Filbert’s Special Cheese: A Gay Amish Romance
I’ve never written a gay Amish romance and I thought it was time. I know closeted gay Amish men, and I know a little about what life is like for them. In the same respect, I don’t know what it’s totally like to be gay and Amish, so I tried to be sensitive to that.
I also tried to tell a story about what it might be like if a young gay man from New York fell in love with his very distant Amish cousin. Here’s the blurb and there’s an excerpt below at the bottom of this post. It’s all still in edits, so there might be a few changes when it’s pubbed.
Discretion has never been Noah’s strong point, so he’s not totally shocked when his wealthy New York parents decide to send him away to Amish country for the summer. Although Noah believes his parents are punishing him for his blatant indiscretions with men by sending him to live with his big Amish cousins who make their own cheese, his parents believe they’re teaching Noah a lesson in life that will tame him.
As a closeted gay Amish man filled with internal conflict, Filbert’s entire life has revolved around keeping secrets and discretion. Although he’s managed to figure out how to learn about gay culture through a part time job that gives him Internet access, and a trusted best friend named Niles, he’s a 24 year old gay virgin trapped in a world that will never accept him for who he is.
When these two distant cousins from completely different worlds meet for the first time, neither of them believe they’ll ever be more than civil to each other. Noah jokes about Filbert’s special cheese, and Filbert throws shade and sass at Noah’s promiscuity. However, as the summer progresses and other influences come into play, they discover a mutual bond that’s stronger than they’d expected. But is it strong enough to tame Noah’s wild, reckless urges and indiscretions? And is it enough to give Filbert the courage to leave his overbearing Amish mother and the only way of life he’s ever known?
London Talent Agency Rejects Gay Performer
Here’s what happened to an openly gay performer in London…
In its rejection letter, the agency said: “We already have a gay actor on our books and also an actor/musician of the same age. So we feel there would be a clash. I’m unable to consider you at the moment.”
The most interesting thing about this is that “they” would rather hire straight actors to play gay than hire openly gay actors to play gay. Just look at the films Call Me By Your Name, and Brokeback Mountain. Do you need more examples? It’s been going on for years, and it happens to other minorities, too. Hollywood is notorious for putting white people in yellowface to play Asian characters.
Lesbian Home Raided By Cops
On the global front, here’s a disturbing story from Indonesia.
The Civil Service Police Unit (Depok Satpol PP) raided the home of the women after neighbors ‘to ensure they are not a lesbian couple’.
Homosexuality is not illegal in Indonesia, which is the world’s largest Muslim nation.
FREE Gay Excerpt
Noah Gledhill had a sinking feeling deep in his gut that he’d been summoned to his dad’s personal library for a reason, and it certainly wasn’t because of anything he’d done to make the world a better place. As he descended the grand white marble staircase that had been imported from Italy over 150 years earlier, he lifted his chin, forced a smile, and sharpened his posture. His mom and dad were big on the concept of positivity and good impressions, at least according to their Instagram accounts. He thought if he appeared positive and upbeat they might go easier on him.
At the bottom of the stairs, he crossed the main hall and entered the library, with his brightest smile and lightest step, the same way he had every other time his family had helped him out of a messy situation. He wore his most conservative navy pullover and khaki slacks, and those boring wing tip shoes his dad wore all the time. He’d slicked his short blond hair back, shaved off his five o’clock shadow, and he’d removed the diamond studs he usually had in his earlobes. He’d even removed the black nail polish from his fingernails and he’d only had that done a few days earlier at a little nail salon in the Village.
In the library, he found his mom sitting on a white damask wing chair next to the imported limestone fireplace, and his dad standing behind the huge hand carved banker’s desk that his great-grandfather had imported from Spain. Even though he’d never cared for that room, with its dark walnut panels and musty old print books, he lifted his chin higher and sent them both a smile. “Good morning, mother, father. Isn’t it a glorious day outside? Doesn’t it make you feel wonderful to be alive?”
His mom exchanged a look with his dad, and said, “Good morning, dear.” She always spoke as if she were on stage, elongating certain syllables, so that when she pronounced words like dear it sounded more like daaay-ahr.
“Good morning,” said his dad. He gestured to a matching wing chair on the other side of the fireplace. “Would you please take a seat, Noah. We’d like to speak with you about something important.”
This didn’t sound good. His mom and dad, Nancy and Edwin Gledhill, were easy to read. They were too polite that morning; their expressions too blank. Each time before when he’d screwed up they’d had rage, shame, or disappointment in their eyes. Now they only seemed to have slight resignation, at best, which was odd because this was probably the worst thing he’d ever done.
While Noah crossed to the wing chair, Edwin walked around to the front of the desk and said, “I’m sure you know why we’ve asked you to come here this morning.”
Noah just nodded and smiled. Oh, he knew why they’d asked him there that morning. And for the record, they hadn’t asked him. They’d summoned him. He knew he had to be proactive, so he went right into his apology before his dad had another chance to speak. “I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for what happened last night. I’m deeply, truly sorry and I swear on my life it will never happen again. I don’t know what happened to me. It’s like I lost my mind and went completely blank. In fact, I barely remember how I got into that situation in the first place. I think someone must have slipped something into my water bottle, a drug or something.”
