Month: April 2017

Austin Rhodes’ Older Boyfriend Gets Trolled; Dear Abby Responds To Gay Neighbor Haters; Scott Baio’s Penis

Austin Rhodes’ Older Boyfriend Gets Trolled

The only reason I’m linking to this is because there are over forty comments as of right now. And when you see that many comments you know it’s going to be interesting.

The whole story revolves around Youtuber, Austin Rhodes, replying to trolls that left negative comments about Rhodes’ older boyfriend.

“What works for me and my boyfriend is going to be totally different from what works for somebody else,” he says.

“For anyone to judge from the outside when they don’t know how the two people are with each other. Plus, most people commenting don’t even know that we’ve been together for three years.

You can check it out here. There’s a good discussion about age.

But here’s one of the most honest comments…

“He could date his dog as far as I care.”

Dear Abby Responds To Gay Neighbor Haters

It’s been a slow week in gay news.

This one is about a response from Dear Abby to a letter that was written to her by people who don’t like their gay neighbors. They thought it was a father and son, and then they discovered it’s a 50 year old guy with a 24 year old partner.

This was a respectable neighborhood before this ‘odd couple’ moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!

They must be running some sort of business, or a club. There are motorcycles, expensive sports cars, and even bicycles parked in front and on the lawn. They keep their shades drawn so you can’t see what’s going on inside but they must be up to no good, or why the secrecy?


You can check out Dear Abby’s response, here.

Scott Baio’s Penis

This isn’t really news, but it’s interesting in a cheesy pop culture way.

Scott Baio made a few questionable comments regarding Erin Moran’s death and Moran’s brother responded with this…

He wrote that his sister dumped Baio because, “you were more like a little girl and not a man…She told me that you were tiny. You know. Barely a man in the man region. True story.”

Well, Baio’s wife was quick to respond…

She tweeted, “Why would a sister tell her brother about the size of boyfriend’s manhood? Creepy at best. SB was a playboy for a reason!”

Baio believes he’s being attacked because he’s such a strong Trump supporter.

You can read it all here.

Frankly, I wouldn’t have made the comments that Baio made about Erin Moran, and I definitely wouldn’t have responded the way Moran’s brother did. But what do I know?

Not All Gay Novels Have Sex

In Their Prime by Ryan Field



Katie Couric and Gays In Chechnya; Another Slanted Article On E-books; When "Mr. Right" Is HIV Positive

Katie Couric and Gays In Chechyna

The disturbing situation where gays are allegedly being detained in concentration camps in Chechnya is finally making it into the mainstream. Here is a link where Katie Couric questions a Russian spokesperson about what’s going on, and the response the spokesperson gives will make you cringe. And Couric does NOT let her off the hook.

However, one subject apparently off the table was the recent reports of concentration camps in Chechnya that are holding gay men, many of whom are tortured and, in some cases, killed.

You can watch the video clip here. I haven’t seen anyone squirm so much since the last Republican debates. And it only makes me worry more about what’s really going on over there.

At least it’s not being ignored by the mainstream media anymore.

Another Slanted Article On E-books

One of the things you rarely ever see is a reader slamming print books. I only read e-books now. I switched to e-books in 2008, and I haven’t actually purchased a hard copy print book since then…and I buy books. Even though I don’t read print books anymore, I would never knock them. I get that people want choices, and I even release my own books now in both digital and in print for that reason. I want to give my readers choices.

And I’ll even admit that e-books are not without issues. My own e-books have been pirated from one end of the globe to the other and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I still only read e-books myself.
These slanted articles about e-books never seem to end. Unfortunately, she sounds so backward and out of date. I have to wonder if she still records TV shows on a VCR.

“It was new and exciting,” says Cathryn Summerhayes, a literary agent at Curtis Brown. “But now they look so clunky and unhip, don’t they? I guess everyone wants a piece of trendy tech and, unfortunately, there aren’t trendy tech reading devices and I don’t think people are reading long-form fiction on their phones. I think your average reader would say that one of the great pleasures of reading is the physical turning of the page. It slows you down and makes you think.”

I think a lot, while I’m reading and when I’m not reading. And I think she’s full of crap. For me, there’s nothing more comfortable than getting on my treadmill, propping up my iPad, and reading Anne Tyler’s latest book in digital format while I workout. I could never do that with a print book.

