titled, Chase of a Holy Ghost, which is now the fourth book in the series. I like to post about these things for future reference, and also for anyone who might be interesting in checking out the books in the order they were published.

Even though each book is a stand alone and can be read separately (I don’t like cliffhangers) many readers tell me they prefer to start from book number one and work their way through a series in order of publication dates. (I actually like to read books in a series at random, not in order of publication, because I enjoy reading the back story later sometimes.) I’m adding the Amazon links because I usually assume that’s where most readers shop, but the books are being sold in many other places like allromanceebooks.com and Smashwords.com.