Category: bad gay stereotypes

Steve Grand and Hillary Selfie; When a Gay Man Gets Rejected; Blackmailing a "Married" Man on Grindr

Steve Grand and Hillary Selfie

This isn’t about a selfie with Steve Grand and Hillary, although why that didn’t happen I’m not sure.

Grand tweeted about an event in the Hamptons this past weekend that he attended where he sat very close to Secretary Clinton and it looks like SHE took the selfie of Grand and his buddies. From the way it looks, Secretary Clinton didn’t actually get into the photo.

From Grand’s Instagram account:

StevegrandmusicPhotoCredit: Hillary Clinton. We has a nice chat about my State Department Trip to Europe, LGBTQ rights, and Russia at a small dinner party in the Hamptons (she sat 3 seats away from me at the oppostie side of the table :D!!) I shook Bill Clinton’s hand and hugged Paul McCartney. Then we all danced. First night outhere a success. 

Well, it doesn’t get much better than that…Hillary taking a selfie of YOU instead of you taking a selfie with Hillary. And in the Hamptons, too. I love the Hamptons. My brother in NY had a home in East Hampton and Tony and I used to go out. It’s actually really nice in the winter, especially in February. I’ve always thought of it as a nice alternative to Fire Island. 

You can check this out in instagram at Steve Grand’s account. 

And here’s more about the Clintons and the 100K they spent renting a home in East Hampton. 

I’m not sure where Bernie Sanders will be vacationing this summer…or how much he spent.

When a Gay Man Gets Rejected

What really happens when a gay man gets rejected? Because they obviously think it’s so different from when straight people get rejected. Here’s something that was put together by some comedian I never heard of.

Everyone handles rejection differently. Some people simply shrug it off and move on. Others may resort to more self-destructive behavior, like drinking or gambling or some other form of high-risk behavior. Then there are those who lock themselves in their apartments and wallow in their pain until their egos have recovered.

There’s a video with painfully forced, amateur dialogue about exchanging instagram accounts, when two bottoms (Oh yeah, they’re both bottoms) meet in the lobby of some typical cliche of an apartment building. Be prepared. When one says to the other “Oh, you’re straight,” in gay twink valley voice, you don’t want to be drinking anything. You could ruin your keyboard.

You can check it out here. As usual the comments are even more entertaining than the actual piece itself. Some of the comments do, however, actually show how hard rejection really is for some guys. And that’s nothing to laugh about.

Blackmailing a “Married” Man On Grindr

It’s happened again, and on Grindr. AND, with a “married” man. Another dangerous scam with a “married” man.

It’s interesting how we all just assume that because the headline reads “married” man he’s having gay sex and he’s “married” to a woman. I guess that’s going to take a little time to figure out. 

In any event…

In a Swindon Crown Court last week, 29-year-old Daniel Edwards and 30-year-old Kristofer Wagner admitted to the charge. According to court documents, Edwards exchanged photos and messages with the victim before asking if he was married. When he told him that he was, Edwards then threatened to forward their conversation and his pictures to his wife.

You can read more about it here. 

The Rainbow Detective Agency Book 6

The Scottish Duke

"Glee" Changed Public Opinions; Benham Brothers Again; Gay Flag Burns

“Glee” Changed Public Opinions

Here’s a link to an article about how Ryan Murphy thinks Glee changed public opinions. I think it’s an article many of us can relate to…but only to a certain extent.

I have been told that seven years ago, before Glee and Modern Family and Transparent and Orange Is the New Black, that only 18 percent of Americans believed that a gay or nontraditional family was entitled to equal rights. Today, that number has grown to 52 percent. That is a great change, that is a great victory, shockingly in such a short amount of time, but there is more work to be done.

You can read more here.

I’ve been critical of Glee at times and a few of the other TV shows above because I found them to be self-indulgent. But more than that, they don’t always represent all LGBT people…especially those gay men who are still closeted, still without a voice, still facing discrimination, and still living with shame. A good deal of this shame comes from the stereotypes about gay men that make it harder for everyone. But in a general sense I do think Glee did help change public opinion and did help educate the mainstream in a positive way. 

