Unhung Hero: Film Review

I don’t usually write film reviews here, but this one is different because of the topic. As the title suggests, Unhung Hero is a documentary…self-proclaimed as a cockumentary…directed by Brian Spitz, starring Patrick Moot, that discusses men who are not well-endowed. The title is parody. But the film itself documents a young man’s quest for answers after he proposes marriage in a public arena in front of thousands of people and the young woman turns him down because his penis is too small.

What I didn’t know when I watched this film is that Patrick Moote is a comedian. I’d never heard of him before the movie, and I think that’s important to take into consideration ahead of time. Had I known this I would have viewed the film with a different perspective. But to be perfectly honest being that I didn’t know this I found myself wondering if this was supposed to be serious or not at the time that I viewed it. I now think it’s a combination of both, and Moote used humor in some scenes on purpose.

In fact, had I known Moote was a comedian I would have understood the whole cheesy proposal of marriage in a public arena in front of thousands of people very differently. I’ve always wondered about people who do things like that, and the chance they are taking by assuming the person they are proposing to is going to say yes. It’s very presumptuous at best, egotistical at the worst. But then anyone who does propose marriage this way is clearly looking to get attention and they enjoy grandstanding in public. In other words, they aren’t shy people and they are going for the applause. Most people view marriage proposals as something private and intimate and romantic, and something that shouldn’t be shared with the entire world at large, at least not until after the proposal. But now that I know Moote is a comedian I see the sarcastic humor in the public proposal much better than I did when I first viewed the film, and Moote doesn’t come off looking like such a colossal pompous ass.

After she turns him down and he finds out it’s because she thinks his penis is too small, Moote begins his quest to find out how women feel about penis size, and how he can improve the size of his penis. Moote happens to be a good-looking man by most standards. At least I think so. And I found myself feeling bad for him throughout the film because he has all these wonderful assets and all he’s focused on is the size of his penis. I write naughty romance novels where men often have exaggerated penises, but that’s only fantasy and I don’t think most people take penis size all that seriously in real life. I know I never did. Before I met Tony I dated a male model who was not very well-endowed. I loved every moment we spent together and if he hadn’t been moving across country in a few months when we first met who knows what might have happened. I also dated a guy who was so well-hung it was difficult not to gape at him sometimes. I didn’t have nearly as much fun with him, and I found out that the reason he never took off his socks was because he painted his toenails tipsy pink and was a closeted transgender at the time. Last I heard, the guy with the big one is now a teacher and a woman. And the guy I dated with the small one is a highly successful real estate agent on the West Coast and he’s still all man.

And once again, had I known Moote was a comedian I would have interpreted the film a little differently…more tongue in cheek, pardon that awful pun, at times. But without knowing this I just kept feeling sorry for this poor, sweet nice looking guy who gets constantly slammed for having a little penis. He even goes home to discuss this with his mom and dad, and you wind up feeling so sorry for him you just want to take him aside, show him some good sex for a change, and let him know there’s nothing wrong with him.

He tries penis pumps, penis enlargement vitamins, and he even does this highly erotic penis stretching technique at one point in the film where he stretches himself over and over. That’s where you really feel bad for him and wish you could just jump into the TV, tell him to close his eyes, and relax. He’s ultimately so freaked about his little one he travels to foreign countries where they practice some kind of spiritual ritual that’s supposed to make men like him bigger.

I will admit there is one shortcoming in the film, and it’s not Moote’s penis. And I post about this all the time here on the blog, and how it’s become such a double standard. I’m talking about male full frontal nudity in all films, or lack of it. Because each time you think Moote is going to show you his penis he backs off. And with a nice-looking guy like Moote, and a film title like Unhung Hero, I think viewers should at least get a decent detailed view of what everyone in the film is talking about. I’m not saying we need close-ups. But it would have been interesting to see at least one in-depth shot of Moote walking around without his pants. I don’t think that would have been in poor taste. But like almost all films (even those with full frontal nudity scenes that just flash), this one leaves the viewer to his or her own imagination.

Aside from that, it’s the kind of film that makes you think and wonder after you’ve seen it. The penis enlargement industry isn’t going broke and you have to wonder why men like Moote are so obsessed with their size. And when you think about how many other men there are like Moote you come to the conclusion that it’s high time someone finally started talking about this issue openly. And it’s done with humor in a tasteful way, and it’s compassionate. There’s nothing obscene or dirty about it. But in the same respect, it’s not too clinical either. We get to know Moote as a man, we don’t care about his size, and he comes off looking even more adorable in the end.