FREE Gay Excerpt for Pride Month: Kendle’s Fire
Here’s a free chapter from Kendle’s Fire. I enjoyed writing this book, but I wasn’t sure how it would be received by readers. It’s different. It’s very different. So far, according to the reviews, it seems to have resonated with a few readers. I was hoping that would happen because I see more and more people challenging the masculinity stereotypes.
Here’s one reader’s opinion:
This is GREAT story!! It’s wonderful in its exploration of sexuality and masculinity. The story is well done and beautifully done. The story flows beautifully and the characters are wonderfully written. The protagonist of the story is a handsome man who is searching for meaning in his life and trying to come to terms with his preferences. He doesn’t like that the world is so judgemental and unforgiving. It’s a great read full of heart.
In any event, here’s the link. I’ve posted the chapter excerpt below.
On Stonewall Inn’s Hallowed Ground
If you’ve never been to NYC and you’ve never seen the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street, articles like this will at least help you understand more about the significance. That’s important. This is a huge part of gay culture and history.
Here’s the first of a series of articles that will be covering gay history with regard to New York City. I was just a child at the time so I don’t recall anything in detail, but living in NJ so close to NYC as a kid I remember the general feeling. You just knew something was happening. Something big. This one is about Stonewall.
It was a Mafia-owned private club that catered to Greenwich Village’s emerging community. Like all gay bars at the time, the place was subject to frequent police raids—just another fact of life at a time when homosexuality was outlawed and pretty much everyone was on what now call the DL.
Here’s the link to this one.
FREE Excerpt Kendle’s Fire. Even though this is chapter 4, I don’t think it gives out any huge spoilers. It does, though, mention one central focus in the book, with regard to what makes Kendle a little different. This isn’t the final edited version for publication either, so there might be some small issues. But not many.
After the interview with Keesha at The Old Italian Peoples Café and Bakery, he phoned Dale and asked him over for dinner that night. He told Dale he had a surprise for him that he couldn’t mention on the phone. He said it was good news and he wanted to share it in person. Then he stopped at his favorite take out place in Smoke Tree to pick up ribs because he knew how much Dale loved them. After that, he felt so inspired he drove to one of his favorite erotic boutiques to pick up a brand new outfit. This would be another surprise for Dale, something he knew Dale would love because he’d mentioned it a few times. Up until then, Kendle had been apprehensive about this one particular outfit. It had always seemed a bit of an exaggeration, even for him. It was a little too frilly and feminine, a fetish that made him both curious and cautious. He’d always been more turned on by combining his masculinity with something more along the lines of black leather and lace. And this was pushing that rare combination to a completely different limit.
Although he normally ordered his fetish gear online, for obvious reasons, he sometimes frequented a small erotic boutique that was located in a quiet strip mall on the outskirts of the city. So far, he’d only purchased the most basic items they sold like cock rings, dildos, and black leather vests. In other words, he’d only purchased the masculine items in person, never the feminine lingerie items. However, he felt so animated that afternoon he figured it was time to find out what it was like to do this in person and see what kind of reactions he would receive from the people who worked there. He knew one thing for certain: the people who worked in places like this erotic boutique knew the meaning of discretion. In fact, anyone who went into the shop understood discretion.
This particular strip mall had a rear parking lot and the erotic boutique had a rear entrance. He parked near a palm tree, took a quick breath, and climbed out of the car. As he headed for the back door, he felt his heart race and a tingling sensation in his jaw. After a wave of anxiety, he almost turned around and went back to the car. However, he stopped, took a few deep breaths, and continued. He’d come this far, he’d always wanted to try out this particular fetish with Dale, and he was a grown man who wasn’t doing anything wrong. He had to repeat this to himself in order to continue because there was still a small self-loathing part of him that made him feel as if he was doing something wrong.