I can tell you one thing for certain. I personally face insults, homophobia, and discrimination every day of my life and we have a long way to go.

Benham Brothers Again

I once posted about these two Benham brothers when they had their HGTV show yanked because their homophobic beliefs surfaced and went public.  Since then they claim gays have been waging war against Christians…allegedly. It’s hard to parse this article because it’s written in such a highly subjective way.

“We had so many people from the gay community reaching out to us and one man in particular from the city of Chicago reached out,” David Benham said during a panel discussion last week. “After a little conversation back and forth, I found out he loved baseball … and I got him tickets to a Cubs game. He shot me a Facebook post and said, ‘I was not expecting that — and I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’ve chosen to walk away from my lifestyle.’”

So much about this doesn’t make sense. First, it’s kind of sad to think a straight man would be shocked to find out a gay man loves baseball. Maybe the comment about walking away from his lifestyle was sarcasm…because gay isn’t a lifestyle.

But this is what I mean about how far we still have to go. I’m not only insulted by the Benham brothers, but by the gay person who wrote about all this. We also need to focus a little more on finding a few more professional gay journalists and not these self-indulgent cliches.

You can read more here.

Gay Flag Burns

This story is disturbing, because it shows how innocent gay people can be subjected to hate and discrimination when they least expect it. A straight guy got drunk and set their rainbow flag afire.

It was just after midnight when Ariann and Jess were woken up by some commotion; they initially thought they were being burglarized. Jess ran to check on their two girls, and Ariann made it to a window just in time to see Mayfield’s van drive off.

Already shaken, the couple heard more noise shortly thereafter, and when they looked out the window, saw Mayfield running down the street, the flag’s flames aglow in the night.

The guy who did this claims he was so drunk he didn’t know what he was doing and the gay flag wasn’t something he targeted in particular. But even if that is true, tell me what gay person in the world would NOT be scared to death watching something like that happen outside their home?

You can read the rest here. 

Meadows Are Not Forever

Seven Football Players Sex Assault; Matthew Shepard’s Parents; 10 Types of Obnoxious Gay Men

Seven Football Players Sex Assault

Part of the reason this is so odd to me is that it happened with high school football players, where you typically hear about these things happening in colleges. I mean isn’t high school young for this? It happened not far from here, too, in Sayerville, New Jersey. Seven high school age football players have been charged with alleged sexual assault in a locker room as part of some kind of hazing ritual. 

The police received an anonymous tip and here are a few details.

As we reported yesterday, Superintendent of schools Dr. Richard Labbe had cancelled the remainder of this year’s football season in light of allegations of sexual misconduct in the boy’s locker room. According to an anonymous tipster, ritual hazing included upperclassmen shoving their fingers in the rectums of underclassmen, and then into their mouths.
After the discovery of “credible and substantial evidence” to support the claims, the AP reports six of the boys were arrested and charged with “aggravated sexual assault, criminal restraint, hazing and other crimes for an act of sexual penetration.” The seventh boy charged is still being sought.

You can read the rest here.

Matthew Shepard’s Parents

Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard. He fell victim to a highly publicized gay bashing incident that changed the world and how we view hate crimes. He was beaten, tortured, left to die, and found tied to a fence. He died days later, his two attackers were prosecuted, and they both received two life sentences. His parents have been working hard to fight homophobia since his death, with the Matthew Shepard foundation, and they recently spoke about what they’ve been doing.

It’s interesting to read what they have to say now, and to read about their views on not wanting their son’s killers to get the death penalty.

 ‘Judy convinced me otherwise,’ says Dennis. ‘And she was right. If you put them in prison, where no-one remembers them, they’re not on death row where they can go through the appeals and possibly get out on [a] technicality, they don’t become martyrs for something horrendous like that, to encourage others… plus we didn’t have to worry about our other son having to go through the turmoil of them possibly getting out on parole.’ 

‘Court appearance after court appearance for mandatory appeals…’ adds Judy. ‘I just wanted it to be over. I don’t want to ever see them again. And this is how we did that.’

