Category: Anal Sex

Elton John’s Anger For David Bowie; Gay Men and Fat Shaming; How To Sodomize Overweight Gay Men

Elton John’s Anger For David Bowie

Here’s a quote from Elton John that’s about his not so friendly relationship with David Bowie.

David and I were not the best of friends towards the end. We started out being really good friends. We used to hang out together with Marc Bolan, going to gay clubs, but I think we just drifted apart. He once called me ‘rock ’n’ roll’s token queen’ in an interview with Rolling Stone, which I thought was a bit snooty. I wasn’t his cup of tea. But the dignified way he handled his death, I mean, thank God. I knew he’d had a heart attack on stage in Berlin years ago, but not about the cancer. Everyone else take note of this: Bowie couldn’t have staged a better death. It was classy.”

I think it’s an honest comment, in good taste. You can’t like everyone. There are gay male authors who don’t like me, and when I see them sometimes on social media my gag reflex kicks in. It’s life. It’s normal. Again, you can’t like everyone and you can’t expect to be liked by everyone.

You can check this out here. 

Gay Men and Fat Shaming

I hate shaming of any kind. I don’t care if it’s fat shaming or any other kind of looks shaming. I never did like it and I was raised to believe it was wrong even before the PC crowd found it to be a profitable topic on which they can make money…or get attention.

With that said, here’s an article about fat shaming within the gay community.

“Big gay men have an added exclusion,” contends Jason Whitesel, author of Fat Gay Men: Girth, Mirth, and the Politics of Stigma. “There is the exclusion that all gay people experience; then there is within-group prejudice big gay men experience because of their size.”

You can read the rest here. Once again, my problem with articles like this is they seem to be including the entire gay male community and that’s really out of line. I never fat shamed anyone and I know a lot of other gay men who never did that either. So he lost me there. The subject is relevant, but the execution really sucks and we really need to be aware of the fact that the gay community is very diverse.

How To Sodomize Overweight Gay Men 

This article is actually linked to the article I just posted about above, so I decided to add my own link and a few comments. Evidently, there are some people at some university who believe we need to know how to sodomize overweight gay men. At least that’s the impression they are giving.

And they can’t understand why “conservatives” don’t find this a topic of interest.

The event is scheduled for January 20 and is being hosted by the UCSB Resource Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity. It will feature Dr. Jason Whitesel, whose book Fat, Gay Men: Mirth, Girth, and the Politics of Stigma explores the impact of fat-shaming the gay community.

When UCSB student and blossoming antigay activist Carlos Flores got wind of the event, he immediately alerted conservative blogs in an email subjected: “Another day, another degenerate email from the UCSB LGBT Center.”

It’s definitely not something I would ever attend based on the way it’s being promoted. Not to mention the fact that if you need that much information on how to sodomize anyone, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. Learn how to knit instead.

You can check this out here. 

The comments are honest and I agree with most of them. And I should add that one person points out that this event is more about fat shaming in general than sodomizing, however, why would they need such a sensational, ridiculous title for the event if that’s the case?  If it is about fat shaming, which is a serious topic, why make it about sodomy?

A Gay Erotic Parody

The Way We Almost Were


Pinkstart Crowdfunding; Called His Neighbors Faggots; Straight Guys Into Anal Stimulation; Jamie Foxx’s Transphobic Jokes

Pinkstart Crowdfunding

Here’s a new web site that another author showed me that’s crowdfunding geared specifically for the LGBT community. I don’t know much about it, and I’ve never done crowdfunding myself, but I guess this is the same principle as and

If you have an awesome idea for a creative project and you need the funds, this is your place. Start creating a campaign!

Starting a campaign on Pinkstart is easy, and free.

It’s an easy site to navigate and some of the projects look interesting. I’ll be posting more about it as I see projects coming through with LGBT artists I know.

Here the link where you can check it out yourselves.  

Called His Neighbors Faggots

A prison guard who allegedly called his neighbors faggots and expressed he wanted them executed on social media has been suspended. 

Richard ‘Rick’ Pilarski Jr, who was a cell block attendant for the Cheektowaga Police Department, made the comments on Facebook.

He was writing after an anti-gay activist in California filed a ballot measure for a ‘Sodomite Suppression Act’ – which calls for gay people to face the death penalty.

For all of you who think things are so much better for gay people, this should give you an example of what we’re still dealing with now. This happened in NY state, but it could have been anywhere in the world. And if they aren’t calling for an execution in public, they are silently thinking about it in private.

You can read more here.  