This article reads a lot like a slanted advertorial, as most of these things tend to do. One of the main reasons why e-book sales flattened out is because the lines have been drawn, and I think they will remain that way for at least another decade.

In any event, the good thing is that we still have a choice. I love that. If you want to read print books, you can still do that. And if you prefer e-books, you can do that, too. The main point I’m trying to make is that I don’t see any reason to slam either one.

You can read the article in full here. It’s not totally without merit and there are a few good points at the end. In some cases I even agree. But there is a slant, as there always has been from people within the old trad publishing industry whenever the topic of e-books comes up.

When “Mr. Right” Is HIV Positive

Here’s an article that discusses Charlie Tredway who won Mr. Gay New Zealand 2017, and who also happens to be HIV positive.

He’s sick of countering myths, he’s sick of explaining the difference between HIV and AIDS, he’s sick of defending his right to have a pleasurable sex life, he’s sick of educating when he could be cruising. He’s sick, but not because of a virus, but because of a community that seems so far behind.

You can read more here. It’s really a call for people to learn more about HIV, and it’s long overdue. Unfortunately, some of the comments only promote the stigmas.

Not All Gay Novels Have Sex

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


Dating A Sapiosexual; Dumb Promo For "Fire Island"; Young High School Guy Outed By A Classmate

Dating A Sapiosexual

If you didn’t know what a sapiosexual is, you will now. It’s someone who will only date people they consider smart enough to be around. At first it sounds okay. Who doesn’t value intelligence? But as you read on they start to sound obnoxious, boring, and not very good in bed.

All the sapiosexuals agree that they can determine whether someone is smart enough for them “in the first 10 minutes” of meeting. And when asked if they would ever break up with someone who wasn’t “smart enough,” here’s what they had to say:

“I don’t think I would ever commit myself to someone who isn’t intelligent enough for me,” Man A proclaims. 
I think they’re all full of crap.
Dumb Promo For “Fire Island”
Here’s a story that is basically nothing more than a silly promotion for the new reality show on Logo, Fire Island. I watched the first episode and lasted about 10 minutes. I switched to reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond
I’m not going to link to any excerpts from the promo, but here’s one of the comments left by a reader I found accurate. I know a few people who frequent Fire Island. 
Exactly. Then you have queens like the two locals who actually believe that a gay ghetto for rich queens like fire island is some magical place that’s revolutionary when 99% of men who went there and still go there go just to hook up and use drugs.

You can read the entire thing here. I won’t be watching Fire Island again. But in all fairness, this doesn’t just happen in the gay community with reality TV. Reality TV has pretty much misrepresented everyone, from the people in the state of New Jersey, to the housewives in Beverly Hills. 
Young High School Guy Outed By A Classmate
I don’t think there’s anything worse than being outed. I despise anyone who outs someone. It’s forcing someone into doing something before he/she is ready to handle the consequences. And this story is even more intense because he was really private, very young, and so careful. 
It also shows how serious the bully issue still is in schools. 

In high school, he joined his school’s football team, where he played defensive end, linebacker, and then  running back. As an athlete, Moon explains, he was able to keep his sexual orientation hidden since he was supposed to be “tough” and “a big, strong guy.”

During his senior year, he told three of his teammates about his sexual orientation. Two of the teammates said they never wanted to talk to him again. Meanwhile, the third one began telling everyone else at school.

You can read the rest here. There is a happy ending. Now if we could just smack some sense into these little high school twits who think they know it all. If you’re reading this now, and you’re in high school, I promise you that high school is only a very small part of your lives. High school is nothing more than a brief stepping stone that will lead you toward your real life. And, it will get so much better.

Not All Gay Novels Have Sex

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


Re-imagining Classic Hetero Romance Scenes With Gay Couples; Barry Manilow’s Gay Bathhouse Days; Madonna On "Blond Ambition" Biopic

Re-Imagining Classic Hetero Romance Scenes With Gay Couples

Here’s a story about re-telling classic romance scenes from mainstream movies with gay couples instead of straight couples. I for one know it works because I’ve written a few full length novels with movie tie-ins and gay couples…re-telling classic plots, which isn’t something new to publishing. I’ve done it with plots like Pygmalion, and Cinderella. I did it with my book Dancing Dirty. And Anne Tyler’s new novel, Vinegar Girl, is openly being promoted as a re-telling of a Shakespeare story.  