When he entered the store through the back door, he looked around and saw that he was the only customer. It was filled with merchandise that ranged from kinky corsets to black leather chaps. He crossed to the middle of the store, passing a shelf filled with gas masks, where he found a young man in his twenties sitting behind a long glass counter filled with cock rings. He was reading something on his phone. The young man had short wavy blond hair, a strong solid jaw, and broad shoulders. If he hadn’t been sitting behind the counter of an erotic boutique, Kendle would have imagined him working in construction or as an auto mechanic. And the fact that the young man didn’t fit any particular stereotype helped calm Kendle’s racing heart.
He felt so comfortable seeing this young man there, he walked right up to the counter and said, “Good afternoon. I’d like to purchase something a little unusual and I’m going to need some help. I’m Kendle.” Then he reached out to shake the young man’s hand.
The young man sent him a nonplussed look and set his phone down on the counter next to a black dildo. He shook Kendle’s hand reluctantly and said, “Well, isn’t that nice. I’m Walter. What’re you looking for, dude?”
Kendle smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Walter. As I said, this is a little unusual and I don’t want to shock you.” The few times Kendle had been here before there had been an older man behind the counter.
Walter shrugged and hopped off the stool he’d been sitting on. He was wearing a tight dark gray T-shirt, light gray jeans the hung low around his narrow waist, and those retro high top sneakers Kendle had been thinking about buying. “There’s not much that shocks me anymore, man. I just had a guy leave here with a bag full of nipple clamps. I don’t ask questions; I don’t judge. I do my job.”
“Well, this might shock you,” Kendle said. “It’s not exactly the kind of thing you’d expect a guy like me to buy. I’m a former Marine.”
Walter folded his arms across his muscular chest and said, “Try me.”
Kendle took another quick breath and said, “Well, it’s an outfit. It’s a kinky outfit.”
“What kind of outfit?”
“It’s an outfit I’ve been thinking about getting for a while.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud.
Walter remained expressionless, as if he couldn’t wait to get back to whatever he’d been doing on his phone. “Let’s do this, man. You tell me what you want to see first, and we’ll pick out the outfit step by step.”
Kendle smiled wider. “I like that idea. In fact, I think it’s perfect. And it’s a lot easier than trying to explain it aloud.”
“Okay, what do you want first, dude?”
Kendle hesitated for a moment, and then said, “First, I’d like a pair of white high heels in a size 13.” Then he giggled, which he usually did whenever he was nervous about something.
Walter’s eyebrows went up and this time he sent Kendle a smile. “I get it, man. No problem. Just relax and let me take care of everything.” He pointed to a doorway with a red curtain in a far corner of the store. “You go over to that small dressing room and take off your clothes and wait for me. I’ll get you everything you need so you don’t have to stand out here and explain it all in case anyone comes inside.”
“Take off all my clothes?”
“Well, you want to make sure it all fits, don’t you? You can’t return anything here once you bought it. And I’d hate to see you buy something that doesn’t fit.”
Kendle thought for a moment, and he hesitated again. Of course that made perfect sense. He had purchased shoes and outfits online in the past and the sizes had been all wrong. He’d wasted his money and thrown them all away. It’s not as if he could donate them to a needy kinky person. So he nodded and said, “Okay. I’ll go get undressed and wait for you.”
Walter seemed more animated now, as if he couldn’t have cared less about what he’d been doing on his phone. “I’ll get you a couple of pairs of white high heels in size 13. We carry a lot of shoes and you might want to try a few pairs on to see which you like the best.”
Kendle hadn’t realized he would have that many choices and he smiled even wider. “I like that. I do have a particular style that I like. I don’t want anything with a platform, or anything with an ankle strap. And dear God, nothing with a wedge. I’m not into that librarian look. I’d rather have something simple, a white pump with nothing less than a six inch heel.”
“You got it, dude,” Walter said.
A minute or two later, Walter pushed the red curtain to the right and stomped into the small dressing room with a stack of boxes containing white high heels. Kendle was standing there wearing nothing but a white thong. He’d even removed his socks. The only reason he was wearing a thong that day was because he’d been job hunting, otherwise, he wouldn’t have been wearing underwear at all.