You can read the entire piece in full here.  

10 Types of Obnoxious Gay Men

Before I begin this, don’t shoot the messenger. I didn’t come up with this nonsense. Someone else did. I’m not fond of articles like this and I’ll comment a little, but I’ll keep it short. Here are ten different types of obnoxious gay men…not according to me.

10. Unnecessarily Bitchy Twinks
You see them in the clubs, usually huddled together in groups of three or four, dressed in skinny jeans and no shirt, showing off their svelte, boyish frames while sipping fruity beverages and surveying the the other club goers with discerning looks of insecurity superiority. Yes, they want to be noticed. But don’t you dare talk to them. If you do, you’ll only be met with dramatic eye rolls and lots of attitude.

8. “No Blks Or Azns” Gays
We’re not trying to police who a person should be attracted to, because everyone has his own particular types and preferences. However, when you make a point of listing the specific races and/or ethnicities of men who you don’t like on your Grindr profile, it makes you seem, well, kinda racist, not to mention closed-minded. As the old saying goes: Don’t knock it ’till you try it.

3. Narcissistic, Self-Obsessed, Selfie-Taking Gays
You’ve seen them at the gym taking a break between reps to casually pose for a photo in the mirror. You’ve seen them on Facebook sharing pictures of themselves laying out by the pool or sipping wine at a Napa vineyard. And you’ve seen them at the gay bar snapping not one, not two, but ten versions of the same photograph, trying to get the angle just right so that the pic looks flattering while at the same time spontaneous and fun. They are narcissistic, self-obsessed, selfie-taking gays. And they have no shame.

If anything, I think the author of this article is the most obnoxious gay man I’ve read in a long time…the critical, judgmental, snarky, know-it-all who thinks the world revolves around his political beliefs and social opinions.

You can read the rest here. The other examples don’t get much better than the examples I gave above.

Chase of a Lifetime

By Ryan Field

.99 Gay E-book

Cowboy Mike and Buddy Boy

by Ryan Field
.99 Gay E-book

Breaking Gay Stereotypes…

While I was reading a blog authored by a straight guy I know, I saw him dealing with a lot of the same stereotypes gay guys have to deal with all the time. In his case, he’s getting it in reverse because he’s neat, has a well decorated home, and is extremely articulate in everything he does.

And that’s the kind of thing we all need to work on a little more…breaking those stereotypes. I found an interesting blog, here, that says this in the title:

A group of LGBTS bloggers share their ideas, opinions, and stories to help increase understanding about Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Straight people and issues.

I haven’t had time to check it all out, but I will admit this is the first time I’ve ever seen LGBTS. I’ve mentioned more than once how I feel about LGBTQ, and how I’m not embracing the “Q” part because I find the “Q” word highly offensive. But the “S” part…for straight…I find very interesting.

It seems like a lot of people get hung up on stereotypes.
For instance, gays are known for being crazy sex fiends who get std’s out the wazoo. Gay people even seem to think this is how things are or how they are perceived. And then as if to prove something some gays feel like they have to act like the most pious Christians out there. Gay Mormons feel like they have to show they’re being celibate and following all the rules in order to prove that gays aren’t bad. Others feel they have to prove that gays can have families and build lasting relationships just to show that gays aren’t bad. In some ways this sickens me, but at the same time I’m going to give you my proof.

From what I can tell, it looks like a well written blog and there are some interesting concepts that seem to be geared around breaking the stereotypes and bringing the gay community closer to the straight community. I will post more about it when I find out more.

This Hurts My Heart: TV Show "Girls"…Gay Guy Smacking the Woman Upside Her Head

I’m going to start a regular feature on the blog titled, “This Hurts My Heart.” Sometimes it will be parody, other times it will be real. In this post, I guess it’s a combination of both.

First, I’d like to state that I’m against any form of violence across the board. I find all violence deplorable.