In any event…

That’s the gist of this short film by comedy duo A Brit and a Yank, who “became friends through social media and decided their constant back and forth bantering would provide good comedic fodder.”

Here, they take on Dirty Dancing, Romeo + Juliet, Ghost, Say Anything, and Love Actually, and the results are as ludicrous as you’d expect.

You can check this out here.  This kind of re-imagining or re-telling has been popular in publishing for years, but this is the first time I’ve seen it in film with gay characters.

Barry Manilow’s Gay Bathhouse Days

A lot of people don’t realize that Barry Mannilow once performed in one of the most famous gay bathhouses in New York…with Bette Midler. I have older gay friends who saw them in person and they’re still talking about it to this day. It’s just that the stories I hear from friends seem to be a little different from the way Manilow tells it. But I would rather listen to what Manilow has to say. It’s his life. He should get the last word.

“Those were just for a couple of weekends,” he gays of the performances that led to Midler being booked on The Tonight Show.

“And people think we were there for years. It was two weekends.”

In 1968, The Continental Baths opened its basement doors at Ansonia Hotel, located on the Upper West Side. 

You can check this out here, with some history about the Continental Baths. The comments are interesting, too.

Madonna On “Blond Ambition” Biopic

I have to take my stand with Madonna on this one, and I’m not usually fond of everything she does. I was mortified when she offered to give blowies to Hillary Clinton voters in the last election. But she makes a good point this time, and one that we don’t think about enough in our society. It’s her life.

“Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool. Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society.”

You can check this out here. I probably won’t see this.

Not All Gay Novels Have Sex

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


"The Tan Gay"; Marco Rubio Supporting Gays In Chechnya; Olympian Shawn Barber Comes Out

“The Tan Gay”

Sometimes on Twitter I find something I want to read more about…and post about. This is one of those times. It’s a web site I found through a guy I follow on Twitter, and it’s not the kind of thing I see all the time.

The only problem is that he doesn’t keep up with the blog, which isn’t that unusual with personal bloggers. But he does keep up on Twitter in case any of you are interested in following him.

In any event, it’s an amusing read…and I believe the sarcasm is intended.

The bitch is back. It’s been entirely too long and I apologize (actually I don’t, it just seemed appropriate). So whats new? Don’t care, but I’ve been well, I haven’t had sex with randos let alone anyone lately, I’ve just been busy with personal shit, work and school (crying) and that’s pretty much it. Get ready for regular blog updates and even more relatable posts. Sit back (go lay in a tanning bed you pale fuck) and get your iPhone ready to read my blog.

Here the link, and here’s his twitter link@thetangay

Marco Rubio Supporting Gays In Chechnya

Evidently, Republican Senator Marco Rubio recently gave a bold speech about the way gays are being detained and tortured in Chechnya. I’ve posted about that situation here. So far, from what I’ve seen (and I’ve been following this one) Marco Rubio is the only one to bring this into the mainstream. And it’s still being ignored for the most part by the media. I didn’t even see it trending on Twitter.

“Unfortunately this is not a new reality for those living under the brutal tyranny of the Chechen leader, who by the way happens to be a loyal ally of Vladimir Putin. There have been reports in the past of similar abuses, although these reports seem to be the most brutal and should provoke anger in all of us. We should never, ever tolerate human rights violations against any person for their political views, their religious beliefs, or their sexual orientation.”

Here’s the rest. It’s really a call for the US to step up and do more for these people.

Olympian Shawn Barber Comes Out

Here’s another coming out story with someone who has a public profile. I never get tired of reading them.

He’s a Canadian pole vault champion and he came out in public on Facebook.

“Gay and proud! Thank you to my parents for being such a great support. I continue to grow as a person and have a great support group. My parents are my greatest support and have helped me through a lot recently. To my friends, you are always my friends and i love you too!”

You can read more here.