“Before you continue, I’d like to say something,” Edwin said.
Noah smiled at his mom and said, “You’re looking absolutely wonderful this morning, mother. You’ve either lost weight or you’ve done something different with your hair. It’s very becoming.” He’d noticed his mom and dad had been exchanging glances during his apology, which wasn’t a good sign. His mom was usually the one who came to his defense and he knew he needed her on his side.
“Thank you,” Nancy said. She elongated thank you and it sounded like Thaaaank you. “But there’s no need to continue. No matter what you say this time it’s not going to work. Your charm, your good looks, and your ability to talk anyone into anything isn’t going to get you out of this like all the times before. Your father and I have made a decision and we think it’s in your best interest.” She never referred to Edwin as his dad. It was always as his father.
Noah gulped. He felt a thump in his throat. “A decision?” They’d never looked this glum or sounded this ominous.
Edwin cleared his throat and started pacing the library. “We both feel that it’s in your own best interest to change things for you. After all, Noah, you’re nearly 25 years old, you’ve been floundering since you graduated from college, and you don’t seem to have an interest in doing anything with your life. You don’t seem able to concentrate on anything.”
“I want to be a rapper,” Noah said. It was the first thing that popped into his head.
“Last week you wanted to be a poet,” his mom said.
“And the week before that you wanted to be a dancer,” his dad said.
“I really do want to be a rapper,” Noah said. “This time I mean it.” He was sorry he’d said he wanted to be a rapper, but it was too late to change his mind now. Even though he was blond, had blue eyes, and didn’t even remotely fit the image of a rap singer, he had to stick to one story for the time being for the sake of clarity.
“We’ve heard all the excuses we can possibly hear,” Nancy said. “It’s time to force you into taking a good look at your life and your priorities.”
Noah sat up in the chair and leaned forward. “I don’t understand.”
“We’ve decided to send you to live with your Amish cousins for the summer,” Edwin said.
Noah blinked. “My Amish cousins? My big Amish cousins?”
Edwin nodded. “Yes. I think you need time to reflect on what happened last night, and to think about what you want to do with your future. Besides, we both think it’s best that you get out of New York for a while. I worked out a deal with a few people I know downtown and that’s the only reason you’re not in jail right now. And trust me, it wasn’t easy to do.”
Noah gasped. “But my big Amish cousins make their own cheese.”
“You’ve left us no other choice, dear,” Nancy said.
He had no idea what he’d done had been illegal. At the time, it had seemed so natural to him. How was he supposed to know those things? But he decided not to question this. He was already in enough trouble and he didn’t want to provoke his parents more than they already were.
“What if I promise to go back to school and get my master’s degree?” Noah asked. “And I’ll work part time at the company. You always wanted me to work at the company.” The family business was now centered on high end real estate in Manhattan. Working in real estate was the last thing he’d ever wanted to do in life, but anything would be better than living with his big Amish cousins in sleepy little town where people made their own cheese.
Nancy sighed. “I’m afraid it’s too late for that, dear. You’ve left us no choice.”
“We’ve made up our minds and we’re not going to change them,” Edwin said.
“Can’t we just talk about this first,” Noah said. He had a feeling this time he wasn’t going to get out of trouble. He’d never seen them with more serious expressions or heard them speak with firmer tones. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy to come up with a defense for what he’d done the night before.
He’d hooked up with a group of guys he’d met at the basketball courts in Central Park. Noah was attracted to straight guys and he loved basketball. One of the places where he met straight guys was at public basketball courts. There were other places, like public parks, rest rooms, and bowling alleys. It’s just that basketball was easier and safer, and he knew how to play basketball as well as any guy. He’d met more tricks at the basketball courts than he’d ever met at gay bars or on gay hook up apps. The only drawback was those straight men tended to be rougher and more aggressive. They were streetwise, cared little about feelings, and were only out for what they could get. Of course all that was part of the turn on for Noah. He never expected any of them to marry him.
He’d never had any problem getting into games with guys he didn’t know. It was a guy thing. They always let him play. And he was good. Sometimes so good he had to fake being awful just to make the straight guys he was interested in look better on the court. He knew they had huge egos and he knew they liked to win. When they won they were in better moods, which usually helped him get what he wanted.
It had been different that night, not the same casual, furtive atmosphere as usual. He’d come across six guys about his age playing on the court who didn’t know each other and didn’t seem to care whether they won or lost. They were all dark haired, lanky, covered with tattoos, and had rough streetwise exteriors. They spoke with deep voices and their shorts sagged well below their waistlines. There was hardly any competition whatsoever, which made Noah wonder. He just remained as quiet as possible and played along with the others waiting to see what might happen.
A PG Rated Gay Romance
Altered Parts: Limited Edition
In Their Prime by Ryan Field