Straight Guys Into Anal Stimulation

This doesn’t surprise me at all. And the main reason is that I dated a few straight guys in my time and it basically corroborates everything I learned from them.

“Our anuses have thousands of nerve endings that respond to stimulation,” a columnist by the name of “Jake” writes in Glamour’s Sex and Dating section. “I learned this firsthand in my twenties when, after several drinks at a bar, I went home with an old college friend. We fooled around for a while, and then I suddenly found myself on all fours as she used her hands up front and stuck her tongue where the sun don’t shine.”

Another thing is true, too. From what I recall straight guys are not shy about what they want. But to be perfectly honest, you really have to be into certain things to enjoy them…both parties. Not everyone is, so don’t let articles like this mislead you into believing that everyone out there likes to, well, eat ass.

And you’d better make sure you keep it clean. And I mean squeaky clean to the point where that ass shines like Sirius. Not Sirius the big mouth m/m book reviewer from THAT web site who gets it wrong and insults many gay men 99% of the time, Sirius the shining star.

You can read more here.  

Jamie Foxx’s Transphobic Jokes

Jamie Foxx has been making headlines this week because of transphobic jokes he made in reference to Bruce Jenner. It’s really interesting because this kind of joke wouldn’t even have been noticed ten years ago, and now it’s considered wrong…as it should be. I hate to sound too PC about these things, and I really try not to be too PC with regard to laughing at myself, but these comedians that come from places of privilege really need to start rethinking what is and is NOT funny. Comedy has changed, like it or not.

What was the intention, for instance, behind Jamie Foxx’s recent jokes at Bruce Jenner’s expense at the iHeartRadio awards?

The answer seems limited to obtaining a cheap laugh, putting someone down and playing off tired stereotypes of transgender people.

And that’s not comedy, that’s just mean.

If I had kept track of every single homophobic joke I’ve heard in my lifetime, either blatant or passive aggressive, I could fill a book. The jokes where the straight guys joke around about being gay are the ones that always got to me the most. It’s not that you can’t tell gay jokes. I’m willing to laugh at myself as much as the next guy. But you have to be smart enough to find the right context.

Unfortunately, the comment thread with this devolves into something you might want to miss.

Here’s the link with a video of what Foxx said.

The Way We ALMOST Were

A Gay Parody  


Sex Acts In 1964; Gay Male Sexy Workers and Kids; The Rainbow Detective Agency

Sex Acts In 1964

It’s hard to believe some of these things when you read them, but it happened and it’s all in writing.

Good ‘ole Connecticut referred to sodomy, for instance, as the “crime against nature,” and it carried a hefty sentence of 30 years in prison. Kentucky might give you 2-5 years, and in Massachusetts or Minnesota you’d face 20 years.

Fornication was viewed with much less severity, and would typically result in a $20-500 fine. Seems pretty reasonably, no?

There’s more here. Next time you start complaining about those good old days and how people didn’t stare at their phone and text in public, read this backward nonsense for a reality check. I prefer now to the past any day. 

Gay Male Sexy Workers and Kids

This is hard to title because it’s really about what gay men in risque professions should tell their kids. But for me, sexy worker includes everything from modeling to stripping to rent boy. I know some would disagree, but it’s all how you look at reality. If you’re posing almost nude for underwear you’re promoting sex, not just undies. I prefer to keep it as real as possible. And I don’t judge anyone for what they do to make a buck.

Underwear model, Colby Melvin, said this:

We all have bodies and pretending sex does not exist or making it seem taboo is how we get so many body-image disorders. Make fun of me all you want, but this is the real me, and it isn’t changing. Would that be so bad to teach my child?”

I agree with him 100%. You can read the rest here. 

The Rainbow Detective Agency Book 1


"Looking and Douching" / SNL Bachelor Parody/ Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter/ Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

“Looking and Douching”

While watching the latest installment of HBO’s gay series last night, Looking, I realized that in over 100 works of gay fiction I’ve written I never actually got into the act of anal douching with characters in any great amount of detail. I sometimes write the character “took care of things” before or after a sex scene. But never thought it was important to go into too much detail about this…preaching to the choir? 

Evidently, not the case in Looking. They actually added so much douchery into the storyline in such detail I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see Jonathan Groff again without thinking of mountain fresh scent. We saw Jonathan buy the douche, joke around about the douche with the clerk in the store in a lame attempt at humor, and we even saw him on his knees and elbows while he douched his ass. What that part was about I still don’t understand…getting down on the floor in THAT position. Without going into detail here on the blog, I never found it necessary to do that.

And then, just when you thought the douchery scenes were all over, they brought it up again while Jonathan was in bed with the guy he’s cheating with.