 New Release


The S#%T Gays Have To Deal With; Trans Woman Turned Away At Soup Kitchen; Five Tips For Gay Open Relationships

The S#%T Gays Have To Deal With

Google just released a new ad with a gay family that has two dads. And the far left is cheering us on as if we’re lab rats and the far right is condemning us as if we committed a crime.

This is the kind of shit we deal with on a daily basis.

What neither of them know is that just because google decided to do an ad like this to get more attention for google, it’s not something new. I’ve known gay dads all my adult life.

The 33-second ad titled Carpool features a family headed by two dads. In it, one of the dads asks Google Home for his schedule, then the other. Based on the results, the couple decides who will take the kids.

You can check that out here. Unfortunately, those of us stuck in the middle don’t get to comment either way.

Trans Woman Turned Away At Soup Kitchen

This one is making me curious. Allegedly, a trans woman was turned away at a soup kitchen because she was wearing a dress.

But there are all kinds of red flags…

Stenberg said his mission was acting according to the Bible. “Christianity is dependent on our obedience to God.” It’s interesting to note that on the mission’s website the founder is listed as Thomas F. Morse, a convicted felon who served time for murder.

You can read more here, but I can’t help wondering if we’re getting the entire story.

I obviously can’t comment on this particular incident, however, I knew a trans woman once who was one of the most dangerous people I have ever met. She caused trouble wherever she went. And it’s not because she was trans. Her gender had nothing to do with it. It’s because she was absolutely rotten to the core.

Five Tips For Open Gay Relationships

I normally don’t like anything that gives “tips.” I don’t even like writing “tips.” I think they’re a waste of time…especially writing tips. Writing tips always seem to be coming from someone who has some kind of personal, ambitious agenda. You rarely see them coming from a place of pure good-natured sharing. Of course ambitious people will never tell you this. It stands to reason.

But I digress. I do think the open gay relationship is an interesting topic. Keep in mind this isn’t about having a 3-way on occasion. This is about getting permission to have sex with other people while you are either married or in a relationship.

Here’s one of the tips…

Once you’ve agreed to move forward and open up a relationship, it’s important to set clear rules. The more detailed, the better. This will help prevent unexpected consequences later on. When exactly is it OK to hookup with another sex partner? Is it something you will always notify the other about, or no? Are you agreeing to always do something together, or being on your own is OK too? How far can things go? Some couples might say oral sex is OK, but anal intercourse is too personal and, therefore, off-limits. Again, details are key!

You can read the rest here. 

What they don’t mention are the gay couples who have explored open relationships and found themselves in the middle of a divorce because their spouse fell in love with someone else. And that someone else is usually a lot younger, he knows how to play the game a lot better, and he isn’t worried about breaking up your home. In fact, he can’t wait to break up your home. It’s not all that different from straight relationships and you should proceed with caution. 

And check out the comments. For the most part, they are spot on this time. 

Not All Gay Novels Have Sex

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


French Gay Men Voting for Marine Le Pen; Same Sex Couples With Risky Futures; Polar Bear Dies Of Broken Heart After Losing Same Sex Partner

French Gay Men Voting for Marine Le Pen

I know nothing at all about French politics, but I thought this was interesting…and now I know a little more about French politics.

It’s an article that discusses why some French gay men are supporting conservative candidate, Marine Le Pen, and it gives some background info.

When BBC Newsbeat interviewed gay men in the gay district of Paris, Le Marais, the results were telling.

One interviewee, Cedric said: ‘There are priorities in France other than homosexuality.

‘I myself am in a same-sex couple… But for me, there are more pressing issues like the economy, the national debt and unemployment,’ he explained.

It seems he’s not alone.

Gay Star News spoke to Alexandre Curioz, a gay man living in Le Marais: ‘The far-right is gaining voters everywhere.’

You can check the rest out here, and I highly suggest you do. It’s one of those articles that I think might be predicting a trend for the future. Or maybe not. It’s too soon to tell.

Same Sex Couples With Risky Futures

Speaking of the future, here’s a more practical piece about how some same sex couples are taking risks with their futures and not planning ahead. Tony and I actually have two friends…a same sex couple who’ve been together for 25 years…and they still haven’t legally married. They own property together, and mix finances. And in spite of how we’ve urged them to get married legally, they refuse to listen. Legalized marriage doesn’t solve all the issues, but it makes things a lot better for older couples.