Walter set the boxes on the floor and took a look at him standing there in his thong. “Dude, you must work out a lot.” Then he patted Kendle’s ass and said, “Hard like a rock.”
“Well, thank you,” Kendle said. He found this exchange a bit awkward and unexpected. “You obviously work out, too.”
“I’m a wrestler,” Walter said. He lifted his right arm and flexed his bicep. “Feel that.”
Kendle hesitated. “I don’t have to do that.”
“Go on,” Walter said. “Feel how hard that is. I play football, too.”
Kendle squeezed his bicep and said, “Yes, it is firm all right.”
Walter lowered his arm and asked, “What’s next?” He sounded as excited at Kendle felt.
“I’d like a white garter belt, white stockings, and some kind of white corset,” Kendle said. He figured it was silly to go step by step now. They guy had seen him in a thong, not to mention the fact that if there had been any shame it had disappeared the moment he smacked his behind.
“That sounds hot.”
“Yeah, man,” Walter said, rubbing his palms together. “I think I know exactly what you want. You just wait right here and I’ll get it all together and you can try it on.”
“But the stockings are one size fits all, aren’t they?” Kendle asked. “I don’t need to try them on.”
“You really should try them on,” Walter said. “You never know. You should try the whole outfit on just to see how it’s going to look. And I’ll let you know if it’s right or not. I’ll also throw in a free pair of stockings if you try them on right now.”
“You will?” This was a bit of a surprise to Kendle.
“Dude, I can’t wait to see it,” Walter said. “I work here part time. I’m a senior in college and the only customers I normally see are old people looking for some of the weirdest shit you ever heard of. This morning I had an old dude who wanted feathers, and he wanted me to tickle him with the feathers to see how they would feel. It’s not every day of the week a hot looking guy like you comes in here looking for an outfit this hot.”
“Well, thanks,” Kendle said. “That’s very flattering. I just didn’t expect it. I assumed you were straight.”
“I am straight,” Walter said. “For the most part, but not totally. I’ve been with dudes before, but I’ve never seen one dress up like this. That’s another reason why you have to try on everything. I’m really into this kind of thing, you know, when dudes dress up this way. I think I can give you a good, honest opinion.” Then he reached around and smacked Kendle’s ass again. But he wasn’t as animated anymore. He seemed reluctant to admit that he liked seeing men dress up in kinky outfits.
Kendle felt a wave of guilt, and then shame. Oh, if the Marines could only see him now. If his parents in LA could see him what would they think? And yet he couldn’t deny that he wanted to put the outfit on for Walter. He wanted Walter to see him in the outfit, because that kind of forbidden exhibitionism was part of what his fetish was all about. “Okay, calm down. I’ll try everything on. Are you sure you know what I want?”
“Just trust me, dude,” Walter said. “I’ll pick out everything I’d want to see you wear. It’s going to be so hot, just wait and see.”
“Okay,” Kendle said. “I’ll trust you completely. But it has to be a little frilly and everything has to be white. I’m doing this for a friend, not just for myself. He’s been asking me to do this for a while and I’ve been putting it off.”
Walter looked him up and down again and said, “You have a very lucky friend.”
After Walter left him alone, he closed the red curtain and sat down on a huge red velvet chair that was trimmed in bright gold. He opened the boxes Walter had left on the floor and started trying on different pairs of white high heels. By the time Walter returned with the rest of his outfit, he was standing in front of a full length mirror with his back to the doorway wearing nothing but white stilettos and a thong.
Of course shy young Walter just pushed the curtain aside and walked into the dressing room. He set a pile of things he’d collected in the store on the red velvet chair and stared at Kendle’s legs. “Here you go, man. Just put them all on and let me know when you’re done. I want to see the entire outfit.”
