Gender Politics In Gay Romance

The topic of gender politics in gay romance came up once again this week and it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. It usually goes this way: a woman writing gay romance will claim there is no gender politics in gay romance, and then another woman who reads gay romance will argue that there is gender politics in gay romance…and she has the research to prove it.

I’m not linking to anything. I don’t have to. This is my personal opinion, as an openly gay man who has been married for 23 years…legally not even two…but you get my point. I’m not talking about inconclusive studies, text books, or research.

There is some gender politics in any gay relationship, but not as much as there is with straight couples. And here’s why. Gay men are men, not women. They think like men, they process like men, and they react like men. I’m not sure that makes writing gay romance any easier. In fact, in some cases I think it’s harder because a good deal of the conflict that exists between straight women and straight men is not there with gay couples. However, all you have to know is that there is far less gender politics in a gay marriage than there is in a straight marriage.

I’m sure there are extremes where the gender politics in some gay relationships/marriages is more evident. But it hasn’t been like that for me or for the hundreds of other gay couples I know.

Now, if you’re writing gay fiction and you’re creating characters that are larger than life, I do think adding some gender politics to a storyline not only creates more conflict, but also a little humor and excitement.

Bottom line: if you are a woman writing gay fiction and you read something online from a nasty blogger who thinks she knows it all about gender politics and gay relationships, don’t pay that much attention to it. The odds are she’s getting her research from limited sources. And those sources are limited because most gay men in relationships like me haven’t even begun to speak up yet.

Channing Tatum Split His Pants

Channing Tatum has been making headlines for joining Matt Bomer at LA Pride in WeHo, on a float. It’s a big deal…and it really is…because Tatum is straight and Bomer is openly gay, married, and has kids. You wouldn’t have seen this happen twenty years ago.

When I see gay public figures out there like Bomer, and straight public figures supporting them openly, I find that remarkable and I hope younger gay people don’t take this all for granted.

In any event,

Reports also claim that Tatum split his pants open during the event — we’d love to hear from people who were up front for that action.

Speaking to ET, Tatum said: “Sincerely, I only judge people on the way they are in their heart and that’s all.”

I find it amazing there are so many other straight public figures like Tatum who do support gay men this way without a hint of awkwardness. Trevor Donovan is another straight male actor who always makes supportive comments and never backs away from supporting gay issues.

You can check out the rest here, with photos of Tatum and Matt Bomer. I have to admit LA Pride is one event I would love to attend next year.

New York Gay Bar Closes

Here’s another one. A gay bar on the Upper West Side of Manhattan that’s been there for 50 years is now closing its doors. The trend continues.

It’s the end of an era. On June 22, the Upper West Side’s Candle Bar will be serving its very last vodka cran. The roomy dive, located on Amsterdam Avenue near the corner of West 75th Street, is a popular destination for legions of locals, many of whom are older gay men who’ve been haunting the spot since it opened in the mid-1960s. The regulars are “family to each other,” says manager Amonte Demarko, 37. “It’s like a gay Cheers. Where will they go?”

This seems to be almost expected now, and like brick and mortar bookshops closing we can blame some of it on the Internet. But not all.   

The rest is here. 

Rapper Mykki Blanco on HIV

Transgender rapper, Mykki Blanco, has opened up about his HIV status.

I’ve been HIV-positive since 2011, my entire career. Fuck stigma and hiding in the dark, this is my real life. I’m healthy I’ve toured the world 3 times but I’ve been living in the dark, it’s time to actually be as punk as I say I am.”

You can see that here.

This was a huge thing for Blanco to do. Huge. I know gay men who’ve been HIV positive for years and they won’t even discuss it intimately. I hope more start to open up about it. This is the only way we’ll get rid of the stigma.