This is geared toward UK gay couples, but in general I think the article could be applied to US couples in the sense that you have to plan ahead.

But there are also issues you are more likely to face if you are in a gay or lesbian couple.

  • LGBTI retirement can cost more than for straight people and yet we are often less prepared for it.
  • Because fewer same-sex couples are married, fewer are protected legally. In a worse case, you may lose your home when you lose your partner because of this.
  • Inheritance tax in the UK could be a big issue and even if you are in a formal partnership, you may need extra planning to avoid a nasty shock.

Here’s the rest. Inheritance tax in the US is just as bad for couples who are not legally married. I’ve seen older gay men lose their homes because of it.

Be prudent with your future.

Polar Bear Dies of Broken Heart After Losing Same Sex Partner

I don’t know much about Polar Bears either, but this story made me think twice.

A polar bear has ‘died from a broken heart’ in San Diego’s SeaWorld Wild Arctic exhibit, claims People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Szenja, 21, and Snowflake, 22 have been inseparable and living in the same enclosure for the past 20 years.

The two female polar bears were separated so that Snowflake could mate with male polar bears.

You can read more here. I’m not sure what to make of these stories. I’ve heard people say that when they have two dogs and one dies the other is heartbroken. Of course I believe them. However, I’ve had two dogs and when one died the other was thrilled to get all the attention herself. She never missed the dog that died, and she slid into being an only child dog without any issues whatsoever. In fact, she seemed happier to be alone. So I think this one falls into the category of it depends.

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


Leave Richard Simmons Alone; Coming Out At 53; Two College Swimmers Coming Out

Leave Richard Simmons Alone

This is so many kinds of wrong. Richard Simmons returned from a short stay in a hospital and the press surrounded him until he was forced to walk into his own home with his head covered.

That’s wrong. Give the man some privacy. He just got out of the hospital.

With photographers waiting outside his home Thursday, Simmons returned, but kept a blanket over his head to shield himself from the cameras. In addition, police officers were present to keep the crowd at bay.

I just wish he’d flipped them the bird.

You can read the rest here.

Coming Out At 53

You know how I’m always talking about how we have no idea how many gay men are out there? Well here’s more proof. Those of you who think you know it all about gay men, this is another example of how diverse gay men can be. And this story isn’t even that unusual. Right now, as I post this, there are many more gay men who still haven’t come out of the closet and you don’t even know they are gay.

“He came out after being married and also having two children, although a lot younger than me, he’s 36. He was the first person I came out to. We haven’t had an affair or any such [thing], but he knows how I feel about him.

“After a while of chatting to him about how I felt and the fact that now I must talk to my wife and be truly open as to how I feel, I finally did it, talked to me wife, children and close family and friends.” 

You can read the rest here. It’s a great story and it talks about reactions. Trust me on this, only another gay man will ever know what this is like. You can’t even begin to imagine.

Two College Swimmers Coming Out

Here’s another coming out story. It’s about how two college swimmers helped each other come out.

Axel Reed and Josh Velasquez have a lot in common. They’re both 21. They both grew up in conservative households in Southern California. They both swim on their college swim teams. Oh, and they’re both gay. 

You can check that out here.

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


"13 Reasons Why" Backlash; Lesbian Rocker Leaves Social Media Because of Bullies; LGBT Activist Police Officer Killed In Paris Attack

“13 Reasons Why” Backlash

When I first posted about the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, I only mentioned the inconsistencies I noticed in character development. I also wrote that post from a non-heteronormative POV, while concentrating on the gay content. But since then I’ve finished watching the series and my first two thoughts were not things I had to think about too long. And no one else influenced my opinions. One, if I had a young adult in high school I wouldn’t let them watch it. Two, the characters and the dialogue didn’t resonate with respect to the way RL young adults react and process. These weren’t my only opinions, but right now I’m only linking to other people who’ve gone into more detail about all this.

Here’s one reaction from a high school student, Jaclyn Grimm, from a high school web site.

In 13 Reasons Why, I don’t see a daring and powerful teen drama. It’s just a tired attempt at discussing a difficult topic. It’s clear the creators see suicide only for its shock value, and I worry for the teens like me who will watch the show.