Then he left Kendle standing there in the dressing room with a pile of fetish gear not knowing what to think. There wasn’t that much of an age difference between them. Kendle was 26 and he figured if this guy was still a senior in college he was probably 21 or 22. But like most straight men Kendle knew around that age, Walter acted and sounded younger. He was definitely certain Walter was over 18 otherwise he never would have been allowed to work in an erotic boutique.
After Kendle examined everything Walter had brought into the dressing room, he opened a package of white stockings first. The instant he slid the first one up his leg he felt the same sense of instant gratification he always experienced whenever he got dressed up in kinky, sexy outfits. After he put on the second white stocking with the white lace border at the top, he put on a white garter belt and clipped the lace in the front and back of both stockings to keep them up. These weren’t the kind that stayed up by themselves like most of the kinky stockings Kendle owned, which made this particular outfit even more arousing.
By the time he finished, he glanced into the full length mirror and turned a few times. The white high heels were perfect, the white stockings made his heart pound, and the white corset stopped a few inches above where the garter belt began. He was glad Walter had brought him a short white mini skirt that was no wider than a scarf. Though he normally didn’t wear skirts, this time it hid the erection that was poking through the white thong. He didn’t put on everything that young Walter had brought him. He’d left the fluffy white wig and the white lace gloves on the red velvet chair. For Kendle, dressing up this way wasn’t about his need to be a woman, nor was it about his need to pretend to be a woman for men. It was about his need to be a man wearing kinky feminine lingerie. In many ways it was the complete opposite of what anyone would even expect him to do, and he often thought that’s why he experienced so much satisfaction doing it.
While he was staring at the reflection of his thighs, Walter pushed the curtain aside without knocking first and walked into the dressing room. He made a fist and fake punched the wall. “Damn, baby, that is hot. Now put on the wig and lace gloves.”
Kendle turned sideways and arched his back. “I don’t think so. I’m not into the wig thing or the gloves. What I’m wearing right now is perfect. I’ll take it. You’ve been a huge help today.”
While Kendle continued to stare at his image, he felt a large hand slide up the back of the mini skirt. It rested on his bare buttocks and Walter said, “Dude, you look so hot. There’s no need to thank me.”
Walter started to rub his ass and he turned and took a step back. “I think I’ll get dressed now. I have ribs in the car and I have to get them home.” The ribs were only an excuse to get rid of Walter. He’d put the ribs in a cooler that he kept in the car at all times. He’d lived in Palm Springs long enough to know that if he was going to stop at the store for anything he had to bring a cooler along just in case it got too hot outside or he got sidetracked.
“I’ll pay for the ribs,” Walter said, taking a step closer. He grabbed Kendle by the waist and smiled. “I locked the doors so no one can some inside and bother us. The store is empty, except for you and me.” Then his hands slid down Kendle’s waist to the bottom of the short skirt.
As Walter lifted the skirt slowly, Kendle couldn’t deny a strong sense of arousal. At that moment he hadn’t been this aroused in a long time. He thought this was partly because of the new kinky white outfit, and partly because Walter was definitely a good looking guy. This was that straight guy fantasy for Kendle that didn’t happen very often, so he spread his legs, closed his eyes, and arched his back.
While Walter grabbed him and nuzzled his neck, he rested his palms on Walter’s shoulders and said, “I thought you were straight.”
“I am, sort of,” Walter said, with a breathless voice. “I guess I’m pansexual. I love hot transvestites, sissies, and cross dressers. I can’t explain it. I just love them. It’s what I’m into most of all.”
“But I’m not a transvestite,” Kendle said. “I’m not a cross dresser either.” Whether or not he was a sissy left room for doubt, but he wasn’t going to get into that right at that moment. He’d heard the terms sissy and ladyboy before and he didn’t think that’s what he was, at least not technically. Neither one of those terms bothered him, but he didn’t want to lead Walter into believing something untrue.
“God damn you’re hot,” Walter said. “You’re so smooth, too.”
“I manscape,” Kendle said. He didn’t know how else to reply.