With that said, there’s a new TV show out called, “Girls.” It’s an HBO original series and I would consider it a current version of “Sex in the City,” with new adult characters. There were a lot of things about SITC I didn’t like, especially the way gay men were treated like pet poodles. I can’t say this about “Girls.” I like most of what I see…but they still can’t seem to get it right with the gay guys.

The show airs on Sunday night. I DVR and watch during the week. So I finally found time late last night to catch the most recent episode. The plot of this particular episode revolved around the three girlfriends going to a party in Brooklyn (I’m not invested enough yet to know their names). At one point, one of the girls runs into a guy she knows and they wind up outside on some kind of a bridge or crosswalk between two buildings. At the end of their conversation, the girl picks up an empty bottle and tosses it over the rail.

Of course the girl thinks they are alone. But the bottle lands on a group of rough guys from Brooklyn who are standing below the crosswalk. This is the interesting part. The nice straight guy who is up on the crosswalk with the girl who dropped the bottle apologizes and tries to be nice about it. But the girl offers no apology whatsoever. In fact, she’s insulting, she’s obnoxious, and she basically laughs in their faces. Which only pisses the rough guys from Brooklyn off even more.

A few scenes later, the rough guys from Brooklyn catch up with the nice straight guy and snarky girl who were up on the crosswalk, at the party. This is even more interesting. Instead of doing or saying anything to the girl who caused all the trouble, the rough guys from Brooklyn go after the straight guy she was with…the same guy who apologized to them. He gets the shit kicked out of him, while she stands there watching and she caused all the trouble.

I’ll leave it at that, without comment.

Moving on to another scene that happens later, I see another one of the “girls” having a conversation with a gay guy she went to college with. She runs into him at the party and starts to unload a pile of emotional garbage on him and he’s not interested in listening to her. When he tells her this, she attacks him with some very offensive comments. One comment the girl makes is so offensive the gay guy looses control. He lifts his arm, smacks her upside the head, and does it without a hint of remorse. I haven’t seen anything like THIS since “Dynasty.”

Aside from the fact that I’m against violence, I found it interesting that the straight rough guys from Brooklyn would never hit a woman…not even if she deserved at least a good kick in the ass for dropping a bottle on their heads and laughing at them. And yet somehow it’s okay for the gay guy to smack a woman in the face for making a nasty comment about the way he speaks. There’s something wrong with this picture on more than one level.

In one respect, I do think the writers of the show broke the double standard when it comes to violence in a general sense, and I think that’s what they were trying to do. I’m thinking they were making a social comment in general. It’s okay to hit a straight man, nothing wrong with that, even if he didn’t do anything. But don’t dare let a straight man hit a woman, even if she’s wrong. Of course all violence is wrong, but you get the picture.

In another respect, they got it all wrong with the gay guy by using him as an example. They diminished gay men in a very clever way that most people might not notice. By allowing him to smack the woman in the face they made him less masculine than the rough guys from Brooklyn and promoted the age old stereotype that the gay man is one of the girls. But more than that, they turned the gay guy into a bad stereotype of a woman, which made it twice as offensive to both women and gay men.

Oh, it’s entertaining. Let that prissy gay guy smack the dumb bitch. People will love it and we’ll get higher ratings. But this sort of thing diminishes women, gay men, and makes straight men look like cave men. I do know…and understand…that on certain levels things like this can and do happen in real life. There are gay men who would smack women and it wouldn’t be considered abusive in the same way it would if a straight man smacked a woman. But that doesn’t really make it any less offensive (or abusive) to the gay men who wouldn’t do something like this…to anyone.

The basic moral of this post is that all violence is wrong. But the gist of the post is that it’s just as wrong to turn gay men into bad stereotypes in order to make a point, and I’m getting tired of it. That scene where the gay guy smacked the woman in the face could have been written differently and they still could have made their point without insulting both gay men and women. Or for that matter, the previous scene with the straight rough guys from Brooklyn could have been handled much better. Instead of kicking the shit out of the straight guy who did nothing to deserve it, they could have poured a couple of bottles of beer over the straight girl’s head and it would have been even funnier, and without physical violence. And all the straight guys watching the show would have enjoyed that scene a lot more than what actually did happen.