You can read the rest here. There are more reactions on this web site. And if you do a simple search for backlash 13 Reasons Why, you’ll find a lot more. Here’s one where they banned the show.

Lesbian Rocker Leaves Social Media Because of Bullies

Speaking of sensitive topics, this one shows what can happen daily on social media these days. Twitter is probably one of the most dangerous places.

For Christian rock musician Vicky Beeching, antigay harassment is nothing new. She’s experienced it off and on since coming out publicly in 2014. But a recent viral meme featuring Beeching’s face has the artist and advocate taking a break from social media.

Here’s the rest. I wish she’d stick around, but I also understand there’s only so much a person can take. Evidently, she reached that point and I can’t blame her. I have zero tolerance on Twitter now. My tweets are not up for discussion. If you question me once in an aggressive way, you get blocked. Plain and simple.

LGBT Activist Police Officer Killed In Paris Attack

One of the police officers killed in the recent Paris attack was not only openly gay, but also an activist.

“He was a simple man who loved his job, and he was really committed to the L.G.B.T. cause,” said Mikaël Bucheron, president of Flag, a French association for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender police officers. “He joined the association a few years ago, and he protested with us when there was the homosexual propaganda ban at the Sochi Olympic Games,” Mr. Bucheron said.

Here’s the rest. You can check out his photos, too. The comment thread is all over the place.

May he RIP.


In Their Prime by Ryan Field


Release Day: In Their Prime by Ryan Field; Hunky Jesus In San Francisco; RuPaul On the Purpose of Drag

Release Day: In Their Prime by Ryan Field

Here’s my newest release, In Their Prime. This is a gay romance that covers the lives of two young men who meet and fall in love in graduate school. The story follows them from their early 20s right up to their late 30s. It’s not an erotic romance, but it is a romance. I would consider it PG-rated, without any explicit sex scenes at all. I just didn’t think this book called for sex scenes. In this case, I think explicit sex scenes would have made the book too long and drawn out. As it stands, it’s a 90,000 word full length novel, and I had to cut it down from 150,000 words.

So here’s the blurb, and I’ve posted the cover and the links below. I’ll post more links as they go live.

In Their Prime, a 90,000 word gay romance novel, follows the lives and loves of two talented gay men who meet at the storied Iowa Writers’ Workshop in their early 20’s. They start out as accidental roommates and passionate lovers, and move through the beginning of their lives as haplessly as everyone else. Ethan is the ambitious, aggressive writer whose only goal is to write trashy fiction that he can sell to the masses, while Travis spends his time working on gay literary novels that give him prestige, but little money and fame. And when both men clash, the heartache is almost too much to handle. 

Over the course of two decades they both choose different paths, but their bond is never broken. It takes years to realize what they’ve won and lost, and they finally reach a point where they both have to face reality in ways neither of them expected. As some of their brightest dreams are realized, and some are painfully lost, will they ever find a way to come together? Or will they continue to ignore the only thing that’s kept them going all this time?

In Their Prime by Ryan Field


Hunky Jesus In San Francisco
I hope no one is offended by this. I think it’s meant to be taken lightly. But if you are offended, join the crowd. Everyone seems to be getting offended about something these days. So you’re not alone. I don’t take things like this seriously, and I’m not by any means an atheist. I like to think Jesus has a sense of humor, too. And if he doesn’t, we’re probably all in a lot of trouble. 
With that said…
For the 38th year in a row, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence preached to a crowd of more than a thousand people on Easter Sunday in Golden Gate Park. This year’s celebration included plenty of hotties and holy water, plus sexy male bunnies, colorful Easter ladies, and a not-so-PG exorcism on a Donald Trump doppelgänger.
RuPaul On the Purpose of Drag
Speaking of taking things lightly, it looks as if RuPaul nailed this one. It’s about as plain and simple as it can get. 
 “Drag has always served a purpose. The purpose is to remind people to not take themselves too seriously. We mock identity. A lot of people get angry… Identity is not to be taken seriously. We show people we’re shape shifters. We are God in drag. That’s our role — is to remind people of that.”
Again, pay attention to this, because if you’re taking yourself too seriously you might want to rethink that for your own sake.