Speaking of cheating and Looking, it’s interesting to see how this storyline of infidelity is being handled. Jonathan’s character is sleeping with another man’s partner/lover. The interesting thing is there doesn’t seem to be an ounce of remorse about this. While he’s stuffing himself with mountain fresh scent, and another man’s partner, on a regular basis so far it’s all giggles and laughs and let the games begin.

I watched with Tony last night. We usually have the same taste in TV shows and movies and when we don’t we usually give in and let the other one watch whatever he wants. In this case, gay themed TV is almost always something we both enjoy. But last night, during Looking, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Tony groan so much aloud. At one point I thought he was in pain. From the douchery scenes to the cheating scenes, he kept asking me how much time was left, and when will it all end. And I’m starting to wonder if that’s how other people are feeling.

I had to watch the show; just for blogging purposes alone. But frankly, if they don’t make Jonathan Groff’s character a little less self-indulgent I’m not sure how long I’ll continue to watch. When this show first started I thought it was filled with promise. I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t know one single gay man in my life who ever enjoyed infidelity as much as Jonathan’s character does. For me, it just gets tired. If I can’t relate to the character I can still watch. But if I don’t like the character it’s a completely different thing.

SNL Bachelor Parody

I’ve never seen the reality show The Bachelor, and I haven’t watched SNL since the early years of the Bush administration. I think reality TV is tired and completely staged, and I think network shows like SNL are about as relevant now as dial up land line telephones.

But they both still seem to be holding their own, so to speak, with a certain market and there was a recent question about whether or not SNL went too far with its parody of The Bachelor.

The Bachelor has been called into question for its lack of diversity before, and Shelton even takes that issue on as he tells one of the black women, “Would you be cool with never seeing another black person again?” In the parody, he went even further: “There’s so many beautiful girls here, but I have to send three of them home. Probably the two black girls plus one of the curly haired ones.”

I have no opinion because I don’t watch either show. However, I do just once wish that someone would go after SNL the way they’ve been going after everyone else. Of course, with parody. Make it gay parody on straight liberal people humor. And start with the way that show is and always has been designed for the most heteronormative market out there. With the way they go overboard trying to apologize to the black community and the gay community I think a parody on them would be even more amusing than one on The Bachelor. We could start with one about Michael Moore and his badass. I would do it myself, but that would mean I would have to actually watch SNL. Said me, never.

You can read the rest here.

Tighten/Loosen Your Anal Sphincter

This can be a serious matter…even though it hasn’t been talked about on Looking yet. Although I’ve posted articles about anal sex before in a variety of ways, as I see them popping up in gay culture, I’ve never posted anything about one of the most important aspects of anal sex: the sphincter muscles. It could be the difference between good anal and bad, and depending on whether or not yours is too tight or too loose really does matter a lot.

If you’ve been around and back, you might want to check out this article below about tightening that old anal sphincter. No one wants to top for the Lincoln Tunnel. And those of you who do get pounded regularly won’t even know this because you’re on the wrong end of the stick, so to speak. But that top guy who isn’t going to reply to your texts the next day knows exactly what’s wrong.

Of course this article is designed with medical terms for more practical reasons. But the same concept applies to tightening the anal sphincter with regard to anal sex. Here you go:

 Kegel exercises, also called pelvic floor exercises, can help reduce fecal incontinence by strengthening rectal muscles. To perform them, tighten the muscles of the anus, buttocks and pelvis as if you were trying to prevent the escape of stool or gas. Hold the muscles as tightly as you can for at least five seconds, then relax. Do 30 of these at a time, three times daily, for a total of 90 Kegels a day. This regimen may cause improvement in fecal incontinence within a matter of weeks.

Now, if things are too tight down there, which usually tends to be the case, this article might help you...and your partner.

Even if a person does feel comfortable during anal sex, he or she may still need to learn voluntary control over his or her internal sphincter in order to relax it at will. Doing so requires regularly inserting a finger, perhaps in the shower each day, and feeling the internal sphincter. The muscle changes spontaneously and in response to behavior. In this instance, simply paying attention is more important than trying to relax. Anyone can gradually learn to control the internal sphincter at will.

It really is a matter of concentration. And once you learn how to master this you’ll be trying to figure out ways to tighten that sphincter up in no time at all.

For those of you who don’t think this can be an issue, this amusing exchange at Yahoo will back me up…no pun intended.  It’s about a guy who is wondering if “his” hole is too tight for anal sex.

