“Bachelor” Star Colton Underwood Comes Out and Straight People Need to Be Quiet

There’s been a good deal of banter on Twitter about Colton Underwood coming out as gay and I can’t tell you how homophobic it’s been. It’s cringe at best sometimes. 

I’m not talking about outright hateful homophobia. I’m talking about the passive-aggressive kind like this comment that came from a straight woman: “I don’t care about anyone’s sexuality, but he was lying to women all along and that’s wrong.”

No. He wasn’t lying to women. He was lying to himself because like all gay men he was coming to terms with being gay, and the shame that’s always been associated with being gay. So don’t tell me that I have to feel bad for someone coming from straight privilege. Nope. She has all the advantages. It doesn’t work that way anymore. But more than that, I think most of us are tired of apologizing to straight people.  

And the other thing I see a lot of is that so many well-intentioned straight people truly believe that being gay is only about sex and sexuality. And it’s so much more, including a culture. And to believe otherwise is just another form of homophobia no one told you about.

But the very bottom line here is that if you are straight and you are coming from a place of straight privilege, you don’t get to comment on this. You can offer support. Everyone loves that and respects it. But you don’t get the splain what it’s like to be gay, in the closet, or to come out. You don’t get to tell gay men how they should act or react. That’s when you need to go silent. You wouldn’t do that with any other marginalized group, please don’t do it to us.  

Here’s more about Underwood coming out as gay. 

“The next step in all of this is letting people know. I’m still nervous… It’s been a journey for sure. I’m emotional in such a good, happy, positive way. I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my life and that means the world to me.” 

 Don’t Be Afraid of Virginia’s Woolf

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