“Oh, yes you do,” Walter said, trying to turn Kendle all the way around. He’d lifted the skirt all the way up and now he was tugging the white lace thong.
Kendle had never been one to judge, and he’d never had restrictions about sex. He had been in situations where he’d done things with men that he’d regretted and he’d learned from his past mistakes. In his defense, he’d usually had a few drinks in those circumstances, but he was totally sober now and there was no excuse. It felt wrong. He knew if he continued this he’d wind up having sex with Walter right there in the dressing room and then he’d go home and regret it later. He’d feel cheap and used. He’d felt that way before and he didn’t want to feel that way again, especially not sober.
So he pushed Walter gently and said, “I really have to go now, man. I’m sorry. But you can go out to the counter and wait for me. I’m buying everything.”
“C’mon, dude,” Walter said, with his face buried in Kendle’s neck. “Just a quick one. I never get anyone in here like you.”
“Well, I’m sorry for that,” Kendle said. “But I really do have to get dressed now.”
“Seriously,” Kendle said.
“I can make you feel really good,” Walter said.
“You probably can,” Kendle said. “But you need to calm down now. It’s not going to happen. It just feels too creepy.”
After he said that, Walter released him and took a few steps back. He adjusted his dick in a cute natural way and shook his head. “Okay, I’ll stop. You get dressed and I’ll wait for you outside. I know how to take a hint and I don’t want to offend you. I like you too much. If you’re not into me, that’s fine. I get it.”
Kendle felt a lump in his throat. “It’s not that I’m not into you. You’re a great looking guy. I just don’t want to do this right here, right now. It’s the timing that’s off. Doing it this way, in here, just feels too weird. It’s like a bad porno film and we’re the main characters. I’m sorry.” He already felt odd buying all these things in person.
Walter turned toward the doorway and smiled. “It’s okay. I’m fine. I’ll wait for you out at the counter.”
A few minutes later, Kendle finished dressing and gathered up all the merchandise Walter had brought him and he left the dressing room with his arms full. He crossed to the counter and set everything down. “I’ll take everything.” Even though he wasn’t into the wig or the lace gloves, he figured he might want to experiment with them sometime in the future. Besides, he still felt bad about turning Walter down and he wasn’t totally sure why.
Walter reached for a large plain white shopping bag under the counter and smiled. “Sounds good, man.” He wasn’t as aggressive anymore. He didn’t seem dejected or insulted either. He remained smiling and talking as if nothing bad had transpired between them.
It didn’t take long to tally up the sale and finish the transaction. When Walter handed him the shopping bag, he hesitated for a moment and said, “Can I at least have your number? I promise I’m not a creep or a perv. Maybe we can be friends or something. You never know.”
Kendle laughed. “Well, you are a little bit of a perv.”
“That’s true,” Walter said. “But seriously, man, you’re not perfect either. I just want to keep in touch, is all. I promise I won’t start texting you in the middle of the night or anything.”
“I think it’s okay to exchange numbers,” Kendle said. He thought about it fast and wondered if Dale would be interested in Walter. Dale had suggested they have a 3-way a few times but they’d never actually found a third that was right for them. But more than that, he trusted Walter. Kendle had a feeling there was a lot more to him than he was willing to explain in one quick encounter.
After they exchanged information, Kendle took the bag and headed toward the back door where he’d entered. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll stop back again.”
Walter smiled and said, “Any time, man. I’ll give you a call one of these days and check in with you.”
“I hope you do,” Kendle said, and he meant it. For some reason he found difficult to parse, he felt better leaving that shop after turning Walter down than he’d felt in a while. For the first time, not having anonymous sex with a stranger made him feel stronger and empowered. He’d not only left with his self-respect, but he’d also made a friend. He knew deep down he would keep in touch with Walter. And this time it wouldn’t be awkward and about sex. When they met again, it would be about keeping in touch with a guy who had understood the meaning of mutual respect for other human beings. In fact, he smiled all the way out to the car thinking about how excited Dale would be to see him in this kinky outfit later that night.