The anus is a muscle like any other. A gymnast or dancer stretches on a regular basis to maintain flexibility. He or she doesn’t just wait until they have to perform. You don’t sound like you have anal sex very often, so perhaps he needs to get more comfortable with regular anal penetration. Buy him a small, flexible ********* (jelly or silicone), and use that to loosen him up. Incorporate it into other sex play. See if he can get comfortable just wearing it around the house . Ideally he should start having “stretchy time” every day for a short while. When the ********* stops feeling big he can go up a size. Repeat this process until minimal warm-up is required for anal sex and there is very little (if any) discomfort. 

I would suggest removing the ********* while driving or jogging. That could be embarrassing.

Ugly Howard Stern Goes After Sam Smith

I really don’t like going after anyone’s physical appearance online. This is the first time I’ve ever done it and I hope the last. I think it’s the lowest form of online behavior. However, sometimes a point needs to be made. 

That ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck, Howard Stern, who gained fame in the early nineties by bashing and shocking everyone…which is his only talent in life…is now going after Brit singer, Sam Smith, without provocation. And he’s doing this in the most vituperative way since he went after Kathy Lee Griffin. It must be that Stern has become as irrelevant as SNL and he needs publicity. He also knows a guy like Sam Smith is far too polite to go after him and call him what he is…an ugly old frizzie-haired, big-nosed fuck. You know, because the gay people are all too polite to ever reply in a less than dignified manner. Of course I would probably react the same way Sam is reacting, however, I did want to point out that there are different ways to approach this kind of attack Stern has launched.

Stern is also gay-shaming.

In an astonishing verbal on air attack, Howard Stern, a veteran US radio show host and judge on America’s Got Talent, said of UK singer Sam Smith: ‘Do you know what I love about that guy? He’s an ugly motherf***er.’ 

‘He’s fat. And I love it. You know what, he looks gay to me. Not that anybody looks gay but he does seem effeminate,’ he added. 

The 61-year-old DJ, which TMZ once dsecribed as having made a career out of controversy, also predicted the openly gay singer’s career success will be short-lived. 

It’s hard to go after someone who will be on social security in a few short years, but seriously sometimes we just have to forget all about that peace and love business and call it for what it is. It’s just a different approach. And that ugly fucking Howard Stern should be the LAST person on earth to call anyone else ugly.

You can read more here, where there’s a series of Tweets in Smith’s defense.

Chase of a Lifetime



Gay Sex Roles: Tops and Bottoms; Be A Better Gay Top; Davey Wavey on Good Tops

Gay Sex Roles: Tops and Bottoms

This is one of those posts I’m keeping more clinical because I think it’s important to the discussion of m/m romance and almost all gay fiction. Even if this doesn’t come up in any particular book, it is dormant between the lines no matter how hard someone tries to dispute it (or ignore it). We often read a great deal about gender politics with regard to gay relationships that discuss the fundamentals, with respect to heteronormative couples, and most of that is a huge waste of human time. I think another fundamental aspect of any relationship…gay or straight…are sex roles. And there’s absolutely nothing dirty or obscene about this.

This article dates back a few years, but I think it’s one of the best I’ve read about gay sex roles in a long time.

