I found a web site the other day where you can create your own comic book covers and I decided to parody a review I once received for a book I wrote that talked about a burping penis. Of course this was at least four years ago and it’s long been forgotten, however, I still see it mentioned every now and then in far off remote places on the Interwebs. The review itself wasn’t the most flattering I’ve ever received, but certainly not the worst either. I’d written a parody of the TV show American Idol (American Star) and I’d made an off-handed reference to the size of a penis and how it was so large the mc could have thrown it over his shoulder and burped it. So it really wasn’t even a burping penis, but we all know how that goes.
I’ve always thought that review was significant to one thing in particular. And that’s the difference between the way some gay men and some straight women think. (Not all; just some.) I have never read a book reviewed well on that site that I would find entertaining, especially any book with gay content. Sometimes I’ve found books reviewed poorly that I’ve loved. In fact, when I really can’t figure out what to read next I often go there and look for bad reviews just to find something I’ll love. It never fails.
Oddly, I have many good women friends in my real life, both gay and straight. And many good women friends online, too. One of my characters once made a snide nasty comment about women and when my editor said I should remove it because it sounded sexist I listened. I didn’t want my women readers to get insulted, even if it was the character’s personality (he was a sexist shit). So I really do care about things like this when I’m writing and the last thing I want to do is insult women.
Don’t me wrong. I’m not complaining about the review four years later either. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard myself when I read it. In a way it was actually a parody review of a parody. Unfortunately I don’t think that was on purpose because I don’t think the reviewer knew that some gay men tend to have a vicious wit sometimes and often parody penis sizes and other things they find funny…in a harmless way. I think she tends to think of us as these politically correct types on TV shows like Modern Family. In any event, it was an amusing, innocent review and you can’t fault some straight people for not understanding gay people. They don’t always get all the information they should be getting. It’s our job to educate them.
In any event, here’s a link to the web site where I came up with the comic book cover. You’ve been forewarned. You might wind up there for a few hours.
Rob James-Collier Gay Kiss
For those who don’t know, Rob James-Collier is the actor who plays Thomas in Downtown Abbey. Thomas is gay, and not sure how to survive in the post-Edwardian era. He’s also extremely aggressive, extremely attractive, and extremely horny all the time. And there was one scene in season three where he sneaks into the bedroom of a new servant…an adorable young man…and kisses him while he’s sleeping.
Keep in mind this didn’t just happen on the spur of the moment. Thomas was lead to believe that the new young servant was highly attracted to him, and Thomas has been attracted to him for a long time. But even knowing this, and knowing how a gay man would have been so careful to protect his sexuality in those days, I found it hard to believe that scene would ever have happened in real life. But it did make for entertaining fiction, and what young gay man on earth wouldn’t want handsome aggressive Thomas sneaking into his bedroom in the middle of the night to steal a kiss. Pure fantasy and escapism. Plus, Rob James-Collier is NOT the kind of man you’d kick out of bed either.
The scene almost reminded me of that gay adult entertainment site, “Gay Creeps,” where good looking gay guys sneak up on other guys while they are sleeping and do very naughty things to them. Once again, pure parody. I can only imagine how the reviewer I mentioned above would react to a web site like this. Why I’m sure she’d pull her pencil skirt down below her knees, then shudder and cross her legs (this is vicious gay wit).
As far as I know, Rob James-Collier is straight, but he’s also a damn good sport:
Downton Abbey star Rob James-Collier has revealed that kissing his co-star Ed Speleers in the scene where his character Thomas got caught stealing into Jimmy’s room and planting a kiss on the sleeping servant, was a pleasure to play.
“That guy Ed Speleers (who plays Jimmy) has got really soft lips,” he joked.
“If you’re going to kiss a man, let it be a beautiful man like Ed Speleers. I’m not going to demand a beautiful guy. I’d kiss ugly guys as well, but if they’re good looking… it’s a bonus.”
Well done, sir!
Excerpt From New Bad Boy Billionaire Book
I’ve hit the midway point in the latest book of the Bad Boy Billionaire series I’ve been writing this year. Right now it’s tentatively titled: The Silicon Valley Rake. But that will change. This book is set in Cupertino, the main character is a billionaire who started a web site called “Lovemetender.com,” and he’s probably the worst bad boy I’ve done so far.
I’m actually having trouble liking him myself at this point in the book. For one thing, he owns this web site where he will never allow sockpuppets or fakes, and yet he has his own fake accounts on the web site. He lies to other men, he throws tempter tantrums when things don’t go his way, and he basically has no regard for anyone but himself. And I’m going to have to find a way to soften him. And I think that I’ll wind up doing that by showing that he’s playing a dangerous game and all the money in the world isn’t going to protect him.
The one thing I did differently in this book than I’ve ever done before is to make him extremely comfortable with women. In a way, this shows his softer side. I found that while writing his character, and showing how competitive he is with other men, he needed a balance. So I made him extremely comfortable with women. The only character in the book he likes so far is a woman. And I tried hard to do this without making it a stereotypical gay man straight woman relationship. Notice how I don’t use the FH word for women who are friendly with a gay man. THAT word is one I don’t like at all. I think I hate it even more than I hate being referred to as queer.
Here’s a brief excerpt, in its raw form, without editing: