Category: Being a Better Bottom

Cosmo Bad BDSM Tips; Be a Better Bottom; Top & Bottom Label; Small Town Romance Writer by Ryan Field

Cosmo Bad BDSM Tips

One thing I find interesting about this online post at Jezebel is that while it slams Cosmo’s bad BDSM tips it mentions nothing about the bad BDSM in the Fifty Shades of Grey novel by E. L. James. This leads me to believe the author of the Jezebel post knows little about FSoG, the novel, or that one of the biggest complaints from critics was that FSoG didn’t portray BDSM in a way that most who are serious about the lifestyle found plausible. I’ve posted about all this before, here, multiple times with the book I was in, Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey.  

But in spite of all this, the post does redeem itself by calling attention to this stupid Cosmo article about BDSM:

But I’ve got to tell you: Cosmo’s BDSM tips make Fifty Shades of Grey look like The Story of O.

The post is actually amusing, especially this one. First is the Cosmo tip…

7. “As you’re riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers, and pull on them to rock yourself forward and backward.”

Pro-tip: if you’re new to this game, stick with the sturdy body parts — like butts and chests — and be a little more delicate if you’re going for the ears, eyes, or testicles. That stuff’s not off-limits (in theory), but given that you may already be holding a fork in this scenario, it seems wise to err on the side of caution.
You can read the rest here. I think posts like this prove several things. Few people really understand the BDSM lifestyle and really don’t care to learn more about it. And, Cosmo might be one reason why the magazine publishing is a dying industry.
 Be a Better Bottom
Who can really say what makes a person a better bottom? But this article I’m linking to now doesn’t give bad advice by any means. It comes from first hand experience, and it’s well presented.
This one piece of advice seems to be something on which all good bottoms agree:
Basically douching is the process of cleaning out your insides. Usually it involves some kind of variation on a squirt bottle or hose inserted in to the anus.
I’ve heard turkey basters work, too, if you’re in a pinch. Just DON’T put it back in the kitchen when you’re finished.
This info about position can be helpful:
Starting by sitting on top of him is a good way to begin if you are having trouble relaxing or experiencing pain. If you are on top you can control the angle and depth until you have loosened up enough to change positions.
Doing all “this” can be intimidating sometimes, especially if you’re not experienced. And articles like this one help ease a lot of the anxiety.
Top & Bottom Label
This next link seems to suggest that gay dating has evolved into two distinct categories. It’s frank, it’s accurate, and it goes beyond a lot of the PC nonsense we read out there about the dynamics in gay relationships. There are, indeed, a few fundamental aspects that just can’t be ignored when two gay men get together…at least in a physical sense.  
“I’ll be online,” says Jason, 33, a financial consultant, “chatting with some guy, we’ll be getting along really well, and then I’ll say I’m a bottom and he’ll say, ‘Me too. Okay. Good-bye,’ and sign off.”
Frankly, from what I do recall about dating, this type of reaction happened ten, twenty, or forty years ago as much as it continues to happen today. In spite of what you might read in other places, it’s hard to get two bottoms to take the next step because both know it’s going to be futile in the end. I think it’s just important to be honest about it in the beginning, because it’s not always easy to tell at a glance.  
I’ve heard this before, too.
Though many men despise being labeled, offering up their versatility as a selling point, like a six-figure income or well-defined lats, others say a versatile’s just a bottom in denial. “New York is a bottom town,” says Jason. “When you’re on and the profile says ‘versatile,’ you know that guy’s a bottom. It means he will top but doesn’t like to. I’m a bottom, and my profile says versatile.”
You can read the rest here. I think the subject and content is timeless.
Small Town Romance Writer
by Ryan Field