Most psychology research that deal with gay men dichotomize the sex roles as Top and Bottom (if they differentiate among gay men at all) – preference for insertive anal intercourse and preference for receptive anal intercourse respectively. This paper summarizes a study that tested a more elaborate categorization, and finds that sex role preference is correlated with differences in physical preferences for a sexual partner among gay men, suggesting that the hypothesized categorization is meaningful. The data suggests that sex roles should be thought of as a continuous spectrum that map onto a continuous spectrum of physical preferences.
The new categorization tested includes 6 categories:
1) Only Bottom
2) Versatile, but prefer Bottom
3) Versatile, equal
4) Versatile, but prefer Top
5) Only Top
6) Never had anal sex / Don’t Know
In other words, diversification. I also think there could be a few more added to this list, but for now it’s simple and accurate. Of course I probably wouldn’t get into this in fiction unless the main character were a psychologist or something related, but these “things” are always in the background of any book whenever there is a situation that involves two people involved in a relationship that is even remotely sexual.
You can read the rest here. I think it’s worthwhile reading. It disputes a lot of myths, for one thing.
Many gay men feel that there are more Bottoms than Tops, and the point of the study wasn’t to prove this one way or another. The milieu of may have skewed the proportions. But the point of the study was to see whether preference for certain physical traits were different among individuals among the different categories rather than finding out the actual distribution (which is a much tougher question because it’s hard to remove the bias of where you solicit your respondents).
To put this into an even more interesting (and simple) perspective, think about the most recent episode of True Blood. The flamboyant gay character who is always gender bending with clothes and image wound up in a situation with one of the more masculine vampires. In the next scene we find the more effeminate character topping and the more masculine character on the bottom. I’ve known many couples in real life like this, too. A lot of what we think we know on the surface only promotes the old stereotypes.  
Be A Better Gay Top
Since I’m posting on this topic, and I have posted about how to be a better gay bottom, I thought I would be remiss if I didn’t post something about being a better top. This is really important, especially if the top is responsible for a bottom’s first time.
Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because empathy always makes a better lover. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time.
You can read more here. The article gets into a lot of other issues I think are important. It states that it’s not just the bottom’s responsibility to bring the condom. It’s everyone’s responsibility and if you’re a good top you’ll pay attention to this. It’s true. Then again, I also know from personal experience that if you’re a smart bottom you’ll bring that condom anyway because the odds are the top guy won’t have one. When I was single I never met one who did carry one. He’ll tell you he’ll pull out. He’ll tell you he’s safe. He’ll tell you anything to get you to do what he wants. Just bring the condom and don’t trust anyone you don’t know well. This might not be the most clinical advice, or the most politically correct advice. But it’s like defensive driving…it’s the most logical advice if you want to remain disease free. And I’m not just talking about HIV. There’s a long list of sexually transmitted diseases that require medical attention you don’t want to get.
Davey Wavey on Good Tops
Davey Wavey, youtube star, has weighed in on this issue in a less clinical sense. But the first thing he gets into is something I’ve seen even in clinical articles: the best tops have also been bottoms and they know how things work, so to speak, from personal experience. I’m not sure that’s always true, even though it does make sense. There are plenty of good tops out there would never even consider bottoming. But it’s a fun video if you take it on surface value.
If you can’t see the video here, here’s the youtube link. If you haven’t seen any Davey Wavey videos you’ll find more links on other related topics on that page to which I linked.
 Small Town Romance Writer
by Ryan Field


Top, Bottom, Erections; Erect Bottoms? Anal Orgasm; Small Town Romance Writer by Ryan Field

Top, Bottom, Erections

While looking up articles about bottoms I came across something interesting that I think a lot of men think about but rarely discuss openly. I’m keeping it all clinical here, without puns, because I really do think it’s something a lot of us are curious about.

In short, the article I’m linking to here deals with topping, bottoming, and maintaining an erection. There’s a lot of information here and one topic talks about the prostate.

Prostate stimulation: Now this is my favourite part of the post where I get to tell you about the wonders of the prostate.

You can read more here.  I’m not going into more detail here on the blog, but I do get into these things in my books while I’m telling stories. I also think this might be of interest to straight men…and straight couples. The wonders of the prostate are not limited to gay men only. We all have them.

Erect Bottoms

Once again, I’m keeping this clinical. It’s a NSFW web site, so you’ve been warned, but I do think it’s something a lot of gay men think about with regard to anal intercourse and I actually happen to agree with this particular opinion. It almost breaks the myth that when a man is bottoming during intercourse he always has to be erect. I also put this in my books sometimes, too. I’m self-censoring a few words here on purpose. But you’ll get the drift.

It’s very rare that I get a hard-on while getting f….., it doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy it, it just means that my focus is solely on the top that is f…… me and not on my own c…… Some guys need absolute attention to their c….. in order to keep erect which is exactly the category I fall into. So, when I read something like this article I bothers me.

I’ve always thought it was more about the intimacy. In other words the pleasure is not always in the form of an erection.

There’s more here.

Anal Orgasm

This article is also something I think could be interesting to straight and gay men. It talks about anal orgasm, which I’ve also mentioned often in books, and how fulfilling it can be for many men. Not all men. I get this. Gay and straight, not all men care about this. But for those who do I think this article explains things fairly well. For those who are curious and willing to practice, you’ll never be the same again once you actually experience anal orgasm.

If you’re wary of anal play during sex, you may wonder how do males have anal orgasms? Anal orgasms happen through the stimulation of several nerve-rich areas in and around the anus. According to a study at the University of Illinois, about 25% of heterosexual men and women experiment with anal sex at least one time. It is also very popular with same-sex couples, but it is important to note that the enjoyment of anal sex transcends sexual orientation: it feels good to men and women regardless of sexual orientation and can lead to amazing orgasms.

That paragraph just about sums it all up.

This is important. It’s at the end of the article. “Anal sex should not hurt.” If it does you’re doing something wrong. Or, you’re just not into it…or you need more practice.

More here.

Small Town Romance Writer
